When hearing others ROCD origin stories I hear most of the people we’re head over heels and then one day it just stopped. I don’t think that’s how things started for me and it’s making me feel invalidated.
i understand what you are feeling, my so ocd started in such a intense way and ive seen no one living the same thing and it makes me scared
I think how ROCD starts can be very individual for everyone..an example: when I was in my first relationship I was extremely in love (in a sense of butterfly's, all the superficial Hollywood love feelings) but after a certain time is when I first began to have ROCD symptoms. With my now boyfriend it's different. I had ROCD from the beginning, often times having problems knowing whether I love him or not and it took me a long time to get together with him because of it. Every story is individual and everyone here is at a different point in life. That doesn't make your story invalid.
I also never had the real "honey moon phase" with my boyfriend now. If that's what you are talking about
@ROCDmensch i never had that phase too because and don’t feel "in love", it makes me want to cry because i don’t even know what loves feel like and i keep wondering what we are supposed to feel etc
@ObiWanA I think it's a misconception that you have to feel a certain way. And especially overthinking can really influence how you feel about someone. Because the feeling of love often comes with a feeling of ease and safety. And when you are constantly worried and fearful, none of these feelings have space. I try to think about how my partner makes me feel safe and loved. That he shows up for me and that he is kind, that I can love with him, that I trust him. For me this is love. Not the extreme feeling where you are not even able to function because everything is too exciting. That's an expectation no love can fulfill for a long period of time. I think a relationship is about spending time with someone who is very close to you. And I know that's difficult with ROCD because sometimes we don't feel close. But once the anxiety goes away, those feelings of closeness can come back
@ROCDmensch thank you very much for your answer!! it’s my first real relationship and i think i always had unrealistic expectations like needed to always feel "in love" or have strong feelings whenever you look at him but like you said maybe love is ease and safety. and i don’t feel that way with him! even though my rocd is telling me it’s not romantic love i try to keep going. i have so ocd as well and it’s really hard to be close to him with all this anxiety
@ObiWanA i do feel that way with him*
@ROCDmensch I think you are 100% right. That’s the thing that worried me, I was sorta kind with this guy and I was OBSESSED with him and I always felt nervous as hell around him, always always, but coming to think of it now I genuinely feel it could have just been me being nervous because it was a jenky situation and I thought I was in love. It’s very hard tho because I compare the last guy, how I felt, everything I did, literally everything to my relationship now and it scares me because it’s so vastly different. I compare my current bfs looks, the way he does certain things, it’s crazy.
@ObiWanA I truly understand that. Putting so much pressure on ourselves to feel this sense of movie type love, it’s so hard when it’s all we are surrounded by and it’s all people tell us we should feel otherwise it isn’t okay. I have the same thought that maybe it’s not a romantic love that we have and it’s fucking scary and that kills me more than anything when the thought comes and won’t go away.
@brandifleury movie type love is exactly what i’ve always wanted because i thought it was going to be like that but reality hit hard! i understand… i always wonder is it romantic love? how to know? will it happen? etc…
@ObiWanA ughhh I feel you! 100000%
@brandifleury i feel less alone!!
@ObiWanA me too, thank you for sharing 🥹
@brandifleury thank you too!!!
*that I can laugh with him
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