ROCD & real event

Hi guys, this is gonna be a long one but I’ll try and keep it short. I’ve had OCD for a very long time and I was only diagnosed this year when it really interfered with my quality of life. I’m on medication and have been for a few months, and it was totally life changing. I suffer with a few themes that resurface every now and again. One of those themes is to do with real event/my relationship. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years, we’re very happy and I’ve never had issues with him. We first met at work, where we both worked together. Then we got into a relationship and then my boyfriend got a new job. We had a few good friends from work that we were both friends with. One of those was a boy who I carried on being really close with after my boyfriend left (and we’re still all friends now). This boy and I became pretty good friends, we were both going through tricky home situations at the time so we spoke a lot to each other about our mental health. At the time I thought nothing about our friendship being inappropriate. We would go on nights out together (all of the work team) and this boy could be quite flirty when he’d had a drink but he was just a very outgoing/over-friendly person. Obviously nothing ever happened between us and at the time I didn’t worry about it. One night after a night out, he touched my leg in the taxi on the way home (there were lots of us in this taxi). Again at the time I thought nothing of it but I didn’t stop him. Fast forward to a few years later, this becomes an obsession. I was crying for hours, ruminating and having panic attacks over this situation. I convinced myself I had feelings for this boy, that I’d cheated on my boyfriend and that I was an awful person. I did all the compulsive behaviours - ‘confessing’ to my boyfriend, playing the situation over and over, convincing myself on things that I don’t even know if they happened. The typical OCD behaviour. Since my OCD has hugely improved, this obsession has not bothered me in the slightest. But for some reason it’s come back. Not to the same extent, but I cannot stop thinking about it again. I just don’t know what to do. It makes me fill with tremendous guilt whenever I look at my boyfriend. He’s not bothered by the situation at all, he knows all the ins and outs. I don’t want to keep hurting him and I don’t want to talk to him about it AGAIN because I know all I’m doing is seeking reassurance from him. Does anyone have any advice? I’m struggling to let things go and accept them. (If you’ve made it to the bottom, you are a literal saint, I’m so sorry this is so long)

auroramaple

Date posted: 2y

Thank you so much, your comments are really helpful 😊 I haven’t got access to therapy at the moment unfortunately but it’s definitely something I’m considering. The rumination is so hard to stop, but I’ve dealt with it before I just need to remember I can do it again, thank you again 🥰

ihateocd12345

Date posted: 2y

Even tho it’s a “real event” it sounds almost like false memory in that the base thing is true - but your OCD is blowing it WAY out of proportion and adding feelings and thoughts that were not there and telling you you had feelings for home when you didn’t! I suffer with the same things and my ocd will tell me “well this “event” actually happened” yea it “happened” but NOT the way ocd is telling me it happened! Are you in therapy right now? Working through this with a therapist is really helpful. I think also right now reminding yourself this is OCD and trying to move on and let the thoughts be there but just be like “yea for sure brain I totally cheated on my boyfriend!” Or bring sarcastic with your ocd is really helpful. Let the thought be there but don’t give them attention! You are stronger than your ocd!!

ihateocd12345

Date posted: 2y

Also ruminating over it will make it 100x worse and add more false memories so try not to do it!

ihateocd12345

Date posted: 2y

Also try not to seek reassurance from your boyfriend as that will only grow your ocd more and more. Remember it’s ocd and nothing will satisfy it. There will ALWAYS be another “what if”. Stay strong you got this!

Anonnnnnm

Date posted: 22w

Please help (ROCD)!

I have been battling ocd for over a year now and it likes to switch themes. Currently, it’s attacking my relationship with my girlfriend who I’ve been with since I was in high school over 10 years ago. It first began as an intense feeling that I have to leave or break up with her over dumb little things. Then it changed into a lot of guilt for having any thought about another girl. And the worse is feeling this intense guilt for past things I’ve done in the past while in this relationship. We were so young and I was teenager, but I often found myself watching porn, fantasizing about real other people in my life, and getting off to other girls that I may have known. When I was younger I didn’t think it was bad and that it was just a normal teen boy thing, but 10 years later I have so much guilt about it. And yes I’m with the same girl now. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I know I love this girl and I’m ready to propose to her soon. Anyway, these past mistakes I did when I was younger make me feel like a cheater and I can’t stop ruminating about it. I feel like I have to admit every detail and person I’ve ever had a bad thought about. I feel like if I propose to her and don’t tell her everything, that I’m a lair and didn’t give her the full picture. And the other day one of the girls I thought was hot when I was younger, came up in convo and I just went downhill. Now she knows I deal with OCD and she is very supportive, I’ve told her before that I did some bad things, but never all the details. And that’s all my brain keeps telling me to do. I have so much tightness in my chest and just want to be able to breathe again. But everyone says to not admit or it’ll reinforce the cycle, I’m just not sure how everyone else does that. And at the same time, maybe I am a cheater and just simply a bad person. Idk! I never cheated physically or anything like that, but my past mistakes feel like I did. But again I may just be a bad person! Please if anyone has advice or is dealing with similar things, I’d appreciate the help!

Relationship OCD

Jpais28

Date posted: 10w

ROCD advice help for supporting partner

I am at a very difficult spot in my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years, and I have a history of cheating that for years we’ve been trying to work through. To me, it makes a lot of sense that my OCD has attached itself to this and for the last few years I’ve experienced intrusive sexual thoughts of others and relationship ocd. I have been open to him about the content of my thoughts and now, with a proper diagnosis of an anxiety disorder, I am able to reframe them and work through them with ERP so that my brain will *hopefully* get bored and stop sending them. But, things have not been easy. As a result of this and everything in our past, he has become anxious about all the scenarios where I could be having sexualized thoughts about other people. To him, if I am thinking something utterly different than what I am telling him or acting like to him, he can’t fully trust it. And of course, I can imagine how difficult it is to know your life partner is sexualizing others in her brain and to be able find a way to dismiss them as unthreatening, especially when past mistakes say otherwise. Is there anyone that has gone through this with a partner? And other than repeatedly explaining the egodystonic nature of my thoughts and providing reassurance, what are some things you did that helped them? Any advice helps! Thank you

DannyO507

Date posted: 9w

I need help

So I have been struggling with the same theme of ocd for 4 months now. My ocd centers around past events/false memories that ocd skews to make seem bad or it twists my thoughts on what my intentions were. this is related to cheating or being weird while I have been in my amazing relationship. I have never cheated on my partner and never will and I believe it is wrong. But my ocd is telling me other wise. I love my partner so very much and I would never want to hurt him but my brain is getting to me. I was getting better. I was trying “maybe I did, maybe I didn’t”, I have been back on meds and in therapy and I stopped confessing random interactions from years/months ago about 1.5 weeks ago and it really helped. But now I woke up this morning and feel the pit in my stomach again. I feel extra critical and like why would you do this? What does this say about you? What was your intention with this? And I’m just stuck mentally reviewing and ruminating on everything you could imagine. I know my personality and I know in the moment maybe I did find them attractive but mainly I was just being nice or funny or even just a good friend, but looking back now I’m like “was it flirting?” “Why did I still snap this person” “why would I even talk to them” and stuff like that. I feel this intense sense of guilt. I have told my partner everything that I keep getting stuck on and he didn’t care, he said he understands or “that’s a little weird but it’s okay” and hasn’t missed a beat. He said eveything I’ve told him is normal and I’ve heard that from my friends too. I just really need help. I don’t know what to do anymore. I am so disappointed because I thought I was gonna be done with this, so why am I still so worried and caught up in this.

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ROCD & real event

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