When hearing others ROCD origin stories I hear most of the people we’re head over heels and then one day it just stopped. I don’t think that’s how things started for me and it’s making me feel invalidated.
i understand what you are feeling, my so ocd started in such a intense way and ive seen no one living the same thing and it makes me scared
I think how ROCD starts can be very individual for everyone..an example: when I was in my first relationship I was extremely in love (in a sense of butterfly's, all the superficial Hollywood love feelings) but after a certain time is when I first began to have ROCD symptoms. With my now boyfriend it's different. I had ROCD from the beginning, often times having problems knowing whether I love him or not and it took me a long time to get together with him because of it. Every story is individual and everyone here is at a different point in life. That doesn't make your story invalid.
I also never had the real "honey moon phase" with my boyfriend now. If that's what you are talking about
@ROCDmensch i never had that phase too because and don’t feel "in love", it makes me want to cry because i don’t even know what loves feel like and i keep wondering what we are supposed to feel etc
@ObiWanA I think it's a misconception that you have to feel a certain way. And especially overthinking can really influence how you feel about someone. Because the feeling of love often comes with a feeling of ease and safety. And when you are constantly worried and fearful, none of these feelings have space. I try to think about how my partner makes me feel safe and loved. That he shows up for me and that he is kind, that I can love with him, that I trust him. For me this is love. Not the extreme feeling where you are not even able to function because everything is too exciting. That's an expectation no love can fulfill for a long period of time. I think a relationship is about spending time with someone who is very close to you. And I know that's difficult with ROCD because sometimes we don't feel close. But once the anxiety goes away, those feelings of closeness can come back
@ROCDmensch thank you very much for your answer!! it’s my first real relationship and i think i always had unrealistic expectations like needed to always feel "in love" or have strong feelings whenever you look at him but like you said maybe love is ease and safety. and i don’t feel that way with him! even though my rocd is telling me it’s not romantic love i try to keep going. i have so ocd as well and it’s really hard to be close to him with all this anxiety
@ObiWanA i do feel that way with him*
@ROCDmensch I think you are 100% right. That’s the thing that worried me, I was sorta kind with this guy and I was OBSESSED with him and I always felt nervous as hell around him, always always, but coming to think of it now I genuinely feel it could have just been me being nervous because it was a jenky situation and I thought I was in love. It’s very hard tho because I compare the last guy, how I felt, everything I did, literally everything to my relationship now and it scares me because it’s so vastly different. I compare my current bfs looks, the way he does certain things, it’s crazy.
@ObiWanA I truly understand that. Putting so much pressure on ourselves to feel this sense of movie type love, it’s so hard when it’s all we are surrounded by and it’s all people tell us we should feel otherwise it isn’t okay. I have the same thought that maybe it’s not a romantic love that we have and it’s fucking scary and that kills me more than anything when the thought comes and won’t go away.
@brandifleury movie type love is exactly what i’ve always wanted because i thought it was going to be like that but reality hit hard! i understand… i always wonder is it romantic love? how to know? will it happen? etc…
@ObiWanA ughhh I feel you! 100000%
@brandifleury i feel less alone!!
@ObiWanA me too, thank you for sharing 🥹
@brandifleury thank you too!!!
*that I can laugh with him
Good morning everyone, I need some opinions or help on what people might think is wrong. March 2024 is when I started questioning everything about my relationship for no reason he is everything that I wanted, but my mind is trying to tell me that it isn't April 2024 was probably one of the worst times of my life I stayed home from work because I was constantly crying and totally sick because I didn't know what to do. The thoughts slowly started to not bother me as much. I feel like since it ever started I never have gotten that. Love feeling back for my boyfriend, but I want it back so bad because when I did have it, it was absolutely amazing. I have no desire to kiss him or be intimate with him either which also scares me fast-forward to today. I am waking up with so many doubts in questioning myself. Is this ever gonna go away or am I ever gonna feel that love back for my boyfriend ever again? I feel like I'm wasting his time and my time because it feels never ending. I went to a therapist shortly after starting to deal with this and she didn't really seem to help so now on Wednesday I have a new therapist that specializes in OCD I think does anyone have any advice? Thank you so much in advance.
Lately, I’ve been feeling so disconnected from my boyfriend, and I don’t understand why. When I look at him, it feels like I’m looking at a stranger, and my mind keeps telling me that I don’t like him, that I never really loved him, or that I was just attached and comfortable. It feels real, and that terrifies me. I know logically that ROCD makes me overanalyze every little feeling, but it doesn’t make this any easier. I keep waiting to feel something—love, excitement, even relief—but instead, I just feel numb and distant. When we talk, I feel weird. When he kisses me, I don’t feel much. I keep thinking, ‘If I really loved him, wouldn’t I feel something?’ And the fact that I don’t just fuels my anxiety even more. It scares me that I can’t remember how I felt before ROCD took over. I look at old pictures, and my brain tells me, ‘That wasn’t real, you were just excited to have a relationship.’ And because I can’t access those feelings right now, it makes me doubt everything even more. I also feel guilty because my boyfriend is so loving and patient, but I feel like I’m hurting him. He tells me he doesn’t feel loved by me anymore, and I hate that I can’t just snap out of this and be the way I was before. It’s exhausting. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I keep checking how I feel every second, and it just makes me feel worse. I know that’s a compulsion, but it’s so hard to stop. I keep searching for certainty, but no answer satisfies me. Even when I try to accept the uncertainty, my mind screams, ‘But what if you don’t love him? What if you’re just lying to yourself?’ I want to be present with him. I want to feel love naturally again. But I don’t know how to get there, and it’s terrifying.”
I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.
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