Really Stressing!

I have been dealing with severe contamination OCD for awhile now and for the past several months it has been around laundry. I have been working with my ERP therapist here and taking baby steps since this is at the top of my hierarchy. I was slowly making progress however my husband once again has triggered me back to the start and this is not the first time he has done this. I simply asked him to let me do the laundry and I had a system, I will say an odd system however that was working for me while I continued with the baby steps and keeping my anxiety at a manageable level. Now I just feel so angry, at myself, at him and at my OCD. I have already replaced the washer twice. I just feel like I can't catch a break and now I am forced to sit with the anxiety, not by choice because I can't afford to replace it again! 😢

Contamination OCD

Username: mispunkmispunk

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

I understand exactly what you’re going through. I too have contamination OCD and laundry is a huge trigger for me. I did all the laundry because I was afraid my husband would contaminate the clothes or washer. My ERP has been to allow him to do the laundry and not control how he does it. Which is EXTREMELY difficult. It has been slow with ups & downs, but I’m getting better and actually like not having to do all the laundry 😂 I know it’s hard, but you got this!

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

Thanks for your reply! That is great to hear you are making progress! I didn't use to struggle with contamination OCD hardly at all before! It's so wild how it can change themes and severity like it does 😢

Username: AshaAsha

Date posted: 2y ago

Believe me i can relate. as someone with contamination ocd i too struggle w laundry being my top 3 in my hierarchy. couple of things to keep in mind 1 people who do not have ocd, their brain works DIFFERENTLY. and he may not have been trying to do it to hurt you. helps to give people benefit of doubt Also, no matter how contaminated you think your washer is, you can still function with the anxiety. its not easy but it will get easier with time. one of the ways our fear gets to us is cause we are convinced we will never feel better

Username: AshaAsha

Date posted: 2y ago

you are not alone… I do the same thing with my husband and hes terrified and traumatized because i created a big fight when he did laundry and I remind him daily too before going to work not to do it. he still forgets though. one thing my therapist told me is “let the ocd scream” and sit with the feeling of feeling like your life has been upended for 20 mins .ocd also tends to go after your what you deeply value like your spouse making it seem like they are the enemy and it does tend to isolate you till your circle and life gets smaller and smaller and all theres left is the ocd think of ocd as the enemy not your husband. you gotta fight it as team : not saying any of this is easy. im struggling too .OCd is horrible and i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy but unlike other mental illnesses can be controlled to the point of being able to live a normal-ish life.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

Thanks again! I have had OCD for 30 plus years and was able to live a fairly normal life even without medicine for years at a time, this round has literally been the hardest ever! I think I may have traumatized my husband after yesterday too!

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

Thanks for your reply! I do know it's hard for someone without OCD to understand, he knew I had a major meltdown the first time and did it again, I have it so bad with laundry that I repeatedly ask him to leave the laundry to me almost daily so I don't think he just forgot. 😢 I agree my OCD has gotten to the point I do feel that I will never get better!

Username: IAmGoingToOv...

Date posted: 2y ago

Harm ocd

So my husband has been off work a couple of months due to me having some pretty severe health problems, not associated with OCD. His Family medical leave has run out and he is returning to work. I’ve been struggling with this because when he’s home my OCD is non existent. When he’s here I feel safe, and I don’t fear because he’s here with me and I feel like he would stop me from losing it if I were to. My recent fear is that when he goes back to work he won’t be here to stop me if I were to lose my mind, I get thoughts of what if I lose my mind, what if I run out in traffic, what of I go to a neighbors house and try to harm someone. I NEVER want to do anything like that, but the thought and fear of it and the urges are very REAL! I know I’m supposed to sit with the uncomfortable thoughts, feelings and urges but my god that’s impossible for me, I go straight into panic attacks and freak out! I’m doing ERP but I’m in the very beginning stages of it, and I’m really struggling to cope. My fear is I’ll forever be debilitated by this and it will cause my husband to lose his job, and we will lose everything. Can anyone help me to find extra resources on how to cope and deal with this, or any hope? I would greatly appreciate it. This is the WORST condition to ever have to deal with. :(

Harm OCD

Username: Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Unsure what to do.

Here we go again. That’s all it feels like. Just one big circle. I was doing much better but it seems like it’s this endless rollercoaster. There was a time in my life where OCD didn’t exist. I used to be care free and (still have plenty of issues trying to resolve with therapy don’t get me wrong) but it wasn’t like this. I have met this person who is truly the love of my life. The support, love, and giving kind of relationship we have is unlike anything I’ve ever known or even thought truly existed… and I’m ruining it. Not only does this man congratulate my small wins with me with my contamination OCD but also tries to understand as much as he can just so he can support and be there for me better. Somehow, someway I have now developed another form or encountered a for of ROCD. I’m acknowledging another form of something I do desperately need to conquer snd remove from my life. I feel so defeated and depressed to the point I really don’t see the point anymore. I have a great man who deserves none of this headache to begin with.. this is my battle not his and yet he has taken on thsi and willingly no less. I have always been confident. There should be no reason for insecurities in myself or us. But they are here, right now. Could it be a normal fix? Can it be something worked on.. if so, what does the ERP look like? I want to get better for me… but for him and my family as well. I’m tired of being this way, this person who has so many issues that never end, never stop. I try really hard to control my emotions and thoughts and it’s exhausting. I’m just tired and done with my own self and I either need advice and hope or I just don’t know what I’ll be able to handle anymore

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 47w ago

I'm stuck

Hi I'm new to this app and just wanted to communicate with someone struggling with simular things. My ocd has me feeling so stuck right now, like I just don't know what to do. It's caused me to stay home from school and quit my job due to panic attacks. I should probably specify I have contamination ocd and some other one idk what to call. Closest thing would probably be perfection ocd. A couple days ago I had a really bad panic attack once I got home from work where I cried and sat on the stairs for about 2 hours. I only got up when my mom forced me to, because everytime I tried I just felt like I couldn't move. It was mainly triggered by my job as I find it "dirty" and cant handle it anymore- I quit mt job that night. Then is also when I finally told my mom how I've been feeling because of it and now she's constantly worrying that I haven't hurt myself as I finally told her "I just want it to stop." I don't think I actually would but I can't help but to think what would happen and how I could go about it. I have a therapist I see monthly, but I find it really hard to tell her how bad it's effecting me because it's hard to talk about and Idk what kind of power she has but I don't want her to send me to the ward. Idk if that's even a thing anymore but I'm scared of it. I constantly feel like I have to clean everything and I just dont have the energy to do it. All I want to do is lay in bed. But these "dirty" things full my mind untill they're "clean" again. Not to mention the things I literally can't clean because of their material 🥲 I apologize for the awful organization, these are just my thoughts right now.

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