Annoyance with ROCD

I’ve been experiencing extreme annoyance and black and white thinking with my partner bc of ROCD and intrusive thoughts. Part of the issue is I always expect to be annoyed bc it’s a habit now, almost like it’s a compulsion to be annoyed with him. He could just be talking and ill get annoyed. It’s just all very frustrating and upsetting and I do love my partner but I feel so consumed that it’s hard to ever feel loving or caring. But that’s exactly what the ocd wants…. All I see is negative and fear. Or, if I do feel okay I feel guilty for being okay and assume it means I don’t care.

Relationship OCD

Beeleebop

Date posted: 2y

You’re definitely not alone in this. I have this too. Like any time my husband does something that annoys me, my OCD latches onto it and makes it 100x worse and more significant than it actually is. And I start to think “are we right for each other ????” But like I know deep down that it’s normal and human to become annoyed with people and that it happens to everyone. And then when me and my husband are having a great time and getting along so well, my OCD makes me feel GUILTY for thinking the thoughts I previously thought.

Clarinetband8!

Date posted: 2y

@Bailey101 It’s so hard bc he could just be talking or just existing and I feel so annoyed and irritable and it makes me feel guilty and awful bc I can’t control it. When I feel good or okay I doubt feeling that way bc it makes me feel like they aren’t intrusive. It’s a never ending battle and I feel trapped.

Beeleebop

Date posted: 2y

@Clarinetband8! I totally get it. I feel either annoyed or guilty most of the time. I start to crave back when me and him first started dating and there was that “butterfly” feeling. I totally understand about feeling good and then worrying that your previous thoughts weren’t OCD. I do the same thing. I start to wonder if they really were intrusive or if I’m just annoyed with him and we’re not actually compatible. (Even typing that gave me anxiety.) It’s a terrible feeling.

Clarinetband8!

Date posted: 2y

@Bailey101 Exactly, because is we are actually annoyed then what does that mean when in reality it’s normal to be annoyed

Beeleebop

Date posted: 2y

@Clarinetband8! Yes!! And it makes it worse that I also have been obsessing over his physical “flaws.” I feel like a horrible person but I can’t make it stop. Once my OCD latched onto his looks, it was like game-over. And I know it’s my OCD because we’ve been together for like 6 years and I didn’t care about those things for the first 5 years of our relationship. I just want things to go back to normal.

Clarinetband8!

Date posted: 2y

@Bailey101 I completely relate. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years and just over the summer I started experiencing bad harm intrusive thoughts and during that time I was super busy with work and what’s when I noticed some patterns of anxiety and initially I brushed it off but it came back and hasn’t left.

ROCDmensch

Date posted: 2y

@Bailey101 I have this as well. I am currently in an LDR and every video call I obesses about whether I am annoyed or not and certain things about his looks that I see as flaws. At the same time I feel bad for thinking this way. But recently I tried seeing it as an exposure and telling myself that I am going to accept all the feelings and not trying to change them

Clarinetband8!

Date posted: 2y

@ROCDmensch How do you remind yourself to do the exposure. It’s so hard and it feels hard to accept

ROCDmensch

Date posted: 2y

@Clarinetband8! I am currently reading a book (half way through) which I can very much recommend. It's called freedom from obsessive compulsive disorder by Jonathan Grayson. It's a Personalized Recovery Program. I also watched a lot of videos of the YouTube channel OCD Recovery. I also find it hard to do the exposures. I think you need to start small. Take one doable thing that causes you anxiety on a level 4-6 maybe. Especially with mental compulsions it can be hard. But as soon as I notice for example that I start analyzing, I have a mantra "I'll accept every feeling and thought. I don't need to figure it out. I don't need to solve it. I just accept it."

mrgg11

Date posted: 2y

i got this problem too

mrgg11

Date posted: 2y

like i rather stay with friends than with gf

Mariabae

Date posted: 23w

rocd

I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.

Mk3

Date posted: 21w

ROCD

Sometimes I think I truly think negative thoughts about my bf but I feel it could be because of how obsessive I am over the thought. Does that make any sense ??? Like I genuinely think it often but only because of how obsessed I am over it

ellij

Date posted: 15w

ROCD flare up

Lately my ROCD has been flaring up, making it difficult to even be around my partner. I’m having so many troubling thoughts with the one that bugs me most being, “maybe this isn’t my OCD, maybe I’m just in a bad relationship and I’m trying to cover it up and blame it on OCD”. This thought really scares me because there are valid doubts in my relationship but my boyfriend and I have openly talked about them and are trying to work through. My OCD won’t take that as an option tho. It makes me feel like I need to be 100% certain that these things can NEVER happen again or else we need to break up immediately. So anything he says in that moment about trying to do better, my OCD will not trust anything he says and just wait until the next “bad thing” happens. When I continuously bring these things up to my boyfriend even tho nothing has happened between these conversations, it exhausts him making it feel like he can never do enough. I feel so bad because I know it’s just my OCD getting in the way. But then that thought creeps in saying I can’t trust him because I need to protect myself. It’s just an ongoing cycle that is so tiring. I don’t even know what I want anymore. We are very opposite when it comes to emotions. I am very in tune and very emotionally intelligent, and he is not. He is the opposite. I do recognize that my anxious attachment style may be hard for him too but I can’t stop thinking about all of his flaws and all of the things he needs to do to make our relationship better. It makes me feel like I’m the only one putting in effort when in reality that is not true. But my OCD does make me feel like he doesn’t really love me or want to be with me and that he feels forced to be with me or do things for me. It makes me feel like him being with me is like a chore. Can anyone relate? My OCD just makes me feel like I can’t trust anything he says to make our relationship better.

Relationship OCD

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Annoyance with ROCD

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