My ROCD has been so bad. I am married and I feel so disconnected to my husband. I am having thoughts and fantasy’s about a “crush” I have and it does make me happy to think about them. Which I feel guilty about. I guess I just miss that newness feelings and I am sad I’ll never have those feelings again. Can anyone relate?
I had a very similar situation recently where I met someone handsome during my semester abroad and it triggered my thoughts/guilt/compulsions extremely because I also have a fear of cheating. What helped me, first of all, is to accept that Iight have crushes/feelings for others and that my "morals"/societal rules are the reason I feel guilt. I also did exposure, meaning I actually met the person in a safe setting and didn't try to avoid them. I told myself "so what? I have a crush. This is not the end of the world". Try to minimize your compulsions. Don't try to figure out what it means, just accept that it is there at the moment. It might stay it might go. That seems terrifying at first but I think accepting that is a big step. I know this feeling of "what if I never feel xy with my partner again", but chasing a feeling won't bring it back. Yes, it might happen, but you can handle it. Thats what you always have to tell you. No matter what happens, no matter what you do, you can handle it. Also feeling disconnected is normal. I am trying not to do reassurance for you, so I won't say more about that. But maybe you could look into your expectations you set for yourself and your partner and see if this is a realistic expectation in general. When you have the expectation that a relationship is just good when you always feel butterflies/specific feelings than it might be hard. Because feelings come and go (and then come again). Maybe find gentle ways to reconnect with your partner but don't obsess over how you feel while spending time with them. Hope that helps a bit :)
@ROCDmensch Thank you so much for your response and kindness. When you met with that person how did you feel? I feel like I’d enjoy their company 😐 and think of what if with them.
I tried not to censor any thoughts, it was scary at first because of course I thought "he is attractive. I am attracted in a sexual way" etc. All those things that trigger me. But still I said to myself, that's okay. It feels uncomfortable but once I started accepting it, I noticed that the feeling faded. I knew I thought he was attractive but it was not a threat anymore, it was just a fact. I also decided that just because I find someone (sexually) attractive doesn't mean a)that I'm a bad person/girlfriend and b) that being with them would automatically be a good choice, I don't have to act on the feeling. You need to let go of the moral expectations you have about yourself. Cheating can happen. I know that sounds terrifying, but you need to accept this uncertain fact to overcome the fear.
Also I would recommend watching some videos from the YouTube channel "OCD Recovery" about cheating OCD :) it helped me a bit to understand it better and what I need to do. This doesn't mean I am over it..I still have it but I realised that I don't help myself if I try to isolate myself from any potential "danger" like going out, meeting new people etc
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