Ocdhater29

Date posted: 2y

Harmful thoughts

Can anybody relate? I have not been able to get away from the thought of hurting people, it is making me think that I actually want to do these things. The thoughts don’t stop it has been a little over 3 weeks and they start when I wake up and are there until I go to bed. They usually are targeted towards my girlfriend or mom, but they will latch on to anyone I’m with. I’m starting to think that I actually want to do these things… the thoughts don’t give me much anxiety anymore either. I also experience urges to act on them. I never had a thought like this until Oct 29 and now they just won’t go away. Pls help, is this ocd or is something wrong?

Harm OCD

Nell.

Date posted: 2y

Ive been struggling with the exact same thing towards my boyfriend and mom. It started over a month ago. I think it was mainly triggered by the Dahmer series but one time a thought just popped up and said you should k*ll her (about my mom). And ever since then they’ve been bothering me. ERP has helped a little but even still last night woke up and started having them in the middle of the night sleeping next to my boyfriend. They really scare me because they feel so real. I understand what you’re going through.

Ocdhater29

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous That is crazy you say that because I think mine was triggered by the dahmer series too

Nell.

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Wow that’s crazy! I really wish I didn’t watch it… feels like it ruined my life. I can’t imagine how many people are feeling the same thing too, it was like the most watched thing on Netflix for awhile. It’s good to know we aren’t alone. I wish I had a solution for us haha.

Nell.

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Do you also struggle with the idea of maybe I can’t feel love anymore or I may not be capable of loving? Which then worsens the harm thoughts

Ocdhater29

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Yes I feel like that towards my mom and girlfriend. It’s terrible I just want to enjoy spending time with them again

Ocdhater29

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Honestly I feel like that in general to be honest. Everything I used to love, I’m questioning if I still love it

Nell.

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous I’m the same. Right now really don’t have any passions or hobbies that make me happy. I’ve only really got a few friends and lost some this year (which makes me wonder if I am actually a bad person) I will be talking to my boyfriend and a bad thought will pop up and I’ll say something that doesn’t make sense bc I can’t even focus anymore. It’s awful.

Ocdhater29

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous It makes it hard to even spend time with my girlfriend because I am always questioning if I am going to hurt her

Nell.

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Yeah if I didn’t live with my boyfriend I would definitely feel the same. In a way living with them is exposure itself I guess because you are forced to be around them even though there is a possibility you could harm them. Idk it’s hard especially when the urges feel so real.

Natalia27

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous That’s honestly been me ever since the show came out I think it triggered something in me that I haven’t been able to stop having the same harm intrusive thoughts since then and I feel like it eating me up I feel so bad and so guilty and that the urges are so scary I felt that exact same anxiety sleeping with my bf one night and then woke up in a panic ):

Nell.

Date posted: 2y

@Natalia27 It’s horrible. Why do they feel so real?!

Natalia27

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous They do they are the worst thing ever I feel like I’m never gonna go back to how I was and it’s scary I love my family and my bf so much ): I would never do anything to hurt them but these urges are really freaking me out

Nell.

Date posted: 2y

@Natalia27 Yeah they make me so anxious. In my mind it’s like what if I have to hurt someone to know I don’t like it… which is so dumb but feels valid in my head

Natalia27

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous I totally feel that and it’s totally valid it’s scary and I want it to stop but I guess I’m focusing on it to much on it wanting to stop that it keeps coming back it’s never ending ):

Nell.

Date posted: 2y

@Natalia27 Yeah that’s definitely why they stick around so long :( but they feel so powerful already that it’s hard to quiet them

benmichaell

Date posted: 2y

@Ocdhater29 hey man did u ever get better from this i’m really scared of this too

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

samlovesjesus

Date posted: 22w

how do i know if i have OCD?

so this all started not too long ago, for literally no reason at all. but one day i got a random intrusive thought about harming others and it freaked me out bad. since then i’ve been non stop focusing on it and im genuinely scared that i am, or gonna end up like those sick people that have documentaries about them. i’ve never had these types of thoughts before and after me and my mom looked a lot of stuff up we think i have OCD cuz a lot of the stuff it was saying was accurate to me. to anyone in here, does this sound like OCD to you? i’ve always been a nice loving person and these thoughts freak me out so bad and make me feel like i’m a bad gross person. it got to the point i don’t even like looking at myself anymore. i just wanna go back to normal man. another thing to add, when i would explain this to my mom even though i was telling the full truth on how crappy this made me feel it felt like i was lying almost? but i know i wasn’t deep down. i’m just scared that what if i act on something or get in my head too much you know?

bradyx20

Date posted: 14w

don’t know what’s happening to me

i haven’t been diagnosed with ocd but I have anxiety about harming other people/family members and it’s like urges and im scared I actually want to do it? I don’t think I’ve ever been violent as a kid (im 21 now) and the intrusive thoughts don’t go away so im just stuck all day everyday for the past few weeks just thinking and being scared about it and im having all these weird emotions like being irritated and angry I don’t want to hurt people I don’t think idk why my mind is making me think I do I’ve had intrusive thoughts before that I could brush away sure it took like a day or two but this one is different it doesn’t go away and leaves me with the worst fear imaginable and nothing I look up that should be giving me relief is giving me relief + I feel like im not in control of my body and that im just gonna lose it and act on these thoughts it’s just all on a loop and im not sure how im supposed to live the rest of my life when im in constant fear of my self

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