- Date posted
- 2y
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Did anyone break up bc they believed the wanted to? But has very bad obsessive tendencies? Please⦠I know somewhere I still love my partner⦠I said I love you to him and I meant it but being close to him is hard.. š
Did anyone break up bc they believed the wanted to? But has very bad obsessive tendencies? Please⦠I know somewhere I still love my partner⦠I said I love you to him and I meant it but being close to him is hard.. š
Iāve gone through this and i almost ended my relationship, i asked for a break rather than a breakup because i was too scared of regretting the decision of breaking up, you should try erp and learn it really well and start doing non engagement responses to your obsessive thoughts, and avoid any compulsion at any cost, breaking up in this case is a compulsion it promises you the relief of knowing you no longer have to ālieā about your feelings to your partner or hurt them or waste your time, but as soon as you do the compulsion and give in to it, youāll only feel relief for a few hours sometimes even a few minutes, before it gets worse, so just dont do it dont take any decision regarding your relationship, and communicate with your partner about your ocd without scaring them with conversations about breaking up, youāll feel relief after erp and youāll look back at this time and realize how ocd is tricky and so irrational, i wish you the bestā¤ļøāš©¹
@soumya My partner knows⦠he found my posts on the ROCD on Reddit and now knows everything Iāve been going thru. He was shocked/terrified/confused and upset I never talked to him about it but I was scared. He is at the point where he feels worthless and doesnāt believe he can live up to my expectations. It has caused him to be very very depressed even though ever since the posts heās been 10xs more supportive. He always has been but now that he knows everything he sees my face and asks me whatās wrong. I cant answer but of being afraid to hurt him⦠or lying to him or something. My happy moments I want so badly to come back bc we have a great time together when I donāt obsess. I could cuddle and everything and sometimes I donāt feel love I just do it. I am at the point where I am going insane and I know therapy is the only true way to free myself⦠but I am afraid of that tooā¦
I saw someone on Reddit say they have ended 5 relationships because of OCD, and that each time it was never the answer and it just happened again with the next person. You are choosing to love your partner and be with him. That is all that matters.
@bablti Iāve been with him for 12 years gonna be 13 in July. I wanna fix things bc when I am semi normal I can enjoy my time with him. It got worse badly in September and has been bad ever sinceā¦
@bablti How bad was it for that person?
@bablti I tested myself by trying to send a message saying I wanna break up but there were times I felt I really should but stopped myself⦠I know everything I do is a compulsion but Iāve never felt this way about him before⦠š¢ I want my happy moments where I truly knew I love him and can be a good partner. I hate focusing on his short comings and issues⦠my obsessing made everything worse š¢
@7710 ā¤ļø I can't find the post anymore but the person said something about how it wasn't the answer, that it only gave relief for a short time and then the cycle would just repeat... the issue here is not your partner or relationship, but OCD. Are you getting therapy?
I canāt see myself with someone elseā¦
@7710 ā¤ļø I know that feeling so well.. seek therapy and i truly hope from the bottom of my heart that it helps you, the best therapy for OCD is CBT and erp and i would suggest an ocd specialist to do it with you, both of you deserve to be happy even tho idk you, best of luck to you on your journey
Iām a 19 year old girl and I have relationship ocd. My bf (20) and I are in college and around 2 days ago he asked for a break via text and then we called after on the phone which was the last time we spoke. Weāve been doing medium/long distance (1-2hrs away from eachother). Iām his first serious relationship and girl heās ever loved. Heās my first healthy relationship and he felt like home to me. We both date to marry and everything with him felt so finalized, as silly as it sounds. Due to life being life we havenāt been able to see eachother the past three ish weeks. During that time he became different, wasnāt as loving as he used to be, and I had to continuously ask him to call me and he only did once or twice for about 15 minutes. Heās incredibly busy and in a agricultural frat. Unfortunately, he seeks a lot of validation from his frat brothers. Itās funny too, because I absolutely hate frats since I feel like often, of course not always, but often, all frats are about partying and hookup culture. Thatās ok, itās just not my thing as that to me isnāt what I value. With my bf though, I still loved him anyway. My bf was different from the stereotypical frat guy douche. You truly would not guess that him of all people is in one. He has incredibly redeeming qualities - heās so kind, always tries to do the right thing, is so gentle, hardworking, encouraging, sensitive and sometimes emotionally intelligent lol. Due to this he gets treated differently in the house and the brothers disrespected him constantly. He would literally cry about it in my arms or in his car multiple times. When he was in my arms I was tearing up because it hurt me to see him like that. It broke my heart, but he was always too afraid to speak up for himself. I got pissed so many times and said I will say something for him - Iād do literally anything for him to make him happy. It became very obvious to me that heās seeking so much male validation to fit in even though he comes from a great family with two married parents, with his dad being an absolutely amazing person and two older brothers. Hes said so many times that he doesnāt belong at the frat and I agreed and would tell him itās because he was too good for them. I think heās changed now though, and he honestly wants to fully submerge himself into this frat. Heās also taking max credit classes and has a job. Iāve been working to transfer over to the school he is at and as of late Iāve been doing community college, doing therapy with NOCD, going to the gym, and finally getting a car and being able to drive. I find myself that in relationships I let the other persons mood define mine, and I minimize my needs to make them happier. I wish I wasnāt like this and that I was a normal person. I care so deeply about him and want the best for him and I. I think he saw that flaw in me and with the combined stress of us being busy and not seeing eachother, thought it was time for a break. We called after he sent the text and I sobbed and acted a fool on the phone and I was absolutley pissed st first but only because I care. That was our first phone call in a while. He was crying and sobbing and calling me baby and the last thing we said to eachother was I love you, with him initiating that. Not too long after he was quick to take a lot of our posts down and stop sharing his location. So I did the same, and then just deleted all of my social media. I donāt know if he unadded me on anything, I donāt want to know and I donāt want to see his posts. I donāt think he has any idea as to what heās doing. Iāll never forget when I was his date to one of his frat formals and I spoke to an alumni for a long time. He said to my bf waiting for me while I was in the bathroom āyou got a good girl, take care of herā. My bf told me after that happened, because it was sweet, but I donāt think he honestly knew what that man really meant. Because I think if my bf did understand; I wouldnāt have to practically beg him to acknowledge me with a āmaybe we could callā text for weeks, he wouldāve directly thanked my mom for all the gifts I bought him using her money, he wouldāve actually looked my mom in the eyes when heās talking to her, he wouldāve made sure that with intimacy my needs were also satisfied - not just his, he wouldnāt have told me what makeup style I should wear and what celebrities/traits he finds attractive in other girls even though Iāve voiced Iām uncomfortable with it, he wouldāve shown more interest in my hobbies and likes the way I did his, and lastly, he wouldāve been more courteous about my feelings and put his ego aside. I mean Iād literally watch hour long videos about fucking warhammer even though I thought it was boring. I sent him an educational video about OCD that I donāt think he ever took the time to watch. Which hurts, because he knows itās something about me that I discovered during our relationship. Meanwhile, while I have stuff to work on like every person ever, I understand that I donāt need to fit into a group to feel complete. Iāve been authentically myself, flawed and all. Iām not afraid to show my problems to people. I donāt think Iām better than him because Iām like this, but I think thatās where weāre at right now. He hurt me so much and if/when he decides to come back is when I let him. I want him to regret this and for us to work out, but only if thereās change. He said we should work on ourselves and I agree. Iām slowly feeling better, but this took so many people by surprise especially his brothers gf who I was incredibly close to. She also has OCD funnily enough, and weāve privately bonded over our bfs just not understanding OCD or going to each other for relationship/self care advice. I donāt know what to do, he was home to me. I love him, but I donāt love his actions and I deserve more. I hope he realizes what heās missing out on, regrets it, and truly understands my value.
I know itās long but plz read :( have been having really bad ocd about my relationship and my partner and it has gotten worse and worse over the span of like about nine months Iād say. I do acknowledge there are flaws and legit issues about him and the relationship like there are with anyone but I also know ocd has clouded my judgement and perception by analyzing everything and compulsions. For a while I kept feeling this need to get out which I know was ocd. I was really scared to spend the weekend with him because I thought I would just be annoyed and irritated cause itās been that way for a while but he also was going through a period of high stress so maybe I was resenting him for that and I also wasnāt communicating how I should have been when I was upset because Iāve done that too much in the past. This weekend I was told in therapy to just be in the moment and not have to worry about trying to answer the question of do I love him or should I break up. It did help but Itās weird cause this weekend ended up better but I also was kind of numb? Like I was enjoying myself but didnāt feel what I always have felt in the past? Anyway, I am really anxious because i feel like if I loved him I would be supportive of when his parents compliment him or when he does well at something when instead all I think of are that Iām not happy or annoyed because of things he does that upset me or make me mad and itās like thatās the only way my brain wants to see him as a person. Or when he is upset it feels like I donāt care like I used to because I think of how he doesnāt deserve this when he does this or he shouldnāt have this when he is like this etc. Why does my brain automatically go there? Thatās horrible! I feel like I should be excited for him, rooting for him. But it also feels like I do care for him? But my thoughts keep changing. I am afraid I only am with him because I love that he loves me and how he treats me. This makes me feel selfish cause I canāt do that. I notice I still like when he cuddles me and is sweet to me and does fun things watching movies etc. And thatās not how it used to feeel which scares me because I donāt want to be without him. I also love his parents am I only with him cause of how his parents treat me? I feel so selfish and like I have to tell him and break up with him cause itās the right thing to do. I never used to feel like this. Iām scared. Is it possible Iām just Iāve been mad and resenting how itās been cause heās been stressed mix with my ocd? My therapist said relationships can go through phases. Can I fall back in love with him again? I feel like I have to try to start with someone else like this is too far gone. I donāt want to stay in something where I donāt feel toward him the way I want to but I really donāt want to leave him. I feel like such an awful person cause he doesnāt deserve this and is so caring and loving despite everything the major thing that bugs me is how he gets irritable a lot which is an imperfection that makes me get anxious and question himš trying not to read into this and just follow what the therapist said but this is scaring me because I feel like if I loved him I wouldnāt think like this or feel like this.
Everyday I wake up and start searching for reason to breakup with my partner. I feel utterly confused by relationships and dating. Not to mention, Iām autistic and this has always been a huge struggle for me. In fact, it led me to both diagnoses of ASD and OCD. I can see there are some things I am not happy with in my current relationship and I understand that, but when does it become too much? I started having limerence over a random person because my brain just wants an out so fast. I told myself that I wouldnāt until I get proper help (medication, constant erp therapy etc). Every time I think about breaking up I start sobbing and my body vehemently rejects it. Its really confusing and disorienting for me and cant trust a damn thought in me. Iām scared that Iām just taking him along for the ride and potentially will severely fuck him up emotionally because of this. I guess thats where I can feel the OCD. My fear of being a bad person and the people around me being bad people. I dont know if I need advice because I think this may be me searching for a compulsion to do. But I just want to get this out of my system. I have severe Disney-like unrealistic expectations sometimes. I had to maladaptive daydream all the time growing up to get out of my traumatic upbringing and brain (tbh). I still do. I am aware of that and try to put myself into check. I just cant stop comparing my friends own beautiful relationships to my own. Most of them are in the āengagementā stage of their relationships. Even though itās ridiculous, all of them have worked on it for many years at this point.
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