- Date posted
- 2y
18+
Please help. Does anyone here feel bad after watching pornography/masturbation? I'm always convinced I've done something unforgivable after such a session. I don't mean that I feel bad from the watching or masturbation itself, but moreso from the details - I'm always convinced I enjoyed the wrong sort of video, or thought the wrong sort of thought, or masturbated to something immoral, etc. I don't know how much of this is my OCD, but I always feel so terrified and guilty that I think about suicide. Right now professional treatment isn't an option, so what do I do? I know that my experience fits the description of OCD (there's confession, reassurance seeking, mental review, rumination, etc) but also resembles addiction (because I have a very hard time stopping porn and masturbation); and I've read that addiction can lead a person to do bad things. I'm worried that if I treat this problem as OCD when it's not, I'll do bad things; if I treat this problem as an addiction (and/or as me being evil) when that's not the true problem, my OCD/condition will only get worse; and if I treat this problem as both OCD and an addiction or me being evil, I'll end up doing contradictory treatment and won't get better at all. What's your advice? As I said, professional treatment isn't an option right now.