Date posted: 2y

academic integrity ocd

hey everyone, i’ve recently been feeling pretty down after doing finals and would appreciate some support from some fellow uni students. i felt strangely more scared for finals this year and wouldn’t stop crying- i was an emotional wreck. thankfully finals finished a month ago, but i’ve been getting nightmares of reliving exams and what my grades would be like. i’ve had a very tough last two years of academic performance. my first year was really good, but second and third have been pretty poor. i also have been affected with academic integrity themes, so i’ve been ruminating about plagiarism, if i cheated in any assignments i’ve turned it, and if my final grades have been miscalculated. i had a new one today over whether a paper i did last year (irrational i know as i’m already moving on to fourth year next year) was miscalculated. i got C for the first two assessments (first test was 56/100 with 20% weighting and second was 59/100 with 20% weighting). i ended up failing the final exam which was worth 60% and i scored 44.17/100. overall, they marked me as a C- for my final grade, so it was 50/100. because of my obsessive episode over grading, i decided to calculate it in case the university miscalculated it. my calculation was 49.50, but my friends told me that it’s highly unlikely the university would have miscalculated over grades that has no dispute - for example, they may have forgotten to mark something so that would need to be reconsidered. they also said that my calculation would be different from the university’s due to grade boundary and other special circs. i’ve told myself that maybe i got 50/100 instead of 49.5/100 because they rounded up my grade and that the class is graded on a curve, and that according to the assessment handbook, they need to scrutinise students with grade boundary grades and that they all go for moderation. but my ocd is telling me that i in fact have failed the class and failed to report this to the university, and now i should report it to them otherwise i would be dishonest, and that i would have to repeat that class again. it’s all just very frustrating, i typically don’t ruminate that much with exams, the last time i was like that was in my first year of uni before i got my ocd diagnosis. can someone please share some guidance? i feel like i’m going to struggle to go to sleep and continue ruminating over this throughout the weekend.

"Pure" OCD

Lovewins

Date posted: 2y

I've been in similar cycles regarding concerns over honesty. An example cpuld be regarding work, or a job interview where I would obsess over answers to a question I provided and wondering if I used the most accurate word with the most accurate definition to answer something. . . And then worrying that if I didnt, I was dishonest. And then worrying over whether or not I need to go back and "make something right." I've learned to try and be at peace with knowing honesty is about intentions. Did I provide the best answer I could at the time? Then that was sufficient. Now if I accidentally provided an answer that was factually inaccurate and there could be material consequences as a result, sure. . .maybe I need to tactfully address it. But it's best to try and accept we did the best we could and occupy our mind with something else. And yes, laying in bed is the hardest time for me when it comes to not ruminating. I've yet to come up with a way to stop ruminating and tossing and turning at night. The only thing I've noticed is that the better I do at not obsessing during the day, the less likely I am to ruminate at night.

Date posted: 2y

@Lovewins thank you for your words, i’m trying to use compassion-based thinking and remind myself of my intentions, it’s just so hard cause i feel like what if they miscalculated my grade and considering this is a prerequisite course, i may have been dishonest going into the profession. regardless i’ve told myself that i won’t be able to solve this in the weekend with the university closed, and that i should aim to maximise the most of my weekend.

moomoo22

Date posted: 24w

pls reply if you have help

i am a freshman in college and i have always struggled with depression, anxiety, and OCD. i have never received help for my OCD despite being medicated for my other two issues. i have noticed that what most of my panic stems from is my OCD and more specifically my OCD around school. i haven’t been able to get myself up for class for multiple days and im starting to panic about everything im missing and think about every little thing i have to fix. i am so behind that it makes me want to panic and i feel like i cant fix this. i just want my mind to feel normal but it feels like my whole world is falling apart all because i am feeling stuck in school. please help me i just want to feel okay but i dont know how to. i have tried doing all the assignments i can do to catch up but it isn’t enough i still feel so panicked

nothanksnott...

Date posted: 23w

Anyone struggling with self-esteem post-OCD spike?

Hoping to find solidarity - I’m coming out of a major OCD episode and my self-esteem definitely took a hit. I talked with my therapist about it, and she was really helpful, and it definitely seems like it could be depression, especially as it was a really rough winter where I live and it’s really only just starting to ease up. Plus it’s also late at night as I’m writing this and as they say, never trust how you feel about your life after 9PM lol - but I’m just wondering if anyone else is dealing with this. I can sit with the uncertainty and the anxiety, but my self-esteem definitely takes a hit with every intrusive thought, and it makes me feel like no one could ever love me, or like I’d be lying/faking being a good person. Just curious to hear others’ thoughts about this - if this is pretty much to be expected after a major OCD episode, if this is depression, etc. And like, for context, it was a really bad OCD episode - fears I thought I’d dealt with already came up, a lot of new fears, every day for months was really high anxiety where I was watching TV just to get through the day, and it felt like I was just holding on until my next therapy session. And all centered around one of the darker OCD themes, and I’m only just coming out of it. Like this is the second or third week where I’ve been able to sit with things that come up and let the anxiety pass, so I feel like this is probably to be expected, that now that it’s passing, there’s things I have to address, like the self-esteem and the areas of my life that got neglected while I was in survival mode. I just hope it gets better soon - I want to go back to how I was feeling last spring and summer, when OCD wasn’t bothering me as much, or it was a less-dark theme to deal with, and i felt so much better about myself 😣 Maybe it’s just a matter of getting out of the house and out of my own head, and doing things that align with my values, especially after months of feeling like a terrible person? Will this pass eventually and I’ll feel like myself again? It’s just hard to actually really think about myself and what kind of person I am - I get anxious thinking about if I’m a good person or a bad person, and I almost kind of try to avoid thinking much about myself at all. And it feels like I’m faking being a good person - like if people only knew half the thoughts and fears that came up, they wouldn’t like me anymore. And it feels like if I move on and forget about these fears that came up, I’m lying to people and to myself, but I just wish I could move on from all of this, and be who I used to be, when these thoughts and fears weren’t on my mind. If you read this far, thank you 🤗❤️ i hope things get easier for you soon and that many good things come your way. Stay safe and take care of yourself

graygoose-2

Date posted: 23w

School anxiety/OCD

So I have cheated on tests and exams before, and I just now have started feeling guilty about it because of my OCD flare ups among everything else in my life. I also have really bad relationship ocd that I may cheat or may have cheated in the past (I didn’t) and so having these thoughts that I cheat in school makes me feel like a really bad person. I didn’t feel bad about it until now, because I know that it’s wrong. I still can’t shake the feeling of guilt and I feel like I should confess to my professors.

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academic integrity ocd

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