- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y
obsessed with my boyfriend’s romantic past
to preface, my boyfriend and i have been together for a year and a few months, but we have a much longer history as “friends” before that. anyways, he and i are both demisexual, meaning that we didn’t have any sexual interests with anyone else but each other, and only after we had made a feel connection together. he and i have been through lots of struggles, and at one point he accidentally led me on and he has apologized numerous times for. i know that he never ever meant to hurt me, but i can’t get over it. like it’s very weird. he told me he liked another girl three years ago and it broke my heart; she and i have dance class together and when i see her, i constantly compare myself to her. at our dance shows, i wonder if he’s just watching her. up until yesterday, i thought that i was the first kiss my bf ever had. i was wrong (he kissed a girl on the cheek playing spin the bottle in 7th grade) and for some reason that broke my heart. i know that it’s way before we dated (we’re seniors in high school now) and it doesn’t make sense for me to get upset, especially considering that i’ve kissed two other ex boyfriends before him. since he’s told me, it’s been hard for me to look into his eyes because all i can think about is her. i couldn’t let him touch me because i felt betrayed. when i look at his lips, all that i think about is them kissing her cheek. he’s told me he’s never felt anything to her and it was so stupid, but i can’t get it out of my head. he and i will be having a good time and then i look at him and think of it and i can’t look at him and i’m struggling to be able to connect with him. it’s like i have this mental barrier and i just cannot get over it. i ask him questions to make myself feel better because i feel like i have to know everything, so i think it’s ocd but i just want to get over it. i also want to add that being demisexual and even before i knew that i was, i have always felt that my body is a very sacred place. i don’t let people touch it a lot because it means a lot to me when that does happen. i literally thought that i was asexual until i began dating boyfriend. i have a such a hard time with the idea of him liking other people in the past and the kiss and i always ask him questions over it until i feel better and then i ask again later and it’s exhausting. thoughts?