I wanna break up with my partnerā¦ I canāt take this anymoreā¦ I constantly asking if I wanna break up testing, if I wanna break up, if I am not in love, or if I even love him anymoreā¦ I want to save the relationship so badly b it it doesnāt seem I want thatā¦ I donāt wanna break upā¦ I donāt wanna say goodbyeā¦ I know I love my baby. š¢
You said it in your post, youāre constantly testing if you wanna break up. You also mentioned you come on here and Reddit for answers. You have identified 3 compulsions right there. You are stuck in a loop because you keep seeking out reassurance. The only way to move forward is to stop doing those compulsions as tough as it will be and is. No one here can give you an absolute answer that you are seeking and the anxiety is awful but you have to try to do things differently if you want out of this loop.
@Anonymous Iām scared!! š°š° I know I donāt wanna break up. I know I want to have my happy
@7710 ā¤ļø Moments back again
I want hope that if I confess my feelings and knowing I love him would bring back the truth that I still love him a lot. I am pushing him awayā¦ š I never wanted this to happen..
Is being in love just a feeling? I still show him love despite feeling like this. I still say I love you to him. I give him head rubs, cuddles, kisses, buy him chocolate milk and snacks.. just I am stuck believing I actually wanna break upā¦ I must have hope if I am still posting on here or looking up answersā¦ Pleaseā¦ I still show love I donāt know if I am just scared to end it scared about hurting him
@7710 ā¤ļø i am learning myself that love is in fact not just a feeling, but also a choice and more a feeling of ease and safety rather than feeling 'in love'
@ObiWanA you should watch "awaken into love" videos on youtube, she had rocd and felt the same way as you do
@ObiWanA https://youtu.be/cnkmKWdHH_s especially this one
@ObiWanA I saw that video before. I watched a decent amount of her videos.. but it didnāt helpā¦ I canāt even say nice things about my partner right now.. of all the peopleā¦ in my lifeā¦ heās been there for me. My family I know I donāt love them that much compared to him.., why canāt I just stop loving themā¦ my partner is my baby. We talked about some of our issues and he is working on them. I keep thinking the grass is greenerā¦ I remember I almost broke up years ago due to anxiety and obsessing. I wanted to get rid of my pain but I stood strong. Now I am weakā¦ I canāt do this anymoreā¦ I obsessed about my partner providingā¦ he does provide even when he basically has no money. I am the one in debt due to my bad spending and I am pointing the finger at him when itās not his faultā¦ he tells me not to bad things I donāt need.. but I donāt listenā¦ I cuddled against his leg before I left for work bc I just wanted to be close to him..
@7710 ā¤ļø i am really sorry you are going through this, i struggle myself with rocd and itās hard, not feeling any feelings etcā¦ ive seen a lot of your posts and you said you were going to therapy soon? are you doing erp right now by yourself? it might help, thatās what im doing because im not doing to therapy
@7710 ā¤ļø i know itās hard but you are seeking a lot of reassurance and itās not helping ocd at all:(
@ObiWanA I am gonna see my doctor next week on the 6th to see what I can do. Gonna ask to be put on meds. Gonna see if Prozac or Zoloft will work.. I just want my happy moments backā¦.
@7710 ā¤ļø i hope it helps! will try erp as well? iāve heard it is the best way to manage ocd
@ObiWanA I want to try but donāt have enough money.. I wanna try the better help app.. I am so numb right nowā¦ I need help badlyā¦ there are times I cry asking for help. What makes things hard isā¦ I canāt think of anything positive about my partner.. when I do itās like I am lying.. I have to still hope if I am still coming on here or on Reddit looking for answers.. I still tell him I love him. But I canāt tell if itās true anymore bc deep down I am massively confused.. I asked if I am in love with him and I canāt answer it bc I am so numbed out..
@7710 ā¤ļø you can do erp by yourself, thatās what im doing so itās free!
@7710 ā¤ļø like you say on your profil if you truly wanted to leave you wouldāve left already, i know you canāt feel your feelings for him but that doesnāt mean you donāt love him, even if you see him negatively right now itās all ocd
@7710 ā¤ļø donāt ask yourself if you love him or not, donāt try to figure out youāre only making it worse, you can be feel better im sure you can! really try not to post too much because i believe it has become a compulsion and you are seeking reassurance, that can only make ocd worse!
@ObiWanA i know how hard it is but you have to make that effort! i wish you to feel better you can do it
@ObiWanA š¢š¢ thank you ššš
@ObiWanA Itās hard bc how do I get rid of the wanting to break up feeling and when I donāt do how do I get rid of the feeling of not wanting to hurt him? š
@7710 ā¤ļø you have to desensitize yourself through it by sitting with the anxiety and you will have less and less thoughts about it or even if you still have them they wont bother you
@ObiWanA ā¦.if I donāt get bothered by them and still have themā¦ doesnāt that mean I wanna break upā¦?
@7710 ā¤ļø sorry for the late response! no it doesnāt mean that at all, it means you are allowing the thoughts to be there because unfortunately we will always have thoughts but they donāt mean something
@ObiWanA Iām gonna try my best to sit with it. It got worse when I thought I had a crush on a coworker that I donāt even talk to at all.. š Iām worried Iām in love with this coworker when I know I am not š I think thatās why I am stuck itās another reason why I wanna leave my job.. I have other reasons but thatās one of the biggest reasons. My brain knows it bothers me. I really do love my partner a lot. I just never wanna think I love another man anymore when I KNOW I donāt. I know this was caused by ROCD I just want it to stop
My happy momentsā¦ I want them backā¦m
I realized Iāve depended a lot on my boyfriend for comfort through my ocd, and Iām starting to feel like even before my ocd I was paying more attention to the relationship itself more than him, or the attachment: even though I remember distinct feelings of me wanting to be with him forever, and feeling so happy and complete with him, time didnāt exist, I felt like my most authentic self. So now Iām trying to create a healthy attachment and see him as his own person, which was helping at first, but now it feels as if Iām seeing that I donāt actually love him for him, the thought of moving forward in life without him breaks my heart and I donāt want to but my mind keeps telling me that I want it because of the attachment. Heās the exact type of person and partner I would want but it feels like whatever I feel is not enough.. But I DO experience moments of affection and care and admiration for him but they donāt last long..before I started making this shift in perspective even with the ocd I was still so sure and confident in moving forward with him, I felt so much like I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. But now that Iāve made this shift it feels like Iām seeing him from a whole different place. Like all those good and happy feelings I had for him are gone now and I donāt have any confidence in what I want anymore. Before I did feel confident that I wanted to be with him but now it feels like thereās this wall between him and me :( I want to be with him I know I do, because even now I still feel the desire to keep going, but I canāt see the future anymore or the confidence to keep going. I was never much of a future thinker, even in my personal life but this feels like added proof I feel like Iām alone in this like no one else has this situation and the chances for me to realize after I recover that I donāt actually love him are so much higher š
my thoughts are screaming at me telling me that i dont want my relationship anymore and that i realized i lost feelings. i have a beautiful relationship of two years with a beautiful boy that loves me dearly and i deal with this thoughs for a year and a half. Im so scared it feels so real im scared i have changed and my last therapy session made it worse she basically told me i have to realise the thoughts are true and stop lying to myself. And made me think i am so scared and heartbroken bc i put high expectations on myslef to be with my boyfriend for all my life. Maybe i dont want to hurt him??? im always questioning my feelings for him 24/7 for over a year. I wm tierd
I know itās long but plz read :( have been having really bad ocd about my relationship and my partner and it has gotten worse and worse over the span of like about nine months Iād say. I do acknowledge there are flaws and legit issues about him and the relationship like there are with anyone but I also know ocd has clouded my judgement and perception by analyzing everything and compulsions. For a while I kept feeling this need to get out which I know was ocd. I was really scared to spend the weekend with him because I thought I would just be annoyed and irritated cause itās been that way for a while but he also was going through a period of high stress so maybe I was resenting him for that and I also wasnāt communicating how I should have been when I was upset because Iāve done that too much in the past. This weekend I was told in therapy to just be in the moment and not have to worry about trying to answer the question of do I love him or should I break up. It did help but Itās weird cause this weekend ended up better but I also was kind of numb? Like I was enjoying myself but didnāt feel what I always have felt in the past? Anyway, I am really anxious because i feel like if I loved him I would be supportive of when his parents compliment him or when he does well at something when instead all I think of are that Iām not happy or annoyed because of things he does that upset me or make me mad and itās like thatās the only way my brain wants to see him as a person. Or when he is upset it feels like I donāt care like I used to because I think of how he doesnāt deserve this when he does this or he shouldnāt have this when he is like this etc. Why does my brain automatically go there? Thatās horrible! I feel like I should be excited for him, rooting for him. But it also feels like I do care for him? But my thoughts keep changing. I am afraid I only am with him because I love that he loves me and how he treats me. This makes me feel selfish cause I canāt do that. I notice I still like when he cuddles me and is sweet to me and does fun things watching movies etc. And thatās not how it used to feeel which scares me because I donāt want to be without him. I also love his parents am I only with him cause of how his parents treat me? I feel so selfish and like I have to tell him and break up with him cause itās the right thing to do. I never used to feel like this. Iām scared. Is it possible Iām just Iāve been mad and resenting how itās been cause heās been stressed mix with my ocd? My therapist said relationships can go through phases. Can I fall back in love with him again? I feel like I have to try to start with someone else like this is too far gone. I donāt want to stay in something where I donāt feel toward him the way I want to but I really donāt want to leave him. I feel like such an awful person cause he doesnāt deserve this and is so caring and loving despite everything the major thing that bugs me is how he gets irritable a lot which is an imperfection that makes me get anxious and question himš trying not to read into this and just follow what the therapist said but this is scaring me because I feel like if I loved him I wouldnāt think like this or feel like this.
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