Ever since my OCD started when I was 14 (I’m 26 now), I get the biggest relief from confessing to my mother. It is getting harder as the years pass to resist the urge. I always feel like confessing all of my past mistakes and sins, even though a lot of it will upset her. But I always get a wave of calm across my body every time I get reassurance or a reaction from her. Idk why at 26 I feel guilty not telling my mom everything. I don’t even know anymore when it is appropriate to vent to her like a daughter and when it’s my OCD telling me to seek reassurance for the wrong reasons. I think of my past mistakes and feel so guilty around my mother.

okay so, i had this friend i met in the 8th grade when i was 13 when we became friends and my nickname for her was “red” and i had a crush on this friend before we became friends and once we became friends the crush faded away and i just grew a close platonic friendship with her and no longer has any crush or attraction or romantic interest in her. then i got a girlfriend named lisa in the 8th grade also and we were all friends and hung out but that summer going into highschool lisa broke up with me, we dated only for 2 months so you know it wasnt a big deal. and my friend “red” she and my other friend lana we are a trio and they helped me move on from that. then i started 9th grade (my freshman year of highschool) and i went into this year thinking i was gonna stay best friends with this trio but we ended up splitting paths but me and my friend “red” always had a more special bond in the trio we were like the duo because we trauma bonded and dealt with mental health problems. and in the end of my first semester i fell in love with this girl named riley (who became my 3 year serious relationship) and i love this girl so much i met her when i was 15 and she was 14, me and riley (who is my current partner) were very toxic during freshman sophomore and junior year. she was very insecure over my ex from the 8th grade who i didnt care about because she was my first girlfriend. and she was also very insecure over my friend “red” because she was my best friend during the time i was with my ex and she reminds her of my ex for some reason. i still wanted to be friends with “red” at the time and we would get into numerous fights about that. she would control me and who i was friends with and said i couldnt be friends with her and i felt so awful and defeated bc i had a close bond with this friend. she then gave me an ultimatum of either her or my former best friend and i chose my partner obviously but she was so in her head i think that she still broke up with me for like 3 days and that day she broke up with me i had to go home with her since she was my ride home and i was broken and she was obviously angry and i was crying while we were walking out of school and then she stormed off without me all upset and my other guy friend and his girlfriend saw me and went up to me to comfort me and asked what was wrong and i told them she broke up with me and then my partner yells my name very upset from across the street comes back and grabs my arm aggressively and drags me past everyone very aggressively and angry while telling me to stop crying because her mom is going to be upset and ask questions and i felt so bad. we got into the car and i had to try my best not to cry and my partner who was visibly upset a few seconds ago just completely smiled at her mom and asked how her day was with such a happy tone of voice and i was completely in shock. hours later since we were broken up i texted my former friend “red” (the one who my partner broke up with me over) and told her i needed emotional support that reyna had dumped me and i needed a friend. and she came over and talked to me. that was all nothing romantic. and then 2 days later my partner says we are back together and i was happy but felt guilty because i hung out with my friend who she dumped me over. Now years later im still with this partner after many splits but we are finally healthy and healing and shes been super supportive and there for me and loving during my recent journey discovering my ocd. i have been confessing over and over many past mistakes or things i thought were mistakes. i last confessed something on monday and ive been feeling better and relieved after confessing up until yesterday when i remembered a past mistake (which was what i just shared) and now i cant stop ruminating on it and feeling guilty and feel the need to confess this to my partner but i learned that confessing is my ocd compulsion and if i give into it ill be feeding my ocd and not breaking the cycle. but im also feeling conflicted on if i should genuinely let her know and confess because i feel what i did that time was wrong but i dont want to give into my ocd but also what if i basically cheated on my partner by doing that and if i tell her that i did what i did even tho i didnt cheat but i told her i never liked this person even tho i had a crush on the former friend and tried to get my partner to let me keep this friendship because its not like i like her romantically which is true i dont but i used to. so i feel like i betrayed her even especially by hanging out with her so now i dont know if i should tell her or if its my ocd and i dont have to share absolutely everything especially if its in the past. i dont want to lose my partner and im scared if i keep confessing it will ruin our relationship and drive her away but it will also make me lose myself and my own privacy and also feed my ocd and compulsions but im scared if i dont confess ill never stop thinking about it and i will feel like im lying to my partner and like i cheated and i wont be able to enjoy the good moments and the present because im stuck on my past “mistakes” and now im scared ill have the end my relationship to feel better but that will hurt me more but im scared if i stay im just going to try to avoid my partner in fear ill confess or feel the urge to confess every time we speak. i dont know what to do im completely lost this is the hardest thing ive ever dealt with and i have a lot ive dealt with in my life already. im barely 17 i havent had a year of a break

I can’t help but feel so anxious because of guilt. I feel guilty about not sharing everything about my OCD to my partner, but because I understand that confession itself is a compulsion and would not help anyone. I feel so anxious too that if all my fears come true and she finds out, then it would be so devastating for everyone especially her. Does anyone feel the same thing? How could I change my perspective on this?

Does anyone feel the urge to confess secrets even though they’re not yours to share? My husband told me about a traumatic event he had and trusts me to keep the secret. It has NOTHING to do with me at all. And my brain is making me feel like I need or want to tell someone. I want to be trustworthy and my brain is making me feel like I’m not because of this obsession. It’s so confusing because I know I don’t need to but I feel like I “want to” because of the OCD anxiety? And the feeling of wanting to makes me feel more anxious and like a terrible person. I have confessed literally everything to my mom about my thoughts so she’s my safe person. And I had an emotionally abusive dad (probably how I got OCD at a young age - like 8 years old) that has now passed away. So confiding in her even with intrusive thoughts and messed up shit was safe for me. Does my brain feel like I need to tell her just because she’s my safe person? I hate the feeling of me “wanting” to tell at all too and can’t tell if it’s real and it’s making me feel like a horrible person. I literally have no secrets myself. His mom knows and so do I. So I’m not the only one that knows. But why is my brain doing this? It’s spiraling me out and has been for a few days. But I want to keep the secret because it’s HIS and it doesn’t affect me in any way. I mean sure I feel bad for him - but it’s from his past before we even met? Someone please help me rationalize why I feel these things and why it’s so confusing to know if you actually “want” to do something or if it’s OCD? It’s causing a deep anxiety pit in my stomach and has been for days now.