i don’t get it. i basically believe my fear to be true at this point. unlike other people i can’t recognize what’s the real me deep down anymore. yet when i hear girls talking about their boyfriends i feel such intense jealousy and sadness that that will never be me. if im gay why can’t i accept it. i keep trying to accept it. it shouldn’t be this hard but it is. im so so so tired
when i imagine being with men now i feel intense fear but when i imagine being with women i feel sad and uncomfortable and some slight ticklish feeling in my groin. i want the pain to go away. i wish i could be happy with me whoever me is
@Acekid128 thank you! is the fear feeling considered intrusive as well? it feels like performance anxiety x10 because i’m like “what if i don’t like it?” i even have dreams now where i kiss men and feel fear. i’m so confused
@ocdgirl123 Yes, we'll, according to what I've read and seen from others, most times your feelings won't match how you truly feel when symptoms are happening. What I'm trying to day is that if you, for example, adore dogs, and you have OCD, you will have intrusive thoughts about wanting to hurt them. When this happens, your feelings of love for dogs won't be felt because OCD in manifesting to support its narrative that you want to hurt dogs. OCD is ego-dystonic, which means it takes your core values, beliefs, and things you love dearly (hobbies, family, friends, significant other, etc.), and exploit it to make you feel and think the opposite about those things. So of you are whole-heartedly into men, your ocd will take what is a core part of you and trun it into something you don't lile, (e.g. you "I'm attracted to men" OCD: "I'm not attracted to men") This is where the feeling feel real, and it takes the form of fear, pleasure, or any emotion OCD wants to use to suit its false narrative it created. I hope I've explained it well enough for you to understand. TL;DR: OCD is making you feel fear, you are not actually into women, OCD is making you like them, it's not your authentic side of yourself. 💫✨️💖✨️💫
@Acekid128 Also here's a post I made that might help you feel at ease 😊 https://nocd.page.link/GLtwxfRpti8Z2X9aA
@Acekid128 it’s not letting me see it for whatever reason! but thank you for the explanation it made me calm down a bit <3
@ocdgirl123 Try this one https://nocd.page.link/UJCpX2RLr7SjZZYb7
@Acekid128 same thing :/ it takes me to a blank page and then makes me reopen the app and then takes me back to the blank page
@ocdgirl123 I'll find a way to make it visible!
@Acekid128 https://nocd.page.link/es4gNaGixMwK8hD98
💫✨️💖✨️💫
Copy the link and paste it into your note app on your device, then click on the link within the notes app and you'll see my post!!! Srry you have to open it that way✨️💫
it feels like i want to be a boy. i really dont i keep having these what i hope to be false feelings and they suck. oddly enough they make me feel more like a girl again so its a weird win win situation. i want to be fine again i wanna be that girl again. it just feels like i’ll never be and i just have to be a boy i hate it all
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
I just can’t do this shit anymore.im tired of these “arousal” sensations that feel real but when I go check my arousal to the same gender I just get anxiety. I’m tired of feeling like I can’t like girls anymore. I’m tired of my arousal getting blocked every now and then because I’m anxious. I’m tired of not knowing who I am anymore. I’m tired of having my mind putting me into an identity I never asked for. I’m tired of this life
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