I miss my old talent

Thank you so much I really appreciate it. I just need to get over the guilt. I think it's the guilt that's what's stopping me.

@Applecore It's very possible! You got this though. Keep on truckin', friend.

@Ancient-1 Thank you so much. 😊

That's literally why I stopped posting! Unfortunately I was a victim of cancel culture and someone made a post about me. At that moment I realized how messed up I was being and I took everything down. I'm scared to come back because I feel so guilty. I lost so many friends.

@Applecore Omg that’s so difficult! Did you apologize for whatever it was that was addressed? Maybe you could do so and then start posting again?

@Lalilolou I did apologize. But I think what I did was unforgivable and I think people will still hold it against me. I kind of just gave up art and drawing entirely. I don't feel like I'm worthy to create anymore.

@Applecore I feel the same way half the time but o think ocd makes you feel that way. If you didn’t have ocd you would have let it go and it would come up once in a while and make you feel bad, but wouldn’t affect the way you lived your life

@Lalilolou It literally affects me in everything. I even teeter-totter on if it was really that big of a deal or not. I still think that what I did wasn't as bad as the amount of hate and name calling I got. I didn't apologize directly to the person who made the post because they were vicious to me from the beginning. But I did make a quote on quote "statement". I just feel now that my time is an artist is done. I ruined it.

@Applecore People will literally be so vicious for the smallest of things, especially on social media😭

@Lalilolou Oh my gosh no kidding! My compulsion now is to even still try to find these same people and apologize directly but darn it I feel like I've apologized enough! And because of all this my ocd's developed into more graphic things. This whole situation literally ruined my life. 😭😭 Sometimes I think that I wish social media just didn't exist.

@Applecore I completely feel you😭 I apologized for my real event for the past 6 years abiut once or twice a year and offered my support, ever since I found out someone was affected by what happened, but it still never feels enough😭 everyone has told me I’ve apologized way more than I ever needed to but it’s such a struggle. I also got worried that if I stop apologizing and let go, that’s when the other shoe will drop

@Lalilolou I literally feel that too! I have some people saying that I shouldn't even apologize in the first place! But I did and it's never enough. I'm so sorry that you're going through that. My situation only happened a year ago but in those times even if it's a year we both change and become different people. I hope one day we can both move on and even if everyone else doesn't....well...eff em we know who we are. That's how I feel sometimes.

@Applecore You’re exactly right😭 I think the fear is that other people will not know who I am, or know my goodness. My event happened in elementary school😭 when I visited the school years latee, a random friend of theirs said something to me and that’s what even made me realize anything was wrong😭 they’ve never even contacted me or said anything to me to begin with, but I’ve been reaching out and checking in and apologizing for so long😭

@Lalilolou We will heal eventually. I know we will but I also know it's going to take time and a lot of work with therapy. I'm happy that I do have a therapist that's familiar with OCD and we've been working together to help me move forward. I hope that you will eventually find peace and whatever it is that you did just know that it doesn't reflect on who you are now as a person. And yes, I know I sound like a hypocrite because I can't take my own advice LOL 😆

@Applecore LOL I do the same to others too! The advice is amazing but it’s so hard to apply to yourself😭😂 I’ve spent the last almost 15 years being almost obsessively morally “good” and always trying yo be kind and never hurt a soul😭 when I reflect on some of my childhood actions it’s so hard to wrap my mind around now that I know better😅 even as a child I never intended to hurt anyone so how much karma can I get🥲

@Lalilolou But also don't be so hard on yourself! You were a child. And children can be kind of well.... Dumb at times. I don't base anyone's character on how they acted as a child because we're still developing and learning at that time. My issue too is I was an adult I have no excuse! LOL. I'm just a smarter adult now a year later.

@Applecore Hahaha aww that’s sweet of you😂 I’m scared the rest of the world won’t see it that way!! And it’s awesome you’ve learnt and grown as well! No matter the age, people are always learning!😊

@Lalilolou Forget everyone else! You know who you are and if they want to judge you on child stuff that's their problem! Be well ❤️‍🩹

@Applecore 😂❤️🥰