yesterday was the first day in a while i felt like myself, i curled my hair and put on a cute outfit and i just felt like me. intrusive thoughts at a minimal and it was just a good day. now today i’m back what i was before where hocd is taking over again and i’m just so uncomfortable and don’t want to look at myself. this is so frustrating. i want to be able to wear my whatever i want like i used to and not question myself
I get days where I feel normal. Even today I had a moment where a stranger (friend of a friend) was so kind considering the stressful situation I was in and he helped me and wanted to make sure I was safe. I felt some attraction towards him. As soon as I got home my head made me think I was lying and felt nothing. This is horrible
@Myheadhurts35 i’m sorry. i know how that feels. it feels like constantly lying to yourself. i also notice whenever i am out and busy i don’t think, but the second i get home it gets bad again like :/ home is supposed to be a safe place :(
@444co I’m 100% the same.
I'm so tired 😭 I've been dealing with severe trans ocd for a month. My ocd is making me worry I'm a trans man. The thing is. I'm already out as nonbinary. I also compulsively confessed to my mom and told her I'm anxious I'll realize I'm a trans man and that I'm scared she'll hate me/abandon me. And she told me she would support me through it and my life even if she didn't understand it and that she wouldn't abandon me. I do like some masculine terms and I like he pronouns, I prefer they/them though. And I don't mind she, but I dont let people use it because I know they'll use it to misgender me. and that doesnt mean im a man. But I also don't know what I actually like/feel or what's OCD making me think I like/feel.. I can't stop ruminating and feeling like I need to label my gender pass nonbinary and think about if I feel like a man or not. So even when my biggest fear was denied I'm still anxious.
These past few days I was fine. Minimal intrusive thoughts ,no anxiety etc(to add I'm on medication so maybe it's starting to work although it barely is 2 weeks) and today I got a sudden wave of anxiety and it started latching on some thoughts like" what if I'm in denial and I wanna break up with my bf? And what if erp doesn't work for me because I actually wanna break up with my bf?" But they didn't really stay long usually those thoughts would make me spiral for days or so, now they lasted for some hours. And now I'm trying to trigger myself into being anxious again because if I don't it means I don't have ocd and if I don't have ocd it means I don't love my bf and if I don't love my bf it means I have to break up. Idk if it makes sense but the lack of anxiety makes me wonder if I actually have ocd or not.
it feels like i want to be a boy. i really dont i keep having these what i hope to be false feelings and they suck. oddly enough they make me feel more like a girl again so its a weird win win situation. i want to be fine again i wanna be that girl again. it just feels like i’ll never be and i just have to be a boy i hate it all
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