anxiousmollusk

Date posted: 2y

frustrating ROCD pattern

y’all, some of my mental compulsions (making up scenarios and checking) have gotten so automatic following triggers that I don’t even experience the feeling of anxiety that originally led me to start doing this compulsion… …now it’s the realizing that I’m doing the compulsion that causes me anxiety. (for example, sometimes my partner will express something kind to me. I’ll briefly smile and appreciate it, but I’ll automatically imagine “well, what if it were someone else instead of him? would you like that better?” and briefly imagine that scenario and check how I’m feeling. sometimes I don’t even get all the way through checking because I’m disgruntled that I’ve done the scenario thing without realizing I’ve taken that mental step.) so, I don’t know how to catch myself between the trigger and the compulsion, in order to sit with the feeling of discomfort, if it’s just a habit at this point, where there’s barely a feeling to sit with at all until after the compulsion occurs. but I still don’t want these mental patterns following me around! I just want to enjoy feeling love from him and loving him back.

Relationship OCD

mirbrach

Date posted: 2y

Same here, my horrible thoughts about my husband have been constant and this has been going on for a few yrs now 🥲🥲

mirbrach

Date posted: 2y

Who knows, not sure if it helps for me, but other pple say it works. Prob worth a try.

mirbrach

Date posted: 2y

Sometimes I feel nauseous just from being near my husband. I hate it. He loves me so much, I just want to love him back.

anxiousmollusk

Date posted: 2y

@mirbrach I’m with you. You can get through this ♥️

No one you k...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I so relate to this. I just confessed an intrusive thought last week and almost lost my partner. And now I feel worse

anxiousmollusk

Date posted: 2y

@No one you know I went through a bad phase of confessing before I knew it was a compulsion and it sucked so bad. I hate the toll it took on my partner too. originally I thought I was just being a good partner by being honest but I’ve had to stop, especially since those intrusive thoughts are always a-changin… every time I have the urge to confess I try to change gears and do something else entirely. here for you ♥️♥️

No one you k...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@anxiousmollusk Thank you for that. I’ve held Onto some obsessions for years and while I’m proud I was able to, the fact that it didn’t just die off is always so disheartening. I am sure if I start truly implementing the techniques it will work, im just afraid of digging up all that stuff to get past it. You have to provoke it and that’s so intimidating to me

mirbrach

Date posted: 2y

It makes me think since the thoughts are not going away that it’s not ocd.

anxiousmollusk

Date posted: 2y

@mirbrach I think that it’s tough to rule it out, but it’s always tempting cuz we want to find that certainty. Which is of course.. part of ocd. What kind of things have you tried?

mirbrach

Date posted: 2y

Thank you 🙏 Been on all of those. So sick of trying new ones. Usually when I have tried other meds I usually can’t handle the side effects so I have been on the same ones for awhile now. Taking the ones that my gene sight test said would be best for me.

No one you k...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@mirbrach Do those work? My friend told me about those gene tests

mirbrach

Date posted: 2y

Basically eth u could think of including erp.There is something called I-cbt which is newer treatment for ocd. Haven’t tried that yet bc there is only like one provider in Ct who does it and she has no availability right now 🥲

No one you k...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@mirbrach What is that??

mirbrach

Date posted: 2y

Not sure how to describe it. Maybe look it up on the internet. Btw, I also have had harm ocd and depression on and off in severity since I was 7 and I’m 43 now. It’s exhausting to be in my brain😢

No one you k...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@mirbrach That’s a lot, I feel for you. I’ve had mine since I’m about 9 or ten and at 31 now so I can sort of relate. I’ve also had bad harm ocd. Medication helped calm that part down thankfully

mirbrach

Date posted: 2y

I’m on a lot of meds. Since my son passed away at 5 days old in 2013 eth just got worse again and stayed that way. Tried so many things including cbt, dbt, ketamine, ect, tms etc with little to no relief. I’m beyond frustrated

No one you k...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@mirbrach I’m so sorry. That’s a whole lot of stress to carry. I know they are trialing another medication currently through NOCD. I personally was sort of SSRI resistant (Luvox worked for some time and I still take it) but I had to be put on a low dose antipsychotic and it seems to have helped. I feel like over time some medications need to be changed or improved. It took a long time. I also got on Wellbutrin to counter the side effects from the Luvox. I feel for you.

cherubb

Date posted: 24w

rocd

i just realized that my relationship ocd is triggered the second i view someone as a potential partner! i just got the smallest crush on someone and immediately was checking my phone every few minutes for their messages and reading into their responses as either good or bad texts and made some tie to my worth based on how they reply or how quick! uh oh haha. just so many checking and overthinking compulsions. at least i realized this and can now bring it up in therapy to practice RPMs with my therapist!! RPMs are like life savers for my ocd, they help so much :,). i feel happy that i realized it was ocd. i used to think it was just feelings triggered by my ex and how he made me feel for three years. but now i realize it’s ocd and i can work on this which makes me feel better. i’m not sure if it “counts” as rocd but it definitely reminds me of how my rocd acts in a relationship. best of luck and big hugs to anyone who is struggling with rocd too!🎀🧚🏻‍♀️💗

Mariabae

Date posted: 24w

i feel stuck and with no feeling or emotions

i feel like I can’t even enjoy time with my boyfriend anymore. No matter what we do, I’m constantly analyzing, checking, and questioning if I love him, if I feel anything, if I even want to be with him. It’s exhausting. I don’t feel happy, I don’t feel present, and I don’t know how to fix it. I’ve read about ERP, and I know it’s supposed to help, but I don’t know how to start. I feel like my fears are too real, like maybe this isn’t just ROCD—maybe I actually don’t love him, and I’m just scared to accept it. It feels like I’m lying to myself. I know my compulsions: I constantly check my feelings, analyze past memories, compare my relationship to others, and seek reassurance. I know I’m supposed to stop doing these things, but what do I do instead? What do I do when the thoughts hit me with full force and I feel completely numb? I’m scared to sit with the uncertainty. I’m scared that if I stop checking, I’ll realize I don’t love him. I want to do ERP, but I don’t even know where to begin. Has anyone successfully gone through this? How do you deal with the fear when it feels so real?

Mariabae

Date posted: 14w

i feel so strange

hi! I broke a short period of doing well without compulsions because I got triggered again. Before this, I had about two calmer days where I didn’t spiral so much, but now everything feels worse. I’m scared that I don’t love my boyfriend as much as I used to, or that this relationship is making me feel stuck or sad. He’s a wonderful person, and I hate thinking this way. I smelled a perfume that used to make me feel calm and in love, and now it just makes me question everything. I spent hours last night searching Reddit, especially on r/ROCD, trying to see if someone is like me or if anyone has answers. I keep rereading posts, hoping I’ll feel certain about what I should do. But I just feel more confused. I keep thinking, “What if I heal and then realize I don’t love him?” or “What if I’m only staying because I feel safe with him or I’m used to him?” I feel numb sometimes, or like I’m pretending, and I hate it. I want to feel love and clarity again. I don’t know what’s real or what’s ROCD anymore. I just feel lost and afraid. I talk to hi. now and i feel so strange like i dont want to force myself i want to like him i dont understand what i feel i feel so weird in my chest

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frustrating ROCD pattern

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