I believe I don’t love him anymore… That I am lying to him… using him… I believe I actually wanna break up… 😢 Watching law and order.. I know it’s a show but I can see how you can convince yourself of anything… I am scared what if I convinced myself I don’t love him… I don’t love anyone right now.. I don’t feel numb… I love my family but not that much.. I don’t wanna break up with my partner 😭😭😭💔
I have experienced that if I focus less on those thoughts and just try to enjoy being around him, even if it feels fake in that moment, I can feel how I actually do enjoy being with him. I just feel that my emotions and feelings are being overshadowed by all this anxiety and fear, but if I focus less on it I can feel the real me again, even though it’s hard
@Anny1005 I love him a lot. But I feel calm to the point where I believe I wanna break up…
@Anny1005 I get worried bc I know some of this stuff isn’t just imaginary… the relationship has issues… I want things to be normal again… 😢💔 I wanna fix the issues.. so badly.. I am so scared he isn’t the one for me anymore… 😭😭💔💔
@7710 ❤️ Talk to him about this & Talk to him about how you want issues fixed & work from there. And he will be there for you if he loves you
@14ghouls We have and he is working on the issues but my brain sees it as not enough… 😢💔
@7710 ❤️ I know that feeling trust me :( keep pushing I’m getting better day by day. Usually when thoughts pop up I allow myself to feel it and imagine me sitting next to it giving it a hug and accepting the thought. Allow yourself to feel that pain. And ik it sounds dumb but keep doing it till your bored. There’s a thing on here that helps u with that practice.
@7710 ❤️ Without getting too personal, unless you are willing to share, what type of issues are you dealing with?
@MikeOH2LA We both have mental issues. Money issues.. I’m in credit card debt due to bad money spending… my partner works a low income job. We don’t live on our own. We live with my family which is putting on more on us.. I freak out with any stressful as a threat to my livelihood. My partner is trying to teach me to be careful and that sometimes we can’t always buy what we want. My partner has his own trauma that he wants to work on. Idk… maybe I am the problem I am just so stressed out… My partner also has social anxiety too. He works and wants to work but doesn’t know what he wants to do but keeps an eye on things.
@7710 ❤️ Do you feel like your OCD is preventing you from being able to work yourself or did I miss that you do work? Also, thank you for sharing.
@MikeOH2LA I work but am very very unhappy where I work. It makes me miserable…
@7710 ❤️ Like someone else mentioned earlier, can you seek professional assistance to cope with your OCD and anxiety? You have a lot of triggers it seems which makes it quite challenging to breathe and get any perspective. I feel for you and your partner. BTW, you had mentioned before that it might be you. It is very easy to take on responsibility even though it may not be yours. Try to be kind to yourself. Your situation does not have to be forever. Sometimes I literally feel like I am going to explode from anxiety. What I do is stop what I am doing and take a big deep breath - as much as I can fill my lungs with - close my eyes and hold it until your body says to exhale. I exhale slowly and then open my eyes again. It helps me - even if briefly- to reset. Try it sometime.
@MikeOH2LA It doesn’t feel like ROCD… I just wanna confess and tell my partner… in hopes to know it was just ROCD… 😢💔 I have this thought in the back of my mind that I don’t wanna actually break up. I know we are trying to figure things out but it’s just difficult… 😞
I'm really surprised you're still going through this without professional help, it has to be really exhausting
I am sorry you are struggling. When you are with him, do you feel good about yourself or do you feel like he makes your OCD worse?
There are times I feel good around him. But some of his traits. Gives me anxiety
Lately, I’ve been feeling like my relationship isn’t real. I keep thinking: • Why am I even with him? • Do I actually like him, or am I just used to him? • What if I’m just convincing myself that I like him? I feel numb, disconnected, and nothing I tell myself reassures me. Sometimes, I get really irritable when we talk, I don’t feel joy, and I start overanalyzing everything. It makes me feel like the absolute truth is that I don’t like him, and I’m just in denial. I also heard that when you don’t like someone, there’s no anxiety—just relief. But I have moments where the thought “I don’t want to be with him” crosses my mind, and I don’t feel anything at all. And because I don’t panic immediately, I start thinking “Maybe this means it’s true.” I’ve read that love isn’t about feeling excitement 24/7, but my mind keeps telling me that if I don’t feel connected, if I have to search for reasons why I like him, that must mean I don’t. I feel like I’m losing touch with my emotions, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to feel love or happiness the way I used to. It’s like I keep waiting for some proof that I truly want to be with him, but I never find it. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I’m trapped in this endless doubt, and I don’t know what’s real anymore.
I think I’ve officially lost it today. I have completely convinced myself that I’m not actually in love with my partner. That I’m only with him for comfort. I struggle with trying to “feel” love. In past relationships where I’m sure I didn’t actually love them I idolized a version of them, it was an intense all consuming passion. With my boyfriend now it’s not like that and I think my obsession is also keeping it away. I met him on a blind date. It wasn’t until our 3rd date and first kiss did I feel something and even during the dating I was obsessing if he was going to be good to me or not. At not one point during our relationship was I ever at peace or simply enjoying it. I feel something guilty about this. He has flaws and I amplified them as proof we are not right for each other. I hyper fixate on feeling of past relationships and if I feel for him those feelings. He is a wonderful person who doesn’t deserve this, I’m scared of working on myself too because what if I get better and then “yep I still feel the same” then I’d have to leave him and that also sucks. My hurt on leaving him is the only thing keeping me tethered honestly because the thought of him being out there in the world and I not being able to talk with him kills me. I don’t know what love is anymore or what I’m supposed to feel. I’m so ashamed of myself, I’m crying in the bathroom stall at work feeling like I need to break up with him because it’s the right thing to do.
Right now I feel like I’ve realized something awful. Like maybe… I never truly loved my boyfriend. Maybe in the beginning I was just excited to be in a relationship. Maybe I confused that excitement with real love. And when the intrusive thoughts started, maybe it wasn’t ROCD — maybe it was the truth hitting me. I write this and it feels real. That’s the scariest part. It feels calm and clear and like maybe I’ve just been lying to myself all along, holding on because I “should,” not because I truly want to. I can’t remember how it felt to love him — and that makes it worse. I feel so disconnected, so numb, like nothing makes sense anymore. Every time I try to feel something for him, it feels like I’m faking it. Like I’m playing a role, not being myself. But the thing is… I’m not at peace. If this was really the truth, why does it hurt so much? Why does this “realization” come with panic, guilt, emptiness, and so much fear? I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this — doubting myself, my feelings, and my past. I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle I can’t break, and I’m scared I’ll always feel this way. Has anyone ever felt like this before?
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