ROCD/DREAMS

I’m sick with COVID and I dunno if it’s because I’m sick or what but I had the most intense dream about my “ex” and in the dream I was like begging him for an explanation as to why our situation went down so fucking bad and why he cheated. He pleaded that he still loved me and always will and some other things that may not make sense to non religious ( Jehovahs Witnesses ) people, but basically that he couldn’t do it and I said sort of the same but that I couldn’t do it and I don’t remember mentioning my current boyfriend (his ex best friend) but I swear in my dream I was like “I love my current bf”. I hope this isn’t confusing but it’s INTENSELY triggered me and this isn’t the first time it happened. Please tell me I’m not alone.

Relationship OCD

andrea2s

Date posted: 2y

It's okay to have it bother you. Sit in that discomfort. Accept that you're allowing yourself to feel that anxiety about it and do nothing to "fix" it immediately. It is going to be uncomfortable. It is meant to be. Desensitization/comfortable may get confusing. But the point is to endure the anxiety because we're retraining the brain to acknowledge that this isn't a valid threat, merely a perceived one. The dreams are uncomfortable, we don't want them to occur. But that's out of our control. They don't mean anything in the greater scheme of things, so we're allowing ourselves to relearn our response to it. Bad dreams don't need to be more than bad dreams. It doesn't need to ruin our day. It doesn't need to mean something or be an indicator of some larger issue. A bad dream is a bad dream. It can happen, it can make us uncomfortable, and we can and will move on from it. Imagine your standard nightmare. You wake up, and you remember it, but you move on from it during the day. You don't sit and dwell and think about what the monster meant or why you didn't run faster or why you didn't fight harder. It was just a bad dream. The difference here is it's touching on a sensitive topic for you...ROCD. So it's more real to you in emotion/sentiment, but it has no more stock in reality than your other nightmare with the masked murderer. OCD picks on the things we care about most, things that we've decided we have a vested interest in, and it picks on those things because we're intent on protecting it...of course our anxiety response will sound the alarm for the things we care about. But that alarm is malfunctioning and we need to reset it. ERP is that reset, it's just not as immediate as pushing a button. It's a relearning process...emphasis on process.

brandifleury

Date posted: 2y

@andrea2s I’m going to read this over and over, if this comes up again. Thank you so much for putting in a different perspective that is hard for me to see right now, genuinely thank you.

andrea2s

Date posted: 2y

Dreams are dreams. They're out of our control. Accept that dreams will happen, that it will be uncomfortable, and that you would not otherwise choose to partake in them. Let them come and I promise you, once you unclench, they will happen less, and if they do, they will not bother you nearly as much.

brandifleury

Date posted: 2y

@andrea2s thank you 🥹 I will try really hard!

andrea2s

Date posted: 2y

I too have had dreams where I didn't do or say or think or care about something that conscious me would have preferred. But that's the thing, conscious me and unconscious me don't necessarily operate the same way and it's unrealistic to hold the dreamscape to any expectations. So when you wake up from a bad or triggering dream... "alright, that was an uncomfortable dream. Sucks that it may happen again, that's a toss up, but it's okay cause that one will be just the same as this..an uncomfortable moment to move on from that has no greater bearing on me."

andrea2s

Date posted: 2y

Accepting that it may happen again doesn't mean you want it to either. Acceptance does not mean you're asking for or encouraging it. What it does mean is that you acknowledge that you will get through it if/when it does happen again.

brandifleury

Date posted: 2y

@andrea2s You make some valid points, I’m gonna do my best to not let it bother me, truly. It’s just so hard in the moment. As time, has went on, my reaction has gotten better but then, as I’m typing this out I’m like does that mean I’m just getting comfortable with it, and not in the way of getting over it. Hopefully that makes sense.

nessy

Date posted: 25w

Flirted by a stranger, causing ROCD flare up.

I’ve been with my partner for about 7 years. I thought I was over the ROCD for a while. But I’ve been under a lot of stress. I’m moving in with him next week, but I lost my job due to severe anxiety and depression affecting my job. (I hated working there) It’s been stressful trying to find another job while moving and I’ve noticed I would occasionally get intrusive thoughts, but I managed to ignore them, especially with the help of medication. However just today I went shopping for groceries and this stranger asked for my number and called me cute. I can’t lie it was flattering but I rejected him and confirmed I had a partner and it was serious. He was very friendly about it and I went home. But now I’m getting these intrusive thoughts like “You want him instead of your partner.” “You’d rather be with him.” “You felt flattered so you want to be in a relationship with him instead and cheat on your partner or break up with your partner.” It’s been so hard since coming back home because while I was flattered, my brain keeps thinking I’ve cheated for some reason or want to cheat or break up with my partner. For reference, I’m demisexual which means I don’t have any attraction until I develop a strong emotional connection with someone. So I wasn’t attracted to this stranger but I keep thinking I am? I really hate this because I love my partner so much and I thought I was over all of this. Any advice when a flare up like this happens? I assume it’s a flare up because I hate how real it feels, it makes me feel sick with anxiety.

Mariabae

Date posted: 18w

rocd

I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.

Whatabtme

Date posted: 7w

Rocd triggered, ran into guy I have history with

Ocd sucks. I’m at a stay away multiple days long event for school rn and ran into someone I used to talk with. We had a will they won’t they kind of thing for years and knew each other all growing up. I knew when we were really young that he had a crush on me for a while. And then when we got older there were times I had a crush on him but I don’t think he liked me anymore at that point. I never fully knew where he stood because he often was in a relationship or living somewhere else. Because we never dated or kissed or anything, only hung out on ambiguous date-like occasions, there has always been that what if sitting there for me and I hadn’t seen or spoken to him since before I met my current partner years ago. Well they happen to be at this place I’m staying at, where we are in the same places everyday, and I ran into them, said hi and caught up for a bit. It has totally triggered my ROCD in a way I’ve never experienced. I feel guilt and shame and keep having intrusive thoughts that are so extreme and catastrophic like what if I leave my partner of 8 years for him, what if I find him more attractive than my partner, what if I cross a line while I’m interacting with him this week, what if I’m a terrible girlfriend to my partner and a fraud??

Relationship OCD

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ROCD/DREAMS

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