Real event OCD

I’ve always struggled with mistakes I’ve made in the past. Particularly my OCD trigger has been separation from someone and uncertainty about when I will see them next. When this trigger event happens I start to feel anxious which manifests through obsessive thinking about my past and mistakes I’ve made or inappropriate behaviour and I then believe these are the reasons I’m feeling anxious and I must confess or seek reassurance for these mistakes in order to move forward. However I have learnt this is a loop, I think one mistake is the problem and if I confess it then I’ll be free but what happens is another past event/mistake fills it’s place. It will go on forever but I don’t know how to stop. I know the real issue is in the present moment I miss someone or I’m stressed or I’m worried about the future but I always end up looking to the past to find a mistake and ascribe the meaning of my anxiety to that. I know the confession loop doesn’t work. It feeds the problem. This past week I’ve fallen back into this loop after a few years of being able to let the thoughts pass me by without engaging with them. Does anyone else experience this?

willow93

Date posted: 2y

This is exactly what I’m experiencing right now. It’s such a difficult cycle and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with it too. Digging for old memories is a terrible feeling and I hope we both can kick it. Avoiding compulsions as much as you can will feel hard but I think it’ll be better for you in the long run.

BMAnon

Date posted: 2y

@willow93 Thank you for replying. I’m also so sorry to hear you are dealing with it. It’s funny how we don’t want other people to suffer with it because we know it’s OCD and we know compulsions won’t help but when it comes to ourselves we don’t afford ourself the same insight or awareness or sympathy or understanding. Here’s to looking forward and not back, leave mistakes behind, know there is often a grey area and not everything can be black and white. Know that the people you want to confess to would probably rather you move forward and forgive yourself.

willow93

Date posted: 2y

@BMAnon I’ve been thinking the same. My mom said to me today, she knows I wouldn’t hold things against someone else that I hold against myself. OCD works so strange. We’ll move forward! One step at a time :)

fallinlovefrog

Date posted: 2y

This is my exact problem too 💛

ThatsPrettyNeat

Date posted: 2y

Yeah I think I struggle with similar issues. If I think I have a chance of seeing certain people for whatever reason I can become anxious which makes me think that I’m anxious because the thing I did must have been bad otherwise I’d be fine with seeing them.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond