I need help

Once again I am having trouble with the same memory that I have shared here before. When I was a kid I had a dog and I don't know why but sometimes he would sniff like private parts, and one time I let him and kind of encouraged him to do that (jesus that's so weird) and even said something about knowing he liked to do that, like I know I was probably reproducing something I heard and I know kids don't have a sense of right and wrong, it's all about discovery and they need an adult to guide and teach them what's right. I know these things and I have heard similar stories, but I can't feel free of guilt. There was another time when I was playing with a cat and I climbed up on a spot and threw it off, it wasn't a high place but what if something had happened to the cat? I don't know, what if it had gotten hurt? Again, I know that children are unaware of things but I can't stop thinking about these memories, I feel the need to sort of confess to someone, as if to judge me and define if I am worthy to have a happy life despite these events. I don't know what to do, it's suffocating.

Harm OCD

Jeffrey

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I am sorry you are having to relive this memory. Ocd sticks to whatever will bother us. What is important to remember is that what has been in the past needs to stay there as we only have today. So, when ocd rears it’s ugly head yoh could try something like, I am going ti live by my values today - what has happened I cannot change but my values today are different that when I was a child. Also, lots of children, myself included, have done things that horrify us in the present. It’s a part of learning and our humanity. Try to be gentle with yourself and with your child - you needn’t suffer needlessly.

bm111111

Date posted: 2y

@Jeffrey I feel so desperate, sometimes I think I won't be able to resist this need to confess... but thank you so much for this, I will keep trying!

Jeffrey

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@mar3 And that is all any of us can do. I promise you this - the more you practice the easier it does get. So even when you compulse, do not beat yourself up because the truth is we all compulse at times - it is part of being human. So when it happens begin again. And we are all here for you so you know you have all this support. You will get there.

bm111111

Date posted: 2y

@Jeffrey Thank you very much for the words, it helps me a lot!

Joey Gerbino

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this. To me, it sounds like what you’re seeking is reassurance because you feel obligated to confess these things that happened in your childhood. Unfortunately, reassurance is exactly what isn’t needed when it comes to OCD because seeking it can and normally will turn into a compulsion. Compulsions are also non-helpful for someone with OCD because they wind up putting you in a vicious cycle of only feeling temporarily relief from whatever it is that’s distressing you. Ultimately, that becomes a problem because it’s actually setting off a false alarm in your brain that your thoughts and/or feelings, etc. are dangerous and that’ll cause anxiety, etc. The OCD cycle is a slippery slope that’s sticky and ultimately wants you to become stuck in your thoughts, feelings, urges, etc. Also, it fixates on the past; of which, these memories stem from your childhood and that’s no longer you in the present. All in all, what I would suggest is sitting with the discomfort of these memories and allowing them to pass over time; not dwelling upon them, not seeking reassurance, etc. Finally, based upon what I gathered; those actions and the thoughts that now haunt you cause you distress; not satisfaction, joy, etc. Focus on living life both mentally and physically based upon your current morals and values. Sending love, compassion and support while you’re suffering from the beast and battling the monster that is OCD 💌

bm111111

Date posted: 2y

@Joey Gerbino I am afraid of how long I will have to sit with the discomfort, it suffocates me so much that I end up falling into compulsions, but I will keep trying to resist it, thank you so much!

garebear423

Date posted: 23w

Tw: beastility, sexual assault

I'm worried that I sexual assulted or r*ped my dog when I was 17 and I'm 18 now. This memory, has came up multiple and changes rapidly, it says that I was also saying very disturbing things to the dog, calling her good and weird disgusting things like that. I don't know if I can live with myself if this is true.

Mitu_001

Date posted: 17w

Tw: trauma

Can someone talk with me? I know I posted a lot about this and I want to stop.I know only a therapist will tell me what to do..But please..can someone give me some advice? I am scared I did something horrible.I didnt help a kid 3 years ago.I feel like I left them in danger.I am so sorry.The worst is I didnt helped in all these years.I want to tell the kid I am sorry but I dont want to make them remember.I got terrible thoughts and I still have them and I feel like I betrayed them and still betray them.Bcs I didnt help and bcs of the thoughts.I dont know but I think about what happened.and how terrible it was..especially because they told me and I didnt help.I dont know why I think that but I feel like a monster.I met with them today and with their parents (which I feel like I betrayed them too) and I talked with them.but i was very anxious and I am scared their parents judge me .I want to help now..but idk how.Is it too late? I am scared I want to help just because I feel guilty.I want to live in the present and do something now but my mind makes me think of the past..Any advice? Thank you

anonymousgg

Date posted: 15w

Do I deserve to be forgiven? TW animal a***

When I was a child 7-10, I had this wonderful dog. I loved him so much. However sometimes, I would hit him out of either anger or because I liked the way he would lick my hand to say 'sorry'. At age 13, my OCD sparked up badly. I had no idea what it was, but I would bully him. Badly. He was never hurt, but he was agitated. Then I found some kittens and saved them just after turning 14. I let them stay in my room with me for a few weeks to help them. One very early morning, however, they raged me so bad that I began hitting them nonstop. They didn't cry, nor do run away. Hell, all of my pets were never ever scared of me. They loved me for some reason. For so long I've been doing my best to help animals and adore my pets, and I've sworn to never EVER hurt an animal again. I love them so much. I remember though I would never hit them so hard to make them cry out, because I've been inflicting the way I hit them onto my arms and thighs to see how bad it hurt, and gladly, it didn't really hurt. Stung a bit, at most, but doesn't make what I did anymore okay. Do I deserve my babies anymore? Do I deserve to even live? I feel so ashamed and I don't want to use my OCD as an excuse, nor say that maybe I was traumatised because of it because people have been through worse than me, so I don't want to compare. Any small comment will do, thank you for reading

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