feeling terrible

@slayit this brought tears to my eyes. thank you so much for commenting this, i now know that i am not alone. this is such a difficult and horrible experience and i am sorry that you have also been suffering. i will apply this to my upcoming days. thank you so much again for this, you have no idea how much this has helped already. happy new year and keep fighting❤️

@nataroonie 🥹 you’re definitely not alone. I’m so so glad my words could help even a little bit. It helps me feel like my suffering has been worth it to help others through such confusing and painful thoughts! Happy new year to you too 💜

@slayit especially when they’re so difficult to sit through. this has caused me to even feel scared around the people i love, including my boyfriend. so trust me, i have been suffering for a very very long time. and these thoughts suck!!! let’s not allow OCD to win us over. thank you, dearest!❤️

@nataroonie YES, totally know what you mean. I love my boyfriend so much, but when the thoughts start, they’re so difficult to shake. They can end up scaring him, too, which makes me feel even worse about all of it. The dark times just make the light even brighter when I feel clarity and know that everything is okay. Thank YOU!! 🫶

@slayit i relate to that VERY VERY much. i hate when he gets scared due to me explaining what’s scaring me. my boyfriend reminds me that he won’t ever hurt me or force me into anything. it’s like, we know how great they are but the OCD part keeps giving you horrific thoughts. they’re absolutely difficult to shake off. update on today: i tried my best to not engage in ruminating. i still feel a bit off, but i’m trying to stay in the present moment. hope you are doing great as well! 🤗

@nataroonie That’s amazing you worked so hard to have a better day yesterday! I’ve been struggling today, lots of big changes in my life have translated into more anxiety and OCD, mainly going after my relationship. Fears that he’s not “the one” paired with dreams that I cheated on him with a coworker have just not made it an easy few days lol. I keep trying to remind myself that I don’t have to figure this out. That it’s just OCD trying to get me to figure it out, but in reality if I didn’t want to be with my boyfriend, I would simply break up with him. UGH so tiring to constantly worry. I hope this brain dumb isn’t triggering for you! This is totally all just my own mind. What’s helped you stay present the past few days?

@slayit i am so sorry to hear that yesterday wasn’t as great. i do hope today was better (even if it was a tiny bit). not the dreams!! i have been there with mostly all my themes and i can tell you that they’re the worst. it increases the anxiety. all i can say is to sit with that uncomfortable feeling and acknowledge that you had an iffy dream. don’t engage or give it meaning. our minds are machines that gather nonsense information sometimes. i know how tiring that constant worry is. i am so sorry that you’re going through this. i myself had a terrible day yesterday and cried so so much to my boyfriend how im afraid he’ll abuse me. of course, he was so worried but helped me and talked to me. which helped immensely. no no! you are perfectly fine. i hope that nothing i say is triggering. i have tried to focus on what’s right in front of me and go on with whatever i am doing despite having intrusive thoughts.

@nataroonie Thank you for your kind message! Yesterday and today have been much better for me today. I’m trying to focus on healthy habits like yoga in the morning and a walk in the afternoon, and the physical exercise seems to be helping my mental ruminations! Still hard, but not as much. I’m so sorry to hear that you had such an awful day. I’ve been there and I hope today has been better! I’ll repeat advice you gave to me: “sit with the uncomfortable feeling, don’t engage or give it meaning. Our minds are machines that gather nonsense information sometimes.” Seriously so helpful to remember. Sending love! ✨

@slayit i am so so glad to hear that. very happy for you! i know how difficult it is to try to focus on something else other than the loud thoughts. i like the idea of yoga and taking walks, i might have to do that today :) thank you for mentioning that. also, remember that recovery isn’t linear, you’re doing great! these past days have been awful. i have been avoiding my boyfriend so much and feel so icky, it sucks. he touched me sexually at night while i was sleeping and i panicked and i told him to please not touch me. he listened. i felt so horrible and these scary thoughts started popping up. was that assault? was that abuse? am i abused? am i suppose to be with this person? i talked to him and he was the most understanding and he told me he is just comfortable with me but that he respects what i have to say. it sucks because im not looking forward to intimacy anymore due to the fear. i’m sorry if this is a little triggering. i just don’t know what to do since it’s been on my mind 24/7. i’m trying to sit with this uncomfortable feeling and not engage with my mind. but, like you said - it’s very difficult. thank you for reminding of that! i appreciate you for answering me also. i hope your days continue to be good! 🤗

@nataroonie That definitely sounds difficult, I’m so sorry it’s been so hard lately. I would say: focus on your coping mechanisms. Focus on calming down, because living in the constant state of panic won’t help anything. I know that’s easier said than done, but you’ve gotten through so much in the past and I know you are okay, regardless of what happened with your boyfriend. I am a bit triggered with this, but I hope you can reach out to your therapist to discuss and hopefully feel more calm. I will say whenever I’ve been super triggered sexually, my therapists in the past have suggested I take sex completely off the table for at least a week to just take the pressure off if that makes sense. So so sorry you’re going through this, but sending you all the good vibes ❤️

@slayit you truly have no idea how much your words have helped me. i really really thank you for this. focusing on the panic will just make things worse, you’re right. oh no, i am sorry! we’ve just shared helpful mechanisms, which is why i mentioned my feelings. i am rooting for you and hope that the triggers get less and less scary. remember: you are not your thoughts! focus on the things you love and be kind to yourself. thank you again. sending you wonderful energy and hugs! ❤️ if you’d like to reach out, i am here! :)

@nataroonie Hi nat! Sorry for my silence, had to distance myself from this app as seeing everyone’s different OCD was getting a bit triggering. I’m so so happy my words were able to help you. Your words have helped me too, thank you! I’ve been doing pretty well up till tonight and some old stuff got brought up along with lots of “what if” questions that feel hard to avoid. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow so hoping that’s helpful and doesn’t make it worse 😅 How have you been? I’ve been sending you positive vibes!

@slayit hi! no worries, i know how triggering this app could be. it’s good to stay off of it for a while before coming back. proud of you for doing so! :) i’m so glad they did! i can’t thank you enough for sharing your kindness. i’m sorry to hear you haven’t been doing so great tonight. you can always share with me if you ever need helpful coping mechanisms or non-engagement responses to these idiotic thoughts! i’m rooting for your appointment to go well. the therapists here are wonderful and more than understanding. you are in good hands! 🤗 i have been okay. better than last week, that’s for sure. i’ve been experiencing lots of sadness and frustration with my parents. however, everything is going wonderful with my boyfriend now after lots of communication and help from my therapist. i appreciate your positive vibes and for reaching out!

@Headwontstop🤍 it would fall under that category. but this is mostly having intrusive thoughts if i was abused or coerced. trying to figure out the answer by replaying past events. i’m trying to stay in the present moment and not ruminate.