I wanna break up… I am worried ROCD might be keeping me in a relationship that I am unhappy in… but I don’t want it to be me… I want to love him. I want to stay. I don’t wanna give up on our relationship. I want to love him like before bc we want to work on ourselves and the relationship. But how can we when I constantly thinking this way?… Were my happy moments a lie… were they just false clarity…. 💔😞
Hey you. I have been reading your posts the last few days and I think you are in a real spiral at the moment. I understand that this must be really, really hard! I think what you really need to do now is 1. search for ways to find relaxation. Try to mentally push a reset button and say "let's start over"..for me it helps to write everything I think down and then write a text full of compassion for myself, talk to yourself like a child or a friend that needs some love and kind words. You won't get better if you constantly fight against yourself. It happens! Forgive yourself. Everything is going to be fine. A few weeks ago I've been in the same situation as you. I found someone besides my partner attractive, I thought I was betraying myself and my bf. Had string break up urges But you got to acknowledge that this is your OCD! And what does OCD want? Certainty. So you start asking yourself alk those questions over and over again. So 2. Stop your rituals now! You are searching a lot for reassurance on this app and in your mind. I don't say that in a judging way, we all have those urges to get the reassurance from others. But it really only takes away the energy from your actual goal: getting better. Instead what you could do is calm yourself with breathing exercises and repeat to yourself that you can never gain certainty and it is okay however you feel right now. I am currently reading "freedom from obsessive-compulsive disorder" by Jonathan Grayson and I learned so much about the mechanisms of OCD. Also OCD Recovery on YouTube is a great Ressource for R-OCD help. You are not alone. You don't have to give in the urges, you don't have to break up, you are able to get through this. Just one step at a time.
@ROCDmensch How can I believe this is ROCD anymore with the way I am feeling now… I know I don’t want to be with that other person. But I am stuck believing I’m only with my partner of 12 years just because I don’t wanna break his heart but then I say if I confess then maybe our relationship can go back to normal. I know I love him but my brain is numb…
@7710 ❤️ What do u feel you have to confess ? Sometimes when others cheat , it makes them feel like others cheated if that makes sense
@Anonymous I never cheated.. obsessing thinking I have a crush for someone else is destroying me… he knows about my thoughts. I just feel if I confess that I wanna break up like before things would go back to normal again… 😭😢
@7710 ❤️ Yes, but confessions don't help you in the long run. I think you should try to accept the possibility of having a crush but that doesn't have to change anything about your relationship. I know it's scary but remind yourself that thoughts are not actions. And that it's normal. And maybe (even if you currently feel this way) don't say "it destroys me" "I can't live with it" because this kind of thinking fuels your OCD and anxiety. Yes, you can get through stuff. And even if the worst case scenario would happen you can get through it. Trust yourself
@ROCDmensch I don’t wanna crush on someone else… 😢💔
@ROCDmensch I am scared… I just want my relationship back… 💔😢
@7710 ❤️ I know it's hard, and no one wants to have a crush when they love their partner or are afraid to lose them. But in reality we can't controll who like or find attractive. It's the obession about it that gives it meaning. If you regard your thoughts as your OCD and distance yourself from them, then your mind stops being bothered with all those questions. It takes practice. Are you seeing a therapist atm?
@ROCDmensch My insurance is gonna start covering for insurance next month. Both my partner and I wanna get therapy for ourselves and work on strengthening the relationship.
@ROCDmensch So that’s when I was gonna start therapy in hoping I can see or talk to someone on here.
@7710 ❤️ That sounds very good. I think that will be the first step and something to look forward to!
@ROCDmensch Thinking I have a crush is causing me stress bc I don’t want that… 😢💔 I just want my happy moments with my partner back… I don’t wanna replace my partner.. 💔😢
@ROCDmensch It’s just it doesn’t seem like I have symptoms anymore… I’m really numb and feel very very sick. I don’t want to have a crush on someone who isn’t my partner… I can’t even have sex with my partner bc of this… my happy moments I loved him so very much no feelings involved. I was the happiest when I just stopped thinking. I could be loving and say I love and just relax without a care in the world. Even then my ocd tried to convince me I had a crush on every guy I saw. My partner is a kinda person. He has his flaws but has been very understanding about my ROCD. We had some arguments bc the stress and worrying got to him and I. My partner misses me badly being able to be normal and happy. I keep saying I don’t love him and honestly it feels like my truth. When I say it… I get no reaction. I still say I love him bc I do love him alot. I even bought him a pair of pjs that has Harry Potter on it just bc he loves Harry Potter. Even his favorite candy.. 💔 yet I think I don’t love him… 💔💔😢😢 I feel like my relationship is done… I have a good relationship with some issues that sure need to be fix biggest is both of our mental health. I am sick of thinking about this fucking guy my brain is causing me to obsess about!! I hate it. I am so scared to even touch my partner… I constantly believe I am just in denial and avoiding my truth… I constantly look up can a relationship be saved bc I am so scared…
@ROCDmensch I just… I just want my relationship back… 💔😢 I miss how I was with him… 😢💔
I think I’ve officially lost it today. I have completely convinced myself that I’m not actually in love with my partner. That I’m only with him for comfort. I struggle with trying to “feel” love. In past relationships where I’m sure I didn’t actually love them I idolized a version of them, it was an intense all consuming passion. With my boyfriend now it’s not like that and I think my obsession is also keeping it away. I met him on a blind date. It wasn’t until our 3rd date and first kiss did I feel something and even during the dating I was obsessing if he was going to be good to me or not. At not one point during our relationship was I ever at peace or simply enjoying it. I feel something guilty about this. He has flaws and I amplified them as proof we are not right for each other. I hyper fixate on feeling of past relationships and if I feel for him those feelings. He is a wonderful person who doesn’t deserve this, I’m scared of working on myself too because what if I get better and then “yep I still feel the same” then I’d have to leave him and that also sucks. My hurt on leaving him is the only thing keeping me tethered honestly because the thought of him being out there in the world and I not being able to talk with him kills me. I don’t know what love is anymore or what I’m supposed to feel. I’m so ashamed of myself, I’m crying in the bathroom stall at work feeling like I need to break up with him because it’s the right thing to do.
Right now I feel like I’ve realized something awful. Like maybe… I never truly loved my boyfriend. Maybe in the beginning I was just excited to be in a relationship. Maybe I confused that excitement with real love. And when the intrusive thoughts started, maybe it wasn’t ROCD — maybe it was the truth hitting me. I write this and it feels real. That’s the scariest part. It feels calm and clear and like maybe I’ve just been lying to myself all along, holding on because I “should,” not because I truly want to. I can’t remember how it felt to love him — and that makes it worse. I feel so disconnected, so numb, like nothing makes sense anymore. Every time I try to feel something for him, it feels like I’m faking it. Like I’m playing a role, not being myself. But the thing is… I’m not at peace. If this was really the truth, why does it hurt so much? Why does this “realization” come with panic, guilt, emptiness, and so much fear? I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this — doubting myself, my feelings, and my past. I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle I can’t break, and I’m scared I’ll always feel this way. Has anyone ever felt like this before?
I believe I have ROCD — at least, that’s what many people here have told me based on what I’ve shared — and I really need help, because I feel like I’m falling apart. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I don’t know what’s real. My thoughts come as loud, cold statements — not questions. They say things like: “Nothing is the same.” “You don’t love him.” “You’re just staying because you’re used to him.” And even though I know I’m supposed to let the thoughts pass and not engage with them — I can’t. I get stuck in them. I try to find answers, I ruminate, I check, I cry, I panic. Everyone says “love isn’t just a feeling” — and I know that. But… I still want to feel something. I want to feel warmth, or connection, or even just peace. It’s been so long since I felt anything like that. Now everything just feels empty or terrifying or cold. My brain only gives me negative interpretations. No memory brings me comfort anymore. Nothing feels like it used to. And the worst part is — it all feels true. Sometimes I think: “What if I’m just denying the truth?” “What if I’ve finally realized that I don’t love him, and I just don’t want to admit it?” This feels like the worst version of myself. I’m so confused and scared and tired. Even therapy didn’t help — my therapist said things that made it worse, and now I don’t know who or what to believe anymore. I just want help. I want to know how to face ROCD — if that’s what this really is. I want to believe I can feel love again. I don’t want to lose myself in this forever. Has anyone else felt like this? How did you start to get better? i cant even remember past good memories with him, my head tells me that i didnt love him and i was just “excited “ to have someone. We have 2 years together and i have been dealing with this for a year and a half.
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