I have a problem regarding OCD false memories. Therefore, whenever there is something that might be trigger me at the future, I always write it down in notes or voice notes. but sometimes these notes or voice notes actually become a new kind of ocd for me. sometimes when i listen to my old voice note again, i feel why am i talking like this, am i being denial on this note, etc I’m so tired.
I have notes that I wrote down before the false memory that disproves this and I constantly look at it, still get what if thoughts "what if you didn't realize it?". Can't win.
I feel the pain in your writing, I am so sorry that you are going through this. OCD can be exhausting, I know that. From what you posted I think that the notes are the compulsion, it makes sense that the more you do them, the worse you feel. OCD demands certainty- but there will never be enough to satisfy it. So you get caught up in this endless loop. Are you doing ERP? It can be so helpful to work with a specialist in OCD and I highly recommend this so that you can create a personalized plan to gradually address your fears. There is hope and OCD can be very much manageable.
I think you're right about it becoming a compulsion. Like you said, the more I do it the worse I feel, the more I doubt. I am actually meeting with my specialist today.
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. OCD can be exhausting. It’s great to identify when recording the voice notes is serving as a compulsion. You could decide to resist doing that when you feel anxious about a future trigger. Or, if listening to the voice responses itself causes anxiety, you could do it as an exposure and use non engagement responses to deal with the obsessive thoughts about “am I in denial” etc. Are you in therapy or interested in trying it? If so you can always schedule a free consultation with NOCD.
I relate sooo much. It really feels like you can't win and youre "going crazy" 😔 that is my main concern is am i in denial?
Exactly. Even with proof your mind won't let up and it makes MD feel like I'm delusional.
this will sound very confusing… One of my compulsions to relieve my anxiety is to take notes what I did today (suffering from compulsive checking OCD / false memory cheating OCD). Now I found a note from 12/29/20 where I wrote „OCD is telling me that a guy (I‘ve dated last year) is here but we did nothing.“ Now I‘m anxious and irritated by my note and OCD sees that as proof that I invited this guy. It sounds like I admitted it. Now OCD wants me to confess it to my boyfriend. I‘m at rock bottom right now 🥺 I was feeling so great since my last therapy session and each false memory of the last months disappeared.
Hello, I’m new here. I don’t have a formal diagnosis, just sharing my experiences with my obsessive thoughts. The only compulsion I really have is note taking. I feel the need to hoard most of my thoughts and write extensive to do lists, even scolding myself in notes like “be better!” or “STOP being the way you are.” When driving or unavailable to write things down, I have to repeat the thoughts in my head so I won’t forget until I can “save” them. Does anyone else have any experience with this fear of forgetting/not living the perfect life? My notes also revolve around anything someone might causally mention, taking turmeric for example. Will I ever incorporate that into my routine? No, but I write it down just in case because otherwise I’m convinced I won‘t live a healthy, fulfilling life. This all started when I lost a relative and also my house. I wonder if those losses made me subconsciously afraid to lose more? I don’t know. On the bright side, my current medication has been helping my depression. I am able to function and get out of bed, for the most part. But when I am in class or work, I have such crippling self doubt. I don’t feel like I am capable of anything. I don’t trust myself with any tasks. It really gets me down, my thoughts just spiral and I can’t see myself being able to hold down a job that involves working with people…that leads to more note taking of how I can improve. I get such anxiety if I don’t know every little thing there is to know, necessary or not. I get so caught up in it that I can’t even do the bare minimum I DO know without messing up. Even my class notes are full of irrelevant notes from my obsessive thoughts that appear during a lesson, and a girl that sits near me laughs because of how crazy my notebook looks.
Does anyone else ever feel like they can't write down anything that has to do with their OCD? (even making this post is hard and I'll probably delete it) I feel like when I put things into words or write it down either way it makes it more real and so I avoid it. Also, I had a realization and I want to see if this is accurate.... When I have a thought, whether it be valid concern or something wildly made up, if I take a moment and think about this thought and if I don't I'll have anxiety, is that a mental compulsion? I always thought I wasn't really doing mental compulsions but sometimes I hide in the bathroom to try and sort out my thoughts so I must be doing them. I always feel like I'll forget the progress I've made in my thought process since my mind is always going 24/7 so I have to fully think it out before I can let it go. And then when my mind comes back to it, I start the process over.
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