I don’t know if it’s my ocd or if I’m just crazy at this point. I haven’t been able to get my shit together. I keep acting the same way every single day I’ve been losing this battle and I don’t think I can take it much longer. I can’t take facing my toxic parts. I can’t take this battle anymore I feel so weak compared to these terrible traits of mine. They keep winning. I know for damn sure my boyfriend will not be in my life for much longer.. pretty sure he is only with me because of a trip we planned that’s a few days away. I can’t swallow the fact that I’ve done all of this to myself. I can’t face myself in the mirror. I can’t face these parts of me anymore but I also know that’s why I keep acting how I do. Because I won’t grow up and deal with it. I feel so disgusted with myself

I hear and understand you 100% - I depersonalize as well when the anxiety becomes too much. I know it’s awful and I’m sorry you have to go through it. Just know that as the anxiety goes down, so too will the depersonalization. Rocd is a double edge sword, I too have had one day I’m worried I don’t love him and then the next that he’s cheating on me. Then some days, I’m completely fine. What works best for me are scripts when the thought comes up. Acknowledging the thought “ I hate these OCD thoughts (or Eugene as I call them) , then acknowledge the possibility of those thoughts being real - this part helps the most, I find - hardest part though too -“ yeah I could be falling out of love or my boyfriend could be cheating or fantasizing about others” , acknowledged how you would respond “ if these are true then I will confront that when and if it comes up” , acknowledged what you believe how , “ I doubt that is happening , but for now I’m going to lean into what I value and that’s our relationship etc”

No problem at all, all from erp with my therapist. I’m going through a rough patch myself right now and because it’s a mood disorder it makes you feel so crappy about yourself , we are strong and can do it! The negativity is the worst !

If I can ask, how has rocd affected this relationship? What have you said/ done?

I have noticed I haven’t done much at all to combat my ocd, I slack on my exposure practices and give in to every little thought wether it be my boyfriend is cheating, has stopped liking me, or I have stopped liking him, Its made me a very jealous person - to the point where I get upset if there are attractive girls in movies/shows because I tell myself that my boyfriend is probably fantasying over them. It’s ridiculous and makes me feel so guilty and ashamed of my thoughts but they are so loud and persistent. I really appreciate that question because it really did help flip my perspective, I would never want to tell someone who is having this same problem the things I tell myself but I do feel like I’ve been in the same place for so long. OCD makes you realize it literally all comes down to you and sometimes that pressure makes me depersonalize. It’s very exhausting

I swear everything I say is reassurance one way or the other lol

You have no idea how much I appreciate this! Thank you so much?