Plz I need ANSWERS GUYS WHAT DOES IT MEAN IF THE THOUGHT DOESNT BOTHER ME ANYMORE I RLLY DONT THINK ITS “RECOVERING” BC U CANT RECOVER JUST IN SECONDS U HAVE TO DO ERP THERAPY IM DO CONFUSED HELP

Why am I not anxious? Like at all anymore? Is it because I'm really avoiding and trying not to think of the consequences that come from possibly being a pdfile? Is the only thing that is worrying me about it is the consequences then does it mean that I really am one? But I never masturbated to the thought of a child and actively seeked it. It came as intrusive thoughts while I was doing it yes I've had them when I see kids yes and I question and check a lot if I'm attracted to them and its just confusing me, I know I'll never do anything to hurt a child and I don't even like the idea of becoming a pdfile then why am I not anxious enough about it? The thoughts are just distressing obsessive I feel disgusting and Id say I still do compulsions but I don't know something just doesn't feel right. I don't feel anything and no real attraction to anyone or anything anymore. I just feel so disgusting and I just want to be normal but then again I pretty much did this to myself. It's weird to me I know there isn't a real indication I'm a pdfile and past experiences pretty much prove that and I've always been attracted to older guys so why is this happening now? Why am I getting these thoughts now especially right after I was trying to fix this sexual obsession/tension I had for older guys. Is my brain just leaving one thing to love and be obsessed about and going to the other? I'm really really just confused. Not anxious just distressed confused and uncomfortable. Like I want to throw up but I don't feel intense anxiety in my chest it feels like maybe I haven't processed what's going on properly. I'm genuinely so confused and I don't want to have this stay in my mind. Sometimes I just miss my ex so much because at the time I've felt something I felt so much things even though I had really bad rocd. I just miss loving people again and being alive again. I'm so scared and confused right now can anyone explain to me what is this? I genuinely just want to understand what I'm feeling or thinking because its not making sense to me

So been trying to do erp with my therapist for a while now, and tis really hard and feels like it's not working. Il get this weird sensation or feeling that makes me feel"gay" or as if I'm attracted to someone, and I know my therapist keeps telling me" you don't have to put meaning into the thoughts or feelings" but that seems impossible to do because and I'm sorry to say, it makes me feel that specific way. And I'll use the Erp quotes, "maybe maybe not" or"the more I struggle, the worse it gets" or"these feelings and thoughts are here, but I'm choosing to let them be" and I'll do nothing and try to let it be here but it's so distracting and feels very real, and it's like this sensation, small or big and it last all day, and even just sitting with it isn't working. And my therapist will tell me"you don't have to believe in it" and I'm sorry I feel like if it were that easy, OCD would have never been a problem in the first place, or live with uncertainty, however it doesn't feel like uncertainty, but feels very truthful or valid. Idk what I'm doing wrong tho

I'm trying to get my head around ERP. What is the best way to describe how it's a "solution." Imo I think OCD happens with people who are very concerned with their own genuine integrity and probably their own "morality." So when something (like an uncomfortable "real event" that actually happened) messes that up, it's hard to grapple with that...hence the endless rumination and trying to "problem solve" it. But the mind doesn't let you sleep (i.e. OCD) if something is controversial and doesn't sit with you. Or if you obsess over something and it's based on a rooted fear. You just can't "let it go," it has to be addressed and dealt with. But what happens when it is NEVER dealt with? How does ERP address that dilemma as a permanent solution? Or does ERP only address compulsions and anxiety, but it doesn't actually deal with the issue causing it. Do you ever get REAL peace of mind? Or is just something to make you feel "less anxious" etc? Thanks I just want peace of mind. I haven't had true peace of mind in several years.