Does anyone experience this?

I feel like im a bad person... not because of the thoughts. When i have thoughts about harm someone i feel excitement, and i get in a fight with my mind cause i know its bad thing to do, but my mind still gives me.feelings of excitement and says you want this to do, would be fun. I feel like this isnt ocd...noone every told that they feel like theyre excited over these thoughts then they scared...and if i dont do it i get sad and then i get sad over getting sad that i didnt do it...cause thats bad... Help me im tired of this, i start to believe im a bad person. Normal people, or even people with ocd doesnt have these feelings, i feel like my concience and the dark side of me are fighting...it doesnt feels like it wants to save me from a potencial danger, its more like it wants to convice me to do something bad and thats not ocd and i feel terrible about it

Harm OCD

Joey Gerbino

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I’m sorry to hear that you’re experiencing this. OCD is the doubting disorder and it will make you question whether or not you truly want to go through with whatever is triggering you. However, OCD can also present itself in both feelings and urges as well. You mentioned being aware of the fact that your feelings are “Bad” and that in it and of itself shows that you’re consciously aware of the difference between what’s right and wrong. Contrary to that and although unpleasant; there’s no such thing as a good or bad thought(s) because thoughts are just thoughts. With OCD, it’s all about how we go about interacting with them or rather not, interacting with them. Easier said than done, but practice sitting with the discomfort and work on accepting uncertainty because nothing in life is 100% certain for anyone. Sending love, compassion and support while suffering from the monster and battling the beast that is OCD 💌

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

Thank you very much but noone talks about the feelings of excitement to do something bad... that i feel that i would like to do it and i feel excited, how this is still ocd? Im aware its so bad, and only sick people feel excited over these thoughts, then how i know its ocd? It feels like a good person trying to fight to not turn an evil one as in movies. As i said it doesnt feel like its protect me from i might do something bad, its like it wants to convince me, even when i get anxious and get a little relief that okay i feel anxious about it so im not dont want to do it, then i just imediatelly push away anxiety and my mind is like no we dont want to feel anxious about it cause we want to do it,its like i want to lose the fear to do it... idk i didnt heard anyone have this serious ocd, IF ITS REALLY OCD...

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

And the other thing, i notice it that its wrong but in the hard fight, i feel like i need to let go of saying this is bad and i have to the feelings to take over... it never happened, but it always feels like im just a step from changing my values and become an evil person

Ocdhater29

Date posted: 2y

I don’t get excitement over the thoughts but I feel like I want to do them.

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

Thats why i think i have a big problem

Ocdhater29

Date posted: 2y

@PRIV8 Trust me the thoughts don’t scare me, which makes me worried. I can think about the most gruesome thing and I’m fine. It’s just about dealing with it. You got this, we got this

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous So you think its still ocd? Cause i dont feel like it expecially with the excitment

Ocdhater29

Date posted: 2y

@PRIV8 Yea I think it is. I’m new to all of this too, and it sucks trust me. I have felt strong urges to act on my thoughts. And the fact that you’re worried about it says something too. You know it’s wrong. I have a hard time not thinking about the thoughts on purpose but when they come I kind of just tell myself I’m not my thoughts and move on with my day.

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Yeah when i try that its so hard and sometimes it tricks me like "no i dont want to let this thought go, cause i really want to act on them, this is me" like its so hard to see who is the real me

Ocdhater29

Date posted: 2y

@PRIV8 Trust me I am in the same boat

Anonymous

Date posted: 25w

Help?

So, I don't know if anyone's going to comment on this post, but I've been doing pretty badly lately. I suffered from a second relapse of OCD around nearly a year ago, back when I first experienced OCD, I had all the symptoms, researching, crying none-stop, suicidal, etc, but now that it's been almost four years of this same theme. It doesn't feel nearly as bad anymore? It's almost like it brings me happiness??? I see people saying with confidence that they'd never do their intrusive thoughts but I can't agree with them, I'm not confident I won't do them, a few years ago, I'd say I'd NEVER do them and I would rather kill myself before doing them but now I can't say it. I don't know what's going on anymore and what makes it worse I think is that my feelings are all over the place, a part of me wants to give up while the other part of me is still fighting and I'm crying right now as I write this but I don't even know if I'm scared. Sometimes I just let myself "enjoy" the intrusive thoughts because I'm so tired and everytime I look at a reddit post about someone saying that they felt guilty for enjoying an intrusive thought, I don't feel that same emotion, and I keep researching and researching. It doesn't feel like OCD anymore. I can't even say I'm scares for the right reasons, my brain keeps telling me that I'm only scared because I don't want others to look down on me and the truth is that I actually "enjoy" the thoughts and I simply don't want to be looked down upon on society. I don't know what to do, I want to go in the bathroom and cry until I disappear

"Pure" OCD

Aphid123

Date posted: 25w

Is this even OCD?

Hey so a couple months ago (7-8) I remember being upset at my family member. Like she was talking too much while I was annoyed and remember wanting her to be quiet. I got an intrusive thought like a really bad image of doing something really bad to her, and my hand twitched to the side a little? Like it felt like I was about to?! And I remembered thinking "if I do this, I'll get in trouble". I got up and left to the bathroom and felt horrified! I was thinking "did I want to act out? Did the only reason I didn't act out was because of getting in trouble? If there was no consequences, would have I done it?! Does this mean this whole time I've been using OCD as an excuse?" I remember I couldn't sleep for 3 nights because of how bad the anxiety was, I was crying and I felt very guilty like I should turn myself in to a mental hospital. I couldn't eat for many days or be near her because of that thought and twitch I had! I'm worried it was an impulse or I actually wanted to hurt her. And even to this day I still ruminanate about this. Like last night I couldn't sleep well I kept waking up every two hours and asking myself "am I capable?" I couldn't eat last night. Sometimes I move on from it like I forget that happened but when I remember, I feel distressed about it! I don't want to be an evil person or do bad actions towards anyone! I'm even scared to be angry because of this because I'm scared I have more "chance" of acting out due to anger. Like was it an impulse and I held back? Is this even OCD? Please help, I'm really scared!

LizM99

Date posted: 17w

Is this something OCD does?

Whenever anyone starts to feel like their thoughts are less triggering or they feel a moment of happiness/ relief OCD tells you that you want the thoughts back or you actually like having the thoughts and maybe thats just the person I really am? I feel like im going insane😢

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