I kind of don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t want to be a bad person but I’m just convinced I am. I just want to sit in my room and cry and never come out so I don’t risk hurting anyone. I just want to feel normal
My therapist used to tell me, if you really wanted to be bad would you be on this app and crying about it? Of course not, you would go out and do something bad.
we all do, and we will some day ! but until then, we have to remain hopeful. it gets hard, and its very challenging to accept the uncertainty of it all, but we’ll push through and we’ll make it out on top of ocd!
Feeling this right now too. It is helpful to know I’m not alone in it.
I completely understand where you are coming from. I’ve been there multiple times before and it really is so hard to tell yourself your not a bad person let alone convince yourself because of the thoughts your having. They make you feel like your a terrible person but let me tell you, Your not! A terrible person would go out and act on the things they are thinking about and not feel remorse or sympathy. You feel so upset for thinking the way you do. Someone who is horrible wouldn’t care. I know it’s hard to try to think positive especially when your going through so much! But don’t let your OCD! Overrule you. This is your body, your mind and your life! You have OCD but OCD isn’t you. You got this friend! I know you do! We will get through it together 💗
Hey Mpopla28! I understand this feeling. As a member of the OCD community, and as someone who works closely with OCD sufferers, I can tell you almost all of us feel this way. We feel a greater sense of responsibility. and a consistent, nagging guilt surrounding our every move! Super common. I would encoruage you to try some non-engagement on this one. Respond to those thoughts that you're a terrible person! Say, "maybe I am, maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm capable of horrible things, maybe I'm not." The time you spend in fear about possibly doing something "bad," is time you're losing! OCD steals so much time from us on a daily basis. Don't let it win <3 Sending you so much love!
I know I keep talking about This but I’m too tired :( I’m really struggling and I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I might be the only person who experiences this in the way I do. It’s gotten so bad that during intimacy or self-pleasure, I feel like I’m acting on a thought — like my body is moving because of it. It’s terrifying and deeply hurtful. The moment it happens, I immediately panic, try to rewind everything in my head, and ruminate to figure out what I was thinking at that exact second… but I can never remember. That makes it even worse. feel so lost and hopeless, like I’ll never be able to heal or move on from this. People tell me “it’s just OCD,” but it doesn’t feel like OCD to me. It feels like I’m the exception — like no one else truly experiences it like this, especially the part where it feels like I physically responded to a thought. I know people say “others go through this too,” but my mind keeps saying, “not like this, not this specific thing.”Sometimes I just wish I could go back and relive those moments so I could be sure what happened, but I know that’s not possible. I feel so stuck in guilt and doubt that I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m scared I’m a bad person and that I’ll always feel this way. I’ll never be free or be the same again everyday I live with deep depression
No I’m not attempting or anything. I am just really in a depressive state as of now. I am so convinced that my fear is real you don’t even know. I don’t know what to do. I just want to go to sleep and wake up in a reality where this is all gone. But honestly I don’t know if that would change anything. I’m scared that this is who I was all along, and I’ve just been delaying what I will eventually become. I don’t want to do ANYTHING that my intrusive thoughts say AT ALL. But honestly that doesn’t mean anything anymore. I’m so convinced of the thought “you’ve been doing it this whole time without realizing it.” I think it’s true now. I feel incredibly stuck. I just want to be hugged :(
I need to find a solution fast to stop this way I’m living but I don’t think it’s possible, I’m in a constant state of pain from being tormented with guilt and warped memories. I know some of the memories to be true and some are all jumbled together so they get warped. It kills me to not know if I’m evil or not , I’m always thinking of the bad things I did when I was like 13 and didn’t know much about what’s truly right and wrong. I just feel like such a bad bad person , I don’t want any form of relationships at all because then I’ll have to confess everything bad I believe I’ve done or else I’m lying to them about who I am. I don’t really want therapy because I’m not confessing these memories or thoughts to a stranger especially because I’m only 16 and very socially awkward so I won’t be able to open up about this at all. I keep most of all of this in secrecy because I know nothing truly gets rid of the guilt. I also don’t allow myself any sympathy anymore because I just think I don’t deserve that either because evil people don’t deserve any empathy , it’s so hard to live with this. I just needed to get this off my chest since I’ve got no one to talk too
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