Does anyone experience this?

I feel like im a bad person... not because of the thoughts. When i have thoughts about harm someone i feel excitement, and i get in a fight with my mind cause i know its bad thing to do, but my mind still gives me.feelings of excitement and says you want this to do, would be fun. I feel like this isnt ocd...noone every told that they feel like theyre excited over these thoughts then they scared...and if i dont do it i get sad and then i get sad over getting sad that i didnt do it...cause thats bad... Help me im tired of this, i start to believe im a bad person. Normal people, or even people with ocd doesnt have these feelings, i feel like my concience and the dark side of me are fighting...it doesnt feels like it wants to save me from a potencial danger, its more like it wants to convice me to do something bad and thats not ocd and i feel terrible about it

Harm OCD

Joey Gerbino

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I’m sorry to hear that you’re experiencing this. OCD is the doubting disorder and it will make you question whether or not you truly want to go through with whatever is triggering you. However, OCD can also present itself in both feelings and urges as well. You mentioned being aware of the fact that your feelings are “Bad” and that in it and of itself shows that you’re consciously aware of the difference between what’s right and wrong. Contrary to that and although unpleasant; there’s no such thing as a good or bad thought(s) because thoughts are just thoughts. With OCD, it’s all about how we go about interacting with them or rather not, interacting with them. Easier said than done, but practice sitting with the discomfort and work on accepting uncertainty because nothing in life is 100% certain for anyone. Sending love, compassion and support while suffering from the monster and battling the beast that is OCD 💌

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

Thank you very much but noone talks about the feelings of excitement to do something bad... that i feel that i would like to do it and i feel excited, how this is still ocd? Im aware its so bad, and only sick people feel excited over these thoughts, then how i know its ocd? It feels like a good person trying to fight to not turn an evil one as in movies. As i said it doesnt feel like its protect me from i might do something bad, its like it wants to convince me, even when i get anxious and get a little relief that okay i feel anxious about it so im not dont want to do it, then i just imediatelly push away anxiety and my mind is like no we dont want to feel anxious about it cause we want to do it,its like i want to lose the fear to do it... idk i didnt heard anyone have this serious ocd, IF ITS REALLY OCD...

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

And the other thing, i notice it that its wrong but in the hard fight, i feel like i need to let go of saying this is bad and i have to the feelings to take over... it never happened, but it always feels like im just a step from changing my values and become an evil person

Ocdhater29

Date posted: 2y

I don’t get excitement over the thoughts but I feel like I want to do them.

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

Thats why i think i have a big problem

Ocdhater29

Date posted: 2y

@PRIV8 Trust me the thoughts don’t scare me, which makes me worried. I can think about the most gruesome thing and I’m fine. It’s just about dealing with it. You got this, we got this

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous So you think its still ocd? Cause i dont feel like it expecially with the excitment

Ocdhater29

Date posted: 2y

@PRIV8 Yea I think it is. I’m new to all of this too, and it sucks trust me. I have felt strong urges to act on my thoughts. And the fact that you’re worried about it says something too. You know it’s wrong. I have a hard time not thinking about the thoughts on purpose but when they come I kind of just tell myself I’m not my thoughts and move on with my day.

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Yeah when i try that its so hard and sometimes it tricks me like "no i dont want to let this thought go, cause i really want to act on them, this is me" like its so hard to see who is the real me

Ocdhater29

Date posted: 2y

@PRIV8 Trust me I am in the same boat

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 22w

Scared, feel like I liked thought

Guys I feel a bit bothered. I fear I liked a thought bc my sister was showing me this video about a robbery and right before she was going to show me I was thinking "no... tsk this is not what I want to see. Dont think of anything." But i had to watch bc my sister was already playing the video. I tried to not pay as much attention. I hate watching videos that have stuff related to harm bc ocd loves to latch on. I got so many thoughts. But when I saw the person pull out a weapon and the cashier jump extremely high, I felt like laughing??? But not bc of what was going on but bc "why did he jump like that? It was so high! You know what? I would've jumped liked this too. That's scary!" And then I felt angry for the cashier bc why do evil people commit such things? How the heck? But ocd says i laughed bc I felt a sense of superiority and liked seeing people scared and want to feel a distorted sense of power. Like.. no? I knew I felt like laughing bc I didn't expect him to jump so high and I wanted to point it out but decided not to bc the video is serious, and it's not a movie. But I feel kinda guilty like why tf did I feel like laughing. I didn't even smile or actually laugh irl but it's bothering me. Then my sister showed me some other video and explained a specific weapon and I kept getting thoughts like "ohhh i want that! I wanna scare people too! I want to test the thoughts to double check if i actually like them" And it gave me an image of me doing something crazy like robbing a store as well! AND IT FELT REAL! I WASNT EVEN WANTING TO THINK THIS! Im worried this means its real or that i enjoyed the thought and fantasized, but at the same time ik im not actually interested nor do I have plans but what if I WANTED to for those few seconds?! Bc why did it FEEL like I enjoyed it??? I know I wouldn't, i dont have plans to nor do i want to think about making plans and I'm genuinely not interested but WHAT IF??? Did i enjoy this thought?! It felt like I wanted to bc I didn't immediately reject it like usual and for some reason felt "happy" (i didnt smile or anything but it FELT like i was happy???) Literally right after the thought came i was thinking to myself "OMG is that true?" And couldn't focus on anything else! How do I know I didnt genuinely enjoy and dont have some weird sense of power??? It's been bothering me so much, this happened a couple hours ago and I managed to fall asleep in the middle of my compulsion of mentally reviewing how I reacted to my thoughts.

GreenTurtle098

Date posted: 20w

18+ TW

Okay so In the moment I get intrusive thoughts about children which I hate. I get the gronal responses which I always so many compultions after. My ocd is very bad and I’m showering and changing my bedding around 8 times. Therapists have told me I’m the worse they’ve ever known. That’s how bad my life is atm. I hate this disorder. I want to know if ocd can cause these things as it will help me to fight my compulsions and just except it’s ocd… In the moment the gronal responses are genuinely pleasurable and I struggle to ignore them and stop them, in the moment t I want them even if it was due to a thought of a kid My OCD will tell me I’m aroused I’ll feel aroused then when moving around in my bed it’ll tell me to make my vagina touch my bedding for a feeling while I’m turning over and I purposely do it in the moment… I hate it. After I do so many compilations, it’s not even me it’s like someone else controlling my body When I try to fight my compulsions I think in my mind “I like this anyways” and actually like the thoughts and gronal responses over the children, which then makes me not be able to fight them. For example my ocf was telling me to spray my feet with anti back, but then I tried to fight it and I was thinking to myself “nah l like this one I like this feeling over the kid it’s the real me” like I didn’t even feel stressed from it it’s like I wanted it. Of corse after these I do lots and many compultions Please I just want to know if ocd can do this

LizM99

Date posted: 20w

Is this something OCD does?

Whenever anyone starts to feel like their thoughts are less triggering or they feel a moment of happiness/ relief OCD tells you that you want the thoughts back or you actually like having the thoughts and maybe thats just the person I really am? I feel like im going insane😢

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