Ocd and depression suck

I lay in bed here thinking that I shouldn’t be going through this. I have everything I have ever wanted, a great job, a great career, resources, a super supportive family, an amazing partner, beautiful pets, and yet… here I lay feeling empty. Feeling like I shouldn’t be feeling like this. I don’t think there is anything super severe that has happened to me that should be making me feel this way and yet, here I lay, unable to go to sleep, hoping the side effects of the meds would go away pondering why. Why do I feel like this? Why does it keep coming back? What did I do in life to deserve such troublesome thoughts and feelings. I don’t understand. I read people’s post to remind myself I’m not the only one going through this and it saddens me to see a whole community struggling with their mind. I really just want myself and everyone to be happy. To be fulfilled. To beat this monster.

Username: Joey GerbinoJoey Gerbino

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this. Unfortunately, there is no rhyme nor reason as to why anyone struggles with any form of OCD. Whether you come from a picture-esk upbringing or the complete opposite of that. OCD knows no boundaries when it comes to selecting its victims. Even worse, OCD triggers anxiety, depression, etc. It’s undoubtedly a trickle-down affect. Trust me, I know because I’ve been there and also still struggle too date myself. My advice, try your best to focus on both your morals and your values and live your life based upon them. Regardless, of what intrusive thoughts, etc. may present themselves. Easier said than done, yes. But I am living proof that if you fight for your life; it is possible! You’re not alone! Sending love, compassion and support while you’re suffering from the beast and battling the monster that is OCD 💌

Username: A1oakA1oak

Date posted: 2y ago

@Joey Gerbino Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I think deep down I know it will get better but it just doesn’t feel like I’ll ever get out of this hole. But I have also been here before. I just wish it will just go away. But it’s refreshing to see people like you that truly give me hope. Thank you 🙏

Username: Ktt25Ktt25

Date posted: 2y ago

Good morning. So I definitely can relate to your post. I have had suicidal OCD for about 10 years now on and off. Sometimes I feel great and other times, well as you know, it can be a very scary place and you feel trapped in your own mind. I started ERP a few weeks ago. I have to say that it seems like it’s starting to help. I’m going slow and really trying to make sure I do my homework. To be honest though, the biggest thing for me right now is knowing that the intense feeling of fear and loosing control does not last forever. It’s like riding a wave. Acceptance is very powerful. It took a long time, but instead of being so frustrated or scared of my OCD image, I try to just welcome it and say to myself all this is right now is a feeling. It’s about perspective and understanding that “the monster” absolutely sucks but if just feel it, and truly understand what it is, that can really help sometimes. You are going to have bad days, but you will also have good ones. Enjoy those good ones and look at it as a big win. Today is a new day. Take a breath and when things suck, just remember all it is at that moment is a feeling and that you are ok

Username: A1oakA1oak

Date posted: 2y ago

@Ktt25 I can so relate with your ocd theme. I’ve had suicidal ocd for a long time now and next week I’ll finally face this demon. I’m beyond scared and don’t know what to expect but I also know I have to do something about it. I’ve dealt with this theme since I was 18. I’m 32 now. It’s definitely time to get over this fear, understand and learn. I hope things get better for you as I hope things will get better with me. Thank you so much for your words!!

Username: Tee10Tee10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

It’s all about the emotion we attach to it which I know can be so challenging. As Ktt25 said, just ride the wave. Some days will be better than others. Just remember that not everyday will be the same and stay strong even when it feels impossible.

Username: A1oakA1oak

Date posted: 2y ago

@Taylor10 I can’t wait for the better days to come. I should be grateful because the last time I was in this position was a year and half ago so I suppose it’s possible to be better for a long time. It’s just that when it returns, all the progress seems to disappear and I feel like I’m back at square one. Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post !

Username: Tee10Tee10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

@A1oak You’re welcome. That’s exactly how I feel - when it returns, it sure comes with a vengeance. I’ve had a bad day and I’m sure it was because I drank caffeine. It’s crazy how different things can trigger it…or is that our OCD making us think it’s something else…? Lol. SO annoying.

Username: mummers

Date posted: 5y ago

*venting* I’m so tired of life. I just woke up, and I feel like going back to bed and sleep until this nightmare passes. This week has been one of the hardest of my life. I don’t think I can face another day of intrusive thoughts, fear, anxiety. I need some moments of relief, but there are none. I wanna have a life again. Anxiety and obsessive thoughts have killed my social life, my ambitions and desires, my happiness. I’ve been fighting for the past 6 months for nothing. I don’t see any improvement. I’m on day 3 of Lexapro and of course i can’t tell if it’s gonna work for me or not. I’m on the first stages of ERP therapy and I still haven’t got any assigned homework to work on, which I really need because I need to feel like I’m doing SOMETHING to help myself with ocd and Gad. I just hope someone could just take out whatever part of my brain isn’t working properly and replace it with a new piece. I don’t wanna feel like a burden to my family or boyfriend anymore. I can’t believe all the damage that I’m causing. I don’t know what to do with all this self hate. I don’t know where to turn to. I seem to have all the help that one could need - therapy, medication, support system. Yet I feel like I can’t spend another day living like this.

Username: person1

Date posted: 5y ago

So... nothing is really wrong in my life. I have a job, my own place, friends and family who love me. I have resources to support me. And in spite of all of this that I have been blessed with, I am unhappy, depressed, and have much fear. And sometimes, the smoke clears and I’m sitting here feeling horribly selfish. Has anyone felt this or maybe know why it’s this way? Part of me (probably the OCD) likes to be miserable. I cut for no reason sometimes... I just don’t know.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: faye

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m feeling horrible.

I find myself questioning things I’d never question about my life. I’m thinking I’ve actually been driven to contemplate these dark things because my ocd has pushed me over the edge. So it’s kinda that my intrusive thoughts have come true. It’s not fair! I feel super hopeless, then I get scared that I felt that way then the ocd kicks in and I start contemplating things like “it’s all hopeless I feel I am going to carry out (insert violent thought here).”. I don’t get it guys… I don’t have the money for therapy right now so crisis chats and this is my best option. I’ll definitely say ocd and my poor sleep bug habit are what has pushed me to these depths. What I don’t get though is I’m not inherently violent, I thought I was always a hopeful person on the inside, I don’t have depression. That and I love my family, I don’t want harm to come to them but the moment I get the hopelessness it makes me question wether or not it’s worth it. I’m living my worst nightmare. By the way I’m not dangerous, I don’t have any deficits in empathy what’s wrong with me. I’m in denial, I can’t believe I’m capable of genuinely thinking these things. Oh and then I have this suicidal spiral. I’ve had suicidal ocd but now I think it’s also partially true since I’ve been in such a dark spot. I know they say that if you’re not comforted by the idea of sleeping forever it prolly means it’s just ocd and well let me say it’s not comforting. Back to back I’m like “do I want to kill myself? Am I feeling that? Will I do it?” And I feel so hopeless that the thought comes in but no I DONT WANT IT. So it’s like half ocd and half my mental distress. But lord no I don’t want it and I don’t want to live in a reality where I contemplate it. Someone just help me… Why are my emotions so intense I question these things? Ocd is involved I know but I’m telling you this hopelessness had made me contemplate things that ocd wouldn’t typically do. I don’t have personality disorders or any other mental illness. HELP ME!

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Ocd and depression suck

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