Feeling mentally confused and fearful of psychosis; seeking help.

Please help a struggling person This is going to be long and i apologize. Since about 11 I’ve been treated for bipolar disorder and no antipsychotics ever had any effect on me. All made me feel lucid or zombie like. Recently a psychiatrist diagnosed me with ocd and adhd and told me that the two illnesses together can present as bipolar disorder and that’s probably why i was misdiagnosed the majority of my life. I’ve come at a cross roads in my life. I desperately need help but only see my psychiatrist once a month which doesn’t really help. I’m not really a therapy person either. Can someone please help me out and tell me if I’m crazy or if they’ve had similar experiences?? My freshman year i had a 4.0 and was excited at the thought of becoming a med student in the future. Now that it’s summer I’m spiraling. I’m so angry all the time. I won’t let anyone see me or talk to anyone. Im so afraid I’m not good enough and my thoughts consume me. Im constantly worried about the future and have vivid day dreaming episodes of where I’ll end up and how I’m going to fail. I won’t go out and have gained weight and now i constant obsess about my weight and won’t let anyone see me because of what i look like. My thoughts are in patterns and repeat and repeat and won’t go away. I can’t even function anymore. All i do is lay in my bed and think. It’s like a bad movie that won’t turn off. I also won’t allow myself to experience any sort of love connection because I’m terrified of confirming or denying my sexuality. My brain is constant and i feel like there’s nothing that i can do to ever turn it off and feel normal. My intrusive thoughts and starting to become my only thoughts. This panic state has been my state for about 3 weeks now. Can someone give some advice?

I have a terrible fear of going crazy. This is a new obsession for me and this time i feel like i really can't deal with it. It feels like i am really crazy. Like i'm alone in the world, like i start to lose my memory. I fear that i will do something bad and won't remember anymore and things like that. At the same time, i feel guilt, shame, i fear that i'm prettending, that i'm just dramatic. It's unbearable, i don't know what i did to deserve this.

I have intrusive thoughts every single second. Even when I am in shower there is monologue in my head that I am lost and went crazy. I question my every decision. My thoughts are absolutely nonsensical like I am gonna put socks on me than I have thought if that is normal after that I get thought if I was putting same socks before. Its complete madness. I fear schizophrenia and thats my main obsession. Seems like whatever I do i can not get out of that circle because my mind comes with another nonsense second after. I fear I will be stucked like this forever and that I need to be institutionalised. I feel like i have to question my every thought or I will act insanely. I feel like i am daydreaming, out of reality, with no memory or power over my mind. Can anyone relate ? Did anyone overcome it ?