When hearing others ROCD origin stories I hear most of the people we’re head over heels and then one day it just stopped. I don’t think that’s how things started for me and it’s making me feel invalidated.
i understand what you are feeling, my so ocd started in such a intense way and ive seen no one living the same thing and it makes me scared
I think how ROCD starts can be very individual for everyone..an example: when I was in my first relationship I was extremely in love (in a sense of butterfly's, all the superficial Hollywood love feelings) but after a certain time is when I first began to have ROCD symptoms. With my now boyfriend it's different. I had ROCD from the beginning, often times having problems knowing whether I love him or not and it took me a long time to get together with him because of it. Every story is individual and everyone here is at a different point in life. That doesn't make your story invalid.
I also never had the real "honey moon phase" with my boyfriend now. If that's what you are talking about
@ROCDmensch i never had that phase too because and don’t feel "in love", it makes me want to cry because i don’t even know what loves feel like and i keep wondering what we are supposed to feel etc
@ObiWanA I think it's a misconception that you have to feel a certain way. And especially overthinking can really influence how you feel about someone. Because the feeling of love often comes with a feeling of ease and safety. And when you are constantly worried and fearful, none of these feelings have space. I try to think about how my partner makes me feel safe and loved. That he shows up for me and that he is kind, that I can love with him, that I trust him. For me this is love. Not the extreme feeling where you are not even able to function because everything is too exciting. That's an expectation no love can fulfill for a long period of time. I think a relationship is about spending time with someone who is very close to you. And I know that's difficult with ROCD because sometimes we don't feel close. But once the anxiety goes away, those feelings of closeness can come back
@ROCDmensch thank you very much for your answer!! it’s my first real relationship and i think i always had unrealistic expectations like needed to always feel "in love" or have strong feelings whenever you look at him but like you said maybe love is ease and safety. and i don’t feel that way with him! even though my rocd is telling me it’s not romantic love i try to keep going. i have so ocd as well and it’s really hard to be close to him with all this anxiety
@ObiWanA i do feel that way with him*
@ROCDmensch I think you are 100% right. That’s the thing that worried me, I was sorta kind with this guy and I was OBSESSED with him and I always felt nervous as hell around him, always always, but coming to think of it now I genuinely feel it could have just been me being nervous because it was a jenky situation and I thought I was in love. It’s very hard tho because I compare the last guy, how I felt, everything I did, literally everything to my relationship now and it scares me because it’s so vastly different. I compare my current bfs looks, the way he does certain things, it’s crazy.
@ObiWanA I truly understand that. Putting so much pressure on ourselves to feel this sense of movie type love, it’s so hard when it’s all we are surrounded by and it’s all people tell us we should feel otherwise it isn’t okay. I have the same thought that maybe it’s not a romantic love that we have and it’s fucking scary and that kills me more than anything when the thought comes and won’t go away.
@brandifleury movie type love is exactly what i’ve always wanted because i thought it was going to be like that but reality hit hard! i understand… i always wonder is it romantic love? how to know? will it happen? etc…
@ObiWanA ughhh I feel you! 100000%
@brandifleury i feel less alone!!
@ObiWanA me too, thank you for sharing 🥹
@brandifleury thank you too!!!
*that I can laugh with him
I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.
I believe I have ROCD — at least, that’s what many people here have told me based on what I’ve shared — and I really need help, because I feel like I’m falling apart. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I don’t know what’s real. My thoughts come as loud, cold statements — not questions. They say things like: “Nothing is the same.” “You don’t love him.” “You’re just staying because you’re used to him.” And even though I know I’m supposed to let the thoughts pass and not engage with them — I can’t. I get stuck in them. I try to find answers, I ruminate, I check, I cry, I panic. Everyone says “love isn’t just a feeling” — and I know that. But… I still want to feel something. I want to feel warmth, or connection, or even just peace. It’s been so long since I felt anything like that. Now everything just feels empty or terrifying or cold. My brain only gives me negative interpretations. No memory brings me comfort anymore. Nothing feels like it used to. And the worst part is — it all feels true. Sometimes I think: “What if I’m just denying the truth?” “What if I’ve finally realized that I don’t love him, and I just don’t want to admit it?” This feels like the worst version of myself. I’m so confused and scared and tired. Even therapy didn’t help — my therapist said things that made it worse, and now I don’t know who or what to believe anymore. I just want help. I want to know how to face ROCD — if that’s what this really is. I want to believe I can feel love again. I don’t want to lose myself in this forever. Has anyone else felt like this? How did you start to get better? i cant even remember past good memories with him, my head tells me that i didnt love him and i was just “excited “ to have someone. We have 2 years together and i have been dealing with this for a year and a half.
I have had ocd in my relationship for a while now. When I originally met him it was like this insane spiritual soulmate feeling and we just clicked instantly and he never judged me. I’m scared cause when I picture breaking up with my boyfriend I see myself being ok and being sad but moving on which I never was able to see before doesn’t this mean that this is what would happen or I don’t know till it happens? I still can’t imagine what life would be like without him but I just feel like I have lost feelings that I never wanted to lose. plus that’s also when I just picture knowing how people move on and how I’d just have to move on without letting myself picture processing the losses of all. I’m just really scared cause I used to think of wanting other things in someone else and what it would be like but I just thought how nice it would be to have it and not actually meaning it bc every time I thought about it I got upset and now it feels diff. He knows I have ocd but I never explained the ROCD because I thought it would have offended him so every time I went through a flare up I never told and acted like I was fine and it kept happening and OCD kept getting worse and worse. Maybe that’s part of the issue cause I haven’t been feeling like myself. But this is a feeling I never wanted to feel ever with him. I have gone through the feeling of numb but not like this. And he has a lot of positives but I can only see him overall as negatives and I’ve been told that’s ocd but it’s affecting how I feel. And yes there are legit actual things in the relationship that upset me but ocd has been affecting the way I look at him also. I keep being told my judgment is being impaired but this time it rly feels like not. And I’m Scared why don’t memories and things affect me like it used to doesn’t that mean I want this. Has anyone experienced this or is this the end 😭
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