religious ocd/trauma vent

i feel like my ocd has made my relationship w God worse. ive been kind of stuck in a dark place for abt a year and distanced myself from God and religious activities in general. during that time ive realized is that i never really had/felt a loving healthy relationship w God. a lot of it had to do w some harmful teachings and most definitely my OCD. ive always felt trapped and that i constantly had to prove myself to God to be worthy of Him. even then ik that’s not how it worked, but no matter how hard i tried to “not work to earn God’s love” it never felt like i genuinely had a relationship w him. this could’ve also been ocd. but I’ve tried w everything from fasting, to giving up things, reading my Bible more, praying, joining a Christian community, etc. idk what’s wrong w me tbh..but i would always get jealous of ppl who would share their testimony’s abt how they’ve felt God’s love personally and the thing (big and little) thats He’s done for them…and tbh i still get jealous. cus i never felt that in all my years of being a Christian. I’ve always thought something was wrong w me. this is just one of things that ive struggled w my faith and it’s been weighing on me lately.

Religion & Spirituality OCD

clauisa03

Date posted: 2y

Same thing used to happen to me. I have to tell you, in my case, this was my OCD. It triggered thoughts that made me feel like I had to prove myself worthy of being a daughter of the Lord. You do not need to do anything to earn God's love, He always has and will, no matter what. Focus on your wellbeing and enjoying listening to God's word. It should never feel like a chore or burden. It will be a long journey, but I promise you it will get better. God is here with you❤️

Dragos9898

Date posted: 2y

I remember that when I got saved I felt so good, like peace and joy and all of that (stay with me,I don't want to make u jealous, I'm saying it so the story makes sense) but then my OCD hit and I started to give up thing, do more, fast as you said, pray more, read my Bible more often, and it only led me down a path of anxiety. So I gave up trying to do those things, I set certain times in the day where I would do those things and that's it, no more no less but as for the feelings....Idk I can't remember last time I had feelings like that towards God, I think the point that feelings don't matter a lot, God is here and He loves us weather we feel that warm and fuzzy feeling or weather we feeling uncertain and scared. It's hard to feel God when all of your feelings are twisted, but the point is that we don't have to feel Him to experience Him. He's there and He's loving, He understands OCD so well and there's nothing wrong with you, there's a purpose in all of this even tough personally it's been a struggle, there's purpose in all the pain. I no longer see reading more, praying more, doing more as being closer to God. (I mean, doing more than Ur capable, there's a difference between this and not doing what u can do), there's more in it than this. Just because we're different than other Christians doesn't mean we're worse and anything like that, we're just struggling. About harmful teaching, have you ever felt a fear of pastors or leader? Because of teachings that made you so anxious?

plutorem

Date posted: 2y

maybe some of it has to do w some personal trauma. cus i can’t process being loved ig 🙃

sanshine

Date posted: 20w

Religious OCD

I used to have religious OCD. Still kinda do. Accidentally thought something bad about God once, panicked thought something bad about the Holy Spirit. Fell into doom. This was recently after recomitting myself to Christ. Since then I pretty much gave up. Unfortunately, it also led to me compromising my morals many times because I figured I was going to hell anyway. I wish I knew what OCD was then. I think it would have saved me a lot of pain. I no longer have a relationship with God, and fear I never will again.

Cammy123

Date posted: 11w

Religious OCD

So about 2 years ago I gave my life to Jesus. I've always been a "Christian" but never truly lived liked one. Honestly never truly felt love for them until 2 years ago. It was the best couple months of my life!!! I felt so happy and loved and unstoppable! I thought this fire for God & Jesus will never burn out. One day I had a thought about is God real? It bothered me so bad and I went into a massive spiral. Doubting everything. My faith. if I was good enough. Am I really saved? Do I have enough faith? Is my doubt real? Is it too much? Have these blasphemous made God not want me anymore? Or Jesus? :( But I knew I was and that they were real! I know I've heard them. Then I started having horrible blasphemous thoughts but then it would go back to doubting thoughts then back to the blasphemous ones. I hated the thoughts and doubts. The thoughts are so mean towards God, Jesus & HS. It’s anywhere from evil thoughts to cussing thoughts to rejection thoughts/denying. Demonic thoughts. Literally anything bad you could think of! Even thoughts of if I really love them or wanna follow them. I learned about OCD from what I've looked up but I've been dealing with this for about 2 years now. It's hard. I doubt if it’s OCD. Definitely feel like I'm trapped or my faith isn't the same. Which makes me sad because I want my faith! I feel like I've gotten lazy and honestly that I don't deserve them or am "too far gone" from them. I feel like idk how to be a Christian or how to have faith or just exist tbh. I wanna love God & Jesus! I want faith! I just feel kinda stuck. Has anyone gone through this or has advice or tips?

Religion & Spirituality OCD

berrybrynn

Date posted: 8w

I am a Christian and I went through religious OCD and I felt like I blasphemy the Holy Spirit

so my dad is Jewish and my mom is Christian. I used to go to Hebrew school when I was younger, but recently I started going to church and becoming a Christian and turning to Jesus and when I recently got diagnosed with OCD a couple months ago I had really really bad religious OCD. I had very disrespectful thoughts about Jesusand God, but mainly Jesus. and I had very disturbing thoughts about Jesus that made me avoid a lot of things, but I know that’s making the OCD worse. I’m doing erp currently my religious OCD has honestly gone away. I’ve dealt with it. I am managing it but ever since I’ve had religious OCD and had disturbing and disrespectful thoughts about God in Jesus mainly Jesus, I’ve felt a awkward distance between me, God and Jesus and it just feels like I’m going to hell and they don’t love me anymore and I haven’t felt the same presence from God ever since I’ve had religious OCD and I’ve had some situations that I felt like I blasphemy the Holy Spirit and I committed blasphemy and I just feel like God really doesn’t love me anymore and I’m done for i’ve kind of been numb to it so it’s not really bothering me, but I want a better relationship with God and Jesus it just feels like they don’t love me anymore. Has anyone else gone through this? and I’ve had situations where I felt like I was very disrespectful and mocked God and Jesus, but mainly Jesus. And i freaked out for days didn’t feel like myself repented multiple times pretty sure this is just religious OCD but seriously I have not felt the same with my relationship with God and Jesus. OCD has really really affected my life and it sucks. I’m going through Harm OCD right now. So religious OCD has kinda gone away but I just want a better relationship with God and Jesus sorry this text is so long. Has anyone else gone through this?

Religion & Spirituality OCD

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