I think I’ve been having a sort of relapse. I’m waking very early in the morning with a feeling of anxiety. I don’t want to feel depressed again and I don’t think I want to think these things. I just have a sense of doubt. I’m sorry I really am.
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@emf1 I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m trying my best but I worry I’m slipping back into my depressive state, which was absolutely terrible.
Are you having obsessions and doing compulsions?
@queenofdymonds I feel like my obsessions have been stuck these last few days. I guess I might be ruminating, almost trying to comprehend it all or get to the bottom of it. Thank you for answering btw it means a lot.
relapsing doesn’t mean failing, relapsing is part of the healing even though it’s hard. you can do it
@jâd20 Thank you. I don’t know what to do and I’m struggling rn and crying. I’m scared but I’m trying not to be.
@ariel09 i know how terrible it feels :( i was doing better but found myself crying in front of my partner yesterday, it was so bad. today i feel better (probably thanks to them) and i feel indestructible. of course it’s not true and i will probably relapse, but it motivates me so much to go on >:) repasse aren’t endless, you are at some point approaching recovery. that was to say, if you feel able to do it, find and do something that will help you relax, and remember that thoughts are just thoughts. anything that brings you fear and makes you feel anxious you have to push through it, and say to OCD « im stronger than you », because you are ! i believe in you!!!
@jâd20 relapses* not repasses
@jâd20 Thank you so much for the kind words. It really helps to know I’m not alone. I’ll try my best to not let my thoughts get the best of me.
My OCD is worse in the morning, I wake up with anxiety where I find it hard to get back to sleep. Luckily I know it won't bee forever I have gotten over this before I can do it again. So can you x
I got really down and depressed after an abusive relationship and my OCD latched onto that. I started to obsess about WHY I feel the way I do, why people are the way they are, why things and the world is the way it is, etc. I hate that anxious feeling you get when you start to feel off…it’s almost like acknowledging it makes it worse but it feels like that’s the only think that makes sense… to figure it out.
@Taylor10 thing*
@Taylor10 I’m sorry that happened to you. And I think you described it in such a good way. I feel like I have to acknowledging any anxious feeling makes it worse but then I also feel like I have to. If I don’t, then it’s like I want my obsessions to be true and I can’t let that be the case.
I’m currently experiencing the exact same thing, may we get through this together 😭❤️ I’m trying my best to apply new knowledge to prevent it :”)
@bumblebee_bumbling That’s great to hear. I’m glad that you are doing you’re best to use what you’ve learned, which is something I struggle with. I hope we can all get through this together as well
I posted yesterday that I was feeling better than usual, now I’m not. I knew it could happen that I start to feel bad again. I’ve been feeling like this is the worst it’s been so far but that can’t be true because nothing has changed I’m always afraid of doing something bad, have done something bad, or are capable of doing something bad. I posted a TW on this post just in case. My main thing is I’m afraid of being a certain kind of bad person. I won’t mention it I know people will understand probably who I mean. I know it’s an OCD type, and I’ve been looking up different instances of people with this same subtype and sometimes I find someone in my same situation and I feel relief, for a moment at least. But then I think I might be different. I’m seeing my therapist Friday, and I’m always nervous talking to them because I want to not sound like I’m crazy. Sometimes I’m like you must’ve done something bad to feel this way or, you’re a bad person and should feel bad. There’s so much I wish I could do to help with this. I fall back into a spiral anytime I feel better because I feel like why would I feel good now if I wasn’t before. Sorry for the rant everyone. I just feel bad now and I’m worried I’ll never feel normal again. Hopefully someone else has felt or feels the same. I want to not feel like this, I wish I could go back to when I was young and undiagnosed to get the correct diagnosis early. I feel like my meds aren’t helping anymore which is concerning because like my anxiety should be gone right? Idk, and idk why I have felt really good recently but now after spiraling I’m back at it. Sometimes I’m worried it’s not ocd even though I have plenty of signs AND was officially diagnosed. Again sorry for the long post, just needed to air out how I felt
I'm going through a rough time. I used to think medication would brighten my world, but if anything, it's muted it. The physical anxiety is less, and I felt okay(ish) for a while, but things are getting bad again. I'm so afraid I'll never get to a point where I feel safe in my body and in my mind. Today is the first day I've cried in... I don't know how long. But I didn't feel the relief I thought I would. Initially, I did, but it morphed into dread, and now I'm sitting by myself, trying not to panic. I really want to begin seeing a therapist for OCD, but I don't know how much my insurance covers. There's just so much on my mind right now. A whole bunch of old themes are resurfacing. I wish I could've been given a different path in life. I'm trying to stay strong. It's just really difficult. I feel like I'm being sent back to square one :(
Suddenly I started ruminating again but I no longer get bad anxiety over the thoughts but it feels like the ‘urges’ are still there and it’s making it seem more real that these are true. Why am I having urges without the anxiety or it’s weird like i don’t even know when im anxious maybe i got use to the feeling of being anxious but it feels too real and I get these weird thought that are like ‘imagine you was evil anyways’ or ‘imagine you want to be but your in denial’ or the worst makes it feel like you would like acting on the thoughts even if you choose not to do it and it feels really real. The thoughts are about stabbing and it felt so real and I started imaging it on purpose to ‘test’ myself but it doesn’t ever feel like I hate it enough or don’t want it like I feel numb to everything and it feels really real like I want it or do want to do it but I’m just choosing not to and it’s scary but I use to get so much anxiety over this and now nothing now it feels like I don’t even feel like I ‘hate’ it or I should know that I don’t want to do that? Instead of sitting there experimenting with the thoughts to see. I want it to feel like I don’t want it and don’t like it I constantly feel like I’m lying about not wanting this, but it’s concerning me a lot because it feels so real that I like it or want it and there was one point where it felt like it was about to happen and that I wanted it and now that’s made me think there is something wrong with me or that I want to give in to it 🙁 please I don’t belive anything I don’t even belive I am sad it feels so real that it was about to happen or I wanted it and I don’t know what to do I was fine before and suddenly I started ruminating and now this
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