I have contamination ocd and It’s affecting the sensual part of my life. Im afraid I’ll catch something every time. The person I’m interested seems clean but I still have my crazy doubts. I also don’t want to engage because I’m anxious and i don’t want to feel used and im now feeling ashamed if I act. It’s a lot of emotions
I’m sorry you’re going through this, it sounds tiring and I know how hard it is when OCD affects such an important and intimate part of our lives like this. Try to remember that avoidance is a compulsion. Even when you engage in safer sex practices, they are not a guarantee. Every activity comes with a level of risk and uncertainty, and healing from OCD is a matter of how we respond to that. If we always respond by following what our fears and doubts tell us, we won’t live the lives we want, and the doubts will only get stronger. The way to mess with OCD/anxiety is to face the fears, and to accept what we can’t control. One example of how to do this in ERP is to make the choice we want (like being intimate with someone), then say, “Maybe I will get sick, maybe I won’t” and sit with the anxiety until it passes. But choose to do the thing anyway. Have you tried any ERP yourself? NOCD can link you with a therapist to make a more detailed plan. Know that you have the support of the community here, too!
@Killian Thank you for responding. You’re so right, avoidance is definitely a compulsion. I have told myself that it’s ok to act and to practice as erp per say. Contamination ocd has been the worst theme I’ve ever encountered. It’s taken from walking with sandals or walking barefoot on the beach and being afraid to my intimate life. I’m trying really hard to expose myself
I’ve never really dated before out of fear of being rejected or being emotionally abused. So this was the third date with the first guy I’ve dated in years. Last time he said he wanted to kiss me and that’s all that was on my mind. I was afraid of being bad or not liking it so we didn’t kiss and I felt terrible. I was telling myself that I should be thankful that someone is so patient with me and this is why I’m gonna die alone, because I’m so judgmental when it comes to dating….. and I couldn’t stop. I kept ruminating until I later on the couch, closed my eyes, and started giving myself grace. I had shut down for over 30 minutes. And now I’m scared of dating in general.
This is the one topic I don’t find much discussion about online, and I’m wondering how many of you have experienced this. Have any of you been prevented from engaging in intimate acts by your OCD? Has your OCD affected intimacy between you and your partner/s? I’m discovering that this is very much the case for me, and I know it’s probably the same for lots of folks out there!
At this point of my life I barely have compulsions, barely let them control me, but recently I have realised my OCD is still keeping itself alive by holding me back and making me avoid stuff since I cut compulsions. So I don’t do compulsions but I avoid. And when it comes to SO OCD, I avoid dating. I am in the age where it’s the most common thing to do, I have friends who are getting married and I still haven’t seriously dated my entire life. If I date I date to marry. But it’s making it even harder. My brain tells me I can’t date to marry or date at all because no man will accept the possibility that I am bisexual or the fact I might have intrusive thoughts over sexuality. Worse than that, what’s actually holding me back is the fact that in one of our dates I know I’ll have to bring this up. And what if the man will start to get stressed over it? What if it’ll be too much for him and he’ll leave? And worse-tell the people that know both me and him all the personal things I told him about me having SO OCD? I can’t do this.. I don’t want to do this to myself I don’t want to let go of this secret to any man who can just leave me because of it at any point.. that’s what’s holding me back from dating.. and I want to be brave, I want to just go for it, I want to let it go but am too afraid I am just selling myself and my darkest secrets out there for men who can cancel me at any moment. I gave up on dating… it’s all too complicated for me and I have this voice in the back of my head telling me maybe I wasn’t born for it. Maybe I wasn’t born to get married or be in a relationship, maybe I am not good enough for all of this.. and then OCD adds its own stuff.. maybe I am gay and dating would be lying to myself and the men I date.. too much responsibility..
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