Conflicted feelings: crush on friend despite loving boyfriend, what to do?

What should I do ?

Last night I was at a party and my friend that I like was here and I idk but I think I really do have a crush on him but I mean it’s not a problem it’s not my fault I can’t help that stuff but basically we stayed up late and we both ended up falling asleep and I slept on his shoulder…. Idk what to do I love my boyfriend sooo much but I feel like I’m « falling for someone else » but I don’t wanna leave my boyfriend like 4 days ago I felt really really in love with me I was picturing myself with his baby but when I see my friend I feel attracted I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend is everything for me i don’t wanna risk it all for someone else idk what to do when I see my friend I wanna kiss him but I don’t do it obviously because I’m in a relationship that makes me happy and again I love my boyfriend. I think my ocd probably makes it a bigger deal then it is but maybe it’s not ocd this time idk

Relationship OCD

Username: ROCDmenschROCDmensch

Date posted: 1y ago

It's your OCD (all the doubting and checking). Don't give it room, just acknowledge that it's there and tell yourself "it's not me, it's my OCD. I don't have to act on it or do anything."

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

My therapist tells me not to do avoidance because it can make things worse. I struggled with this when I was dating my now husband but at the time I wasn’t in therapy so I struggled a lot but when I found out I have OCD it made it a little better. It’s normal to find others attractive and having ocd it is hard to let go of any thoughts that trigger anxiety. This is a hard one but what I would do (well this is what I did) - I told my now husband but we were dating at the time about finding someone else attractive. Maybe not the best idea but I felt like we had an open communication relationship. He of course didn’t like that but was understanding. But I never acted on anything with that other person and I also didn’t hang out with them but again I was doing avoidance which probably wasnt the best idea. I would look deep down at what I want and then stick with that decision. Also you will run into others even when your married who are “more attractive” or have great personalities- you just got to choose the person you want to be with and stick with it.

Username: melissaaamelissaaa

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous Thanks a lot ! A lot of person told me to avoid the person in question but I would make things worse so idk if it’s the best idea but deep down I wanna stay with my bf I mean obviously if it’s ocd and it probably is I don’t feel in love with him right now but I know the song so I’m not focusing on that but I know I have a good relationship and that I love him and that I don’t want to screw everything for a guy I didn’t know 3 months ago. I wanna stay with my boyfriend and besides 4 days ago I felt really really in love with him so I think my friend is an ocd trigger

Username: ROCDmenschROCDmensch

Date posted: 1y ago

@melissaaa I don't think you have to avoid the person. I think we can controll our actions.

Username: melissaaamelissaaa

Date posted: 1y ago

@ROCDmensch Yes and I’m afraid it’s gonna make things worse if I do that

Username: norx norx

Date posted: 1y ago

It’s normal to find others attractive. The OCD is definitely making those feelings seem more present. However, if you want to be in a relationship with your current boyfriend, you do need to stop talking to the friend until the feelings subside. I was in a similar situation where I just found one of my friends attractive and I had thoughts so I just stopped hanging out with them. It sucks but to maintain a relationship we have to stop talking to some people

Username: melissaaamelissaaa

Date posted: 1y ago

@norx The thing is that I really like him and we r in a group of friends so idk how am I supposed to do that

Username: tasha123

Date posted: 5y ago

Anyone else fear falling out of love with your partner and falling in love with someone else you know of? My ocd convinces me this other guy I go to university with is ‘the one’ and creates false memories! It’s the worst feeling ever i feel so much guilt and don’t feel happy and loving when I’m around my boyfriend anymore :( I don’t want to be with anyone else but my boyfriend I just wish I was happy with him and never had these thoughts in the first place.

Relationship OCD

Username: Mayte

Date posted: 1y ago

Thoughts.

Yes I find one of my boyfriends friend attractive. Do I think of him a lot? No. Do i wanna be with him? No. But when he gets mentioned I get scared. I get scared I’ll end up having a crush on him. I try to not look at his account out of fear I’ll end up liking him. Someone mentioned he went to a girls house and I think I felt kinda jealous and I was like why would I? And I’m scared now. I don’t wanna have a crush on this boy. I’m scared I will. It feels wrong I don’t want to I just wanna be with my boyfriend. My minds trying to tell me that I do like his friend and I don’t wanna and it feels like I do but I don’t want to :/

Username: Mayte

Date posted: 1y ago

Scared

I’ve been in a relationship for two years. I feel super guilty. Today I sat with my friend and the guy she’s talking to in lunch. The guy was looking at me like into my eyes and I feel like it made me nervous and I was like what the hell why did it make me nervous does it mean I like the guy? I don’t want to. I only want to love my boyfriend. So yeah I feel guilty because why did I feel guilty :/ I wanna tell my bf but it’s obviously gonna hurt him i don’t wanna have a crush on my friends crush the guy she’s talking to. Plus they’re really cute together. I feel like I’m seeking reassurance I really just wanna hear that it doesn’t mean anything and that it means I don’t like him that it just happens.

Relationship OCD

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Conflicted feelings: crush on friend despite loving boyfriend, what to do?

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