Ok so just now I got a really bad intrusive thought it was “what if I’m actually gay” but I’m trying to handle it as good as I can. I’m always nervous that I don’t actually have ocd and I’m just denying that I’m gay. I almost did a compulsion, it was to look at pictures of girls (not naked just normal pictures) to see if I was attracted to them in a way that I would be considered a lesbian, but I stopped myself. I’m going to allow these thoughts to sit and make me upset. I’m not anxious but I think that’s just because I’m getting over the thoughts. I’m not going to look through this app and try to find reassurance I’m going to make sure I don’t make myself feel better. I’m home alone right now so my thoughts are wondering, I’m thinking a lot. I’m going to play games to kind of separate my thoughts, and make myself feel calm. Games have always been a big part of my life, I love games so that will bring me joy. I wanted to post this just so I could show myself that I can get through hard times, and hopefully this will help someone else!

I’m new to this app and just wanted to share my story. As a young girl I definitely had compulsions. My mom always told me she would take me to a psychiatrist (I would cry when people sat on my bed). Anyways, as I got older I definitely grew out of a lot of things. I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD but I have GAD. I know I definitely have OCD because I have done a lot of research. Recently I have really, really been struggling with HOCD. I’ve never experienced this before, and that’s why it’s making it more scary. I’m a young adult woman and have been in a very serious relationship with a male for many years. I love him so much. I am also very athletic and not very girly. I always loved the fact that I was a guys gal, but lately it has made me super insecure. A lot of people at school assume I’m bisexual because I’m super pro LGBTQ rights and idk? Idk why I give off that “vibe”. It never bothered me, I always thought it was funny, and I have no issue with being gay, but I’m definitely not?! During this quarantine my guy friends have said I have way way more guy friends than girl friends, someone asked my teammate if I was bisexual, and I have never had an orgasm from my boyfriend. It started really getting in my head and I keep being like “am I gay and that’s why I don’t orgasm”. This seems so pathetic and writing this actually helps and makes me realize there is no way I like women. But anyways THE THOUGHTS DO NOT STOP. I keep worrying that I do not know myself, and maybe I don’t love my bf, and maybe other people see something I don’t. Anyways, how can I help myself? I am noticing I’m reassuring and checking and starting compulsions

Hi guys, Straight female here. Having a tough night. I guess I'm ruminating on how this OCD started, I was browsing an app and came across half naked anime girls and I guess sexual images in general arouse me (I'm not sure why), but then I froze and told myself "oh my God, I must be a lesbian and I can't be with my boyfriend anymore." Ever since then, I've been checking and checking and checking some more. I've managed to not research anything (which I'm proud of), but it's just so unbearable, I'm worried I'm somehow in denial or something because the thoughts at first didn't really give me much anxiety but now I'm very stressed out. I keep thinking about my past and if I was a normal "straight" person, and wondering if I'm somehow actually a lesbian. I keep having awful dreams about it. Ironically, I can still be intimate with my boyfriend and somewhat enjoy sex but other times not so much and my brain tells me I am lying to myself. I keep trying to reassure myself that I'm not homosexual. I can't even fall asleep tonight. I checked my stress levels on my health app and its through the roof. I just want to feel like I used to and be confident about my identity, but my brain tells me that I only enjoyed sex with my boyfriend back then because it was new and exciting and just a fling. Before all this, I was only ever attracted to men and only had male crushes. Now, I find it hard to even understand what's going on and I find more comfort in wondering if I'm just asexual so that I don't have to deal with it. I'm physically shaking writing about this because I feel so hopeless. Just a few hours ago, I thought I had a breakthrough and I was feeling alright. I accepted the thoughts as they were and I was going along with it. But now it's triggered again because I'm not sure if they're intrusive thoughts or me being in denial, because I keep having to reassure myself that I'm not homosexual and that I'm attracted to men. The guilt of how it all started is keeping me from moving on because it is somehow proof that I am not straight. This is awful. It feels good to write it out. Thanks for reading.

I’ve actually tried writing this multiple times and keep getting scared. Scared because - I don’t want to be the exception. I recognize that this is typical OCD, but my OCD has been manifesting itself not in anxiety - mostly it’s just this dull nagging feeling. This feeling says that I know I’m gay - it’s like I can feel that it’s true. Yet it’s not a clarity - it just feels like this truth that I don’t want to accept. Writing this and not erasing it - is in a way an exposure so I’m going to post this. Because as I reread it, I’m scared that if I post it - people will read it and be like- oh yes that is different from everyone else. I think she’s actually gay. I try to accept the thoughts as they are - thoughts, but then things like friends will comment about cute guys and suddenly I’m reminded that maybe I don’t notice guys as much as them therefore : I’m gay. I’m trying to lean into the uncertainty - just this dull nagging starts drilling in deep overtime.