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I’ve been struggling with sexual ocd, im 13 btw so it’s only clear that this would happen at some point😡😡 anyway it’s Christmas Day and I’ve BASICLY been crying the whole time. I’ve always been close with my mum especially since I’ve been Ill and of course my ocd has decided to take a hold on that, I always thought I could tell her anything and and feel safe with her but this is somthing I can’t bring myself to talk about with her she’s knows what’s going on and she’s encouraged me to talk to her but I can’t do it. I’ve been having sexual intrusive thoughts about her and it’s horrible I’ve been having thoughts fetishising mother daughter relationships, lesbian and men realationships, r@pe etc. and I’ve heard of the groinal sensation but I’m scared what I’m experiencing isn’t the same thing like I generally think if I wanted to I could masturbate to any of theese thoughts, I know it in fact. And that terrifies me especially since I’ve thought of some those before on purpose. I feel like there not even intrusive thoughts and I’m just a creep. I think if wither away and die without hugs and now I can’t get any my ocd has taken away the one thing I feel safe with I’ve never felt so alone and scared. I would never hurt anyone but that dosent make all theese wierd wrong sexual fantasies any more ok right? Please help me I know reassurance is proven as bad but I haven’t had any and I’m too scared and tired of fighting so please just this once help me feel less insane whenever I’ve made posts like this before no one replies☹️I hope your Christmas is going better than mine 💓

"Pure" OCD

OCDWarrior25

Date posted: 2y

Hi Sophie, I think I commented on a post of yours yesterday. I did offer reassurance then but the problem with that is that OCD always wants more. That is why therapists guide you against reassurance - it wires your brain into giving importance to the thought when really is deserves none. I will say though that nothing at all you have said here is unusual. I hope it might help you to know that. It is all the classic behaviour of OCD. OCD is just telling you that it is not. I am very sorry to hear that your Xmas day is being so affected. Know you are not alone in that. OCD is often exacerbated during holidays. It is great that your mother is supportive. Try as much as you can to accept her support as you deserve it and it will also serve as exposure. Also, remember that the need to confess is also OCD. Confessing the thoughts is unlikely to result in any relief. Lastly, do seek out therapy, it is has a very high success rate. Recovery is very achievable.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

Oh wow I could never imagine going through what you are going through at thirteen and I commend you for being so brave about it! Sexuality is very complicated and for the most part I wouldn’t be too worried about it. I have had POCD and other thoughts surrounding my family and I was even hospitalized for being so afraid of myself to a point where I would have rather self harm then harm anyone else wether that be emotionally or physically. This is how I felt with it/ approached it: your brain knows that you are (in some capacity) afraid of sex or the thoughts you are having surrounding sex. And then on the other hand, your ocd is well aware that you love your mother. Now ocd likes to do this thing where they make a big “thought salad” lol between the things you care about and the things you fear. So of course it makes sense you feel this way. Ocd is trolling you and you just have to troll it back. When ocd throws something scary at you take a moment to think about it and how ridiculous it sounds (as hard as that may be) don’t take it too seriously and almost talk back to it

Sophie :)

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Thank you so much !!

lemon tears

Date posted: 25w

Anyone suffer from kink related sexual ocd?

(25f have always felt I was hetero) I feel like my experience is uncommon and it makes me feel like the world is crashing down. I used to privately act on a kink that’s extremely uncommon, an involuntary thing people do everyday. It was a kink that was NEVER in the real world. I’d act on it every now and then through erotica or when I was younger, videos…then at some point grew an awareness that this was weird and only stuck to erotica. When people did this involuntary act irl I would be grosses out, annoyed, feel nothing or would have this little thought in the background that “ew germs”. Especially my parents I was often annoyed when they did it. For the past 8 months I’ve continuously have feared what my sexual feelings are towards family, friends and children when they do this act that I used to have a kink towards. I had the thought “well I don’t think I really want this kink in this new relationship” then I thought “wait…am I acknowledging this is a real thing for me? If so what does that say about this kink happening in the real world? Are you attracted to anyone doing the act? What about children? Or mom?!” Especially my mom, I fear what I will feel if she does this involuntary act and that I may at some point give in and feel inappropriate feelings towards her/pleasure myself to her doing the act. It’s so bad that I will mentally create scenarios of her and others doing the kink in the exact sexual ways that turned me on to see if it will arouse me. I worry that being annoyed towards my parents, especially my mom doing this act in the past was because I was in denial and was masking that it actually turned me on. You can’t ever fully get rid of kinks and although I don’t act on this one anymore…I worry and fear that bc I haven’t acted on it, it’s attaching to family, friends and even children in the way of fantasies and that the only reason I feel despair, shame, guilt, disgust and fear is only because of what others would think of me. Not what I actually think. In the beginning I was so filled with disgust, guilt, shame and fear that I ran away from home then admitted myself to a psych ward last summer hoping it would help (plot twist, didn’t.) I’m suicidal, I cry multiple times a day. Every thought I have I don’t trust and worry what they actually mean. Every thought of any kind. My mom and I used to be so so so close. She was my best friend and I avoid her a lot now because I fear I have a sexual disorder and am uncontrollably attracted to her. I miss her much I’m crying while typing this. My mom has only done the involuntary act around me a few times in the past 8 months and each time the arousal was so strong I felt like I was dissociating with how horrible my life has become. The worst part is…the arousal itself feels really good compared to the arousal I get around my bf…except with him I don’t feel extreme anxiety and despair when I’m aroused. I have so many other thoughts too and it makes it so hard to be in the moment and enjoy my bf, family and friends. I feel like a monster…

tayanominous

Date posted: 25w

I’m scared does anyone else have these thoughts?

TW!!!! TW! Not talking abt SOCD in talking abt those really gross intrusive thoughts about sexual things with family ,friends, animals, random people. Mine is with family specifically my mom and I am so scared and my OCD is saying I actually want these thoughts to happen irl. I’m scared and these thoughts aren’t just the average incest thoughts there are sooo messed up it crazy, a few weeks ago I gas a thought that I was pregnant with that family member I mentioned before and I know ewwwwww wtf it’s sooo bad and I’m scared ppl will judge me for it in here or my therapist I’m so scared and it keeps adding to this thought like what it would be like if that were true and it’s sounds so crazy and gross and f****d up I feel so guilty and scared and I don’t wanna do ERP cuz I’m scared worse thoughts will come and your probably think well I can’t get worse then that but unfortunately it probably could anyways I’m sorry for ranting and pls pls reply cuz I feel rlly alone cuz I feel like no one gets THESE thoughts aghhh 😖

Legends123.

Date posted: 23w

Please help

Hello everyone, forgive my bad English since it is not my native language, I have been suffering from OCD for 6 years now. It started with being afraid of harming my loved ones and soon it escalated. All of this leads us here towards sexual obsessions. I was abused many times when I was a child. I don't know if that had any impact on my sexual issues. so everything lead up to a intrusive tought of what would happend if i touch myself with a picture of your parents" and I ended up paying attention to the intrusive tought and i ended up doing what my intrusive tought told me so i said to me "OCD would make me touch myself for everything i loved so what, i would do it before the anxiety attacks" and I end up in a spiral of having touched myself by several photos of my family members, friends and even my own therapist all wanting to prevent future compulsions and anxiety now I only think about taking my life, I never wanted that to happen I am not a monster who has sexual desire towards my loved ones I fell under my own intrusive thought and the only thing I think about now is taking my life life for what I've done

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