- Username
- idont241
- Date posted
- 5y ago
It’s makes me feel as if I actually want the thoughts. And I don’t know. My head hurts, I feel this hole in my stomach. Like this really feels real. How can it not be? These questions are the only thing bringing me down at this point. Also the fact it feels as if I am never going to like a guy again and because 99% of my attraction is gone. Before this used to be so much easier, I can’t believe I didn’t know it
Same here ugh
I used to struggle with HOCD and it just so happened I am ACTUALLY gay. When you ACTUALLY identify with non-heterosexualism, obsessive thoughts is not how it manifests. Queer ppl don’t walk around obsessing about their queerness. I know we’re not supposed to validate but as a Lgbt person I think this is a point worth considering
“Am I gay or am I not, do I like thoughts abt the same sex or do I not, am I unattracted to me s.o, etc.” are not typical LGBTQ experiences. They ARE however typical OCD experiences
Oh thank you. It’s like I get thoughts, questions, then doubt the answer to those questions, and then get one of those why-are-you-scared questions and those make me anxious and then I feel upset and the cycle goes again. You struggled with hocd?
I did yes. Around the ages of 10-16. And now I am openly queer but my sexuality has NO relation to those past HOCD thoughts. OCD is a master of doubt. It makes you doubt your thoughts, feelings, and actions. It’s hard to recognize what’s real sometimes. I grew up in an extremely tolerant / lenient family. My mother was catholic by proxy but never actively practiced the faith/didn’t even really believe in any of it. My father was/is openly agnostic. They couldn’t give a shit less if I was gay or not. And I knew that whole heartedly. I myself am extremely accepting and tolerant of any sexuality, race, gender identity, etc. meaning even I KNEW nothing was wrong with being gay. So the thoughts made no sense. I was suffering in my obsessions about those thoughts despite my actual feelings and opinions about gayness being the TOTAL opposite
Which made me realize that the thoughts were reflective of my OCD, NOT of my actual sexuality/feelings towards sexuality
I would literally walk around pretending to be homophobic and biphobic just to try and offset those thoughts. That is NOT me. That is my disease.
So you knew you were gay and you got ocd thoughts about being straight? I am confused. So you were first getting ocd thoughts about being gay and then it turned true?
No you don’t just become gay lol
My OCD thoughts about homosexuality had nothing to do with the fact that I’m actually gay is what I’m saying
The thoughts were worrisome (anxiety provoking) - the feeling of being gay was not
What. Now I am worried. Am I like that? I don’t know. It’s all I can think about, now I am scared like you. I don’t want to be with women but then I doubt even that. I feel so much anxiety. Distress, I even get upset. Idk. I just don’t want to be. I want to be back to normal like I was in the past, but now it feels as if I was like that too and I am just figuring *it* out now
Ok I feel like my comment is doing more harm than good, which was NOT my intention so I apologize. In MY experience, HOCD / obsessive thoughts related to being gay have NOTHING to do with your actual sexuality. That is the point I was trying to make. This seems to be really upsetting you. Try using this app’s SOS feature. It helps me a lot.
Yeah that really worries me too. Do you mean you had sexual thoughts or did you obsess over whether or not you were gay?
Yea I am a little confused. I don’t really feel anything towards women, just thought and a bunch of anxiety. It just feels so real like I’ll never get over this. I just want to like guys again and not feel guilty or have thoughts telling me otherwise or that I am lying or something.
i’m so stuck right now , this does not feel like ocd. my thoughts keep telling me “just come out and be like all those other people”. i hate these thoughts and everything feels so real. i feel like i’m just questioning my sexuality and i don’t want to. this does not feel like ocd it feel so so real. ugh i’m so confused and scared
I’m constantly thinking about hocd thoughts. What if I’m gay? What if you like her? Blah blah things like that, I can’t tell if it’s ocd anymore. Like deep down I know, and some days I know all the time I’m straight. I don’t like girls, I never have. So why can’t I just get it through my head? I’m tired of it. I literally can’t tell anymore
Is it hocd or have I actually all of a sudden stopped wanting to be with a guy. I have always known I wanted to be in a relationship with a guy but ever since I got these instrusive thoughts about 3 months ago it’s only getting worse and now i dont even know who I am and if I want to date a guy or a girl. I know I don’t want to date a girl but every time I tell myself I want to date a guy I feel like somethings telling me “no you want to be with girls and you don’t have hocd you’re just in denial” Another thing that scares me is that I have never really been boy crazy and I have had small crushes on guys never on girls but every time I have thought a girl was pretty I’m like what if I thought she was attractive and I would have these crushes (they weren’t that crazy)
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond