I beg help, ROCD or is it not a match?

I've been in this relationship for 1.5 yrs on and off and what I like about her is She's smart, beautiful, cleans, she says she loves me, she cooks for me. But what I noticed about this person from the beginning is that she is negative about her past, such as getting her things stolen, going to mental hospitals back to back and people did her wrong. And I was there to be there for her such as when she is in pain, I take her to doctors, or whatever I can do to make her feel better. But I've noticed throughout the relationship that she checks on my phone and checks if im talking to someone. And always mixes up with her memory thinking I cheating on her on the relationship.. honestly her memory is not clear. Most of the time she would ask me am I talking to a girl or when I do uber do I casual talk to them, and the conversation I have is just about, How's the neighborhood here? The food around here. About God.. Nothing flirtatious what's so ever. But she always give me a conversation about other women. 2x I spoke to her about my ocd. (1st time I broke up with her because she was angry at me, and I can understand and so I broke it off) One was sexual thoughts during sex 2nd time (is an ex theme) Because I know she hates these subjects so I avoid it. This is why I tell myself don't have these thoughts, the more I don't want them, it appears in my awareness and it causes me emotional distress. I've told her about it (it could be a compulsion) she wasn't happy and seemed mad about it. So I just feel like just call it quits... because I've tried my very best to get rid of these thoughts and don't want to give her pain. I can understand why she is angry and that she loves me ( she reaches out and wants to work things out ) But what I truly do not like is when she gets mad when there are no problems such as that uber issue, she would say ok if you do that I'll talk to guys then, (in my head, what do you mean? In what way? I wasn't flirtatious or anything) What I believe is how we grew up and raised different. Throughout the relationship, when we argue (mostly about women, about her issues like who are you texting is it a girl? She would vent all the time about how she hates her workplace and jumps from job to job) My beliefs if we love each other, we should encourage each other to grow. there is no reason to opposing us from growing - to be angry, jealous, arguments etc. I do believe in God. That is why most of the time I feel like she is always talking about the past mistakes - she talked down on me about being with a prostitute - 7 yrs ago (way before this relationship started). She curses alot.. And for all these reasons I should quit the relationship. But she has the nerve to say I am unstable and that she is tired of hearing I keep kicking her out the house (it didn't happen, but she doesn't realize my needs - as in why aren't we growing from this area? - as in why are you always mad at people from work? Or why do you get annoyed all the time? I give her advice in these areas but she knows im tired of hearing about this. So she talks to her family about it. But i realized she wanted me to care for her... i do but i also do tough love... we cant just vent 24/7.) And when I told her about my ocd and broken up due to the fact of having sexual images ( I can't control it) She moved to TX and I visited her a couple times. She said she is suffering without me. And so i took her back. She don't like to talk about exes so the theme ex stuck in my head and I wanted to get rid of it. That's what cause the second breakup. I confessed to her about my problems of why the breakup happened and it seemed like she couldn't accept it , she does not understand ocd and she said she don't care. I blocked her and she was going to send me a message saying she will be there for me and love me alot and wants to grow together. But I am still resentful for what happened. Til this day I'm still afraid of her and my thoughts whenever I'm around her. -- Now she wants to marry me.. but I'm unsure because it seems forceful and that she doesn't understand what I'm going through. Even when we communicate I feel she will judge me for my ocd (even when i look for help) and I feel resentful because I feel like I did nothing wrong. There is no other woman involved, no cheating. It's just my ocd and she keeps saying I think of my ex all the time. I am not trying to hold on to flaws but thinking back of her patterns haunts me. I love her. We have seperated for months and she said she is having problems with the landlord.. So it tells me something why is she having problems with other people alot?? Whenever she's around my ocd flares up, when she's not around I feel ease but in a week, I would feel like I miss her and want to be back with her again... it's really confusing -- Today, I did ERP and the thought appeared less but she wants to be back with me and move in with me. And also marry me. But today I've been thinking of her flaws (angry, suspect me alot if there is another woman, use petty things when there arent any real issue.. the real issue is she is annoyed all the time). We say we love each other. I do love her. Sometimes I want to quit permanently, sometimes I don't. I'm confused, is this OCD? I don't know if I should stay with her. Thanks for reading my post. Any advice is appreciated. I'll also message this to my therapist. I dont feel distressed about breaking up, but can these thoughts lead you to breaking up? ( I think I answered my own question but need to know)

Every morning I wake up im always fixating on something and texting chat gpt, whether thats my relationship or my sexuality. I try so hard to resist it but I just can’t handle the uncertainty or the idea of hurting him or leading him on. We aren’t even official because in the past my rocd caused an issue between us where it led to him breaking up with me so now I have a fear of his intentions being ingenuine, especially because friends and family have called him a love bomber, saying he used me for attention, and narcissistic. This takes over me because I feel like I will never be able to be happy with him or trust myself or the relationship because of what other people say. I am very content on my own and single, this is the first relationship where i have experienced debilitating anxiety and doubt about the legitimacy of both of our feelings to the point where I cannot function. I’m trying so hard to not feed into it and not give it energy but I just hate the idea of leading him on or being inauthentic to what I truly want. My current therapist who I only see a couple times a month doesn’t think I have ocd, which makes me spiral and think I should end it with him, especially because I always hear things like “The right relationship will add to your life” and I feel the opposite is happening not directly because of him but because my brain takes over and paralyzes me with indecision about if i should be with him or not. I know that his intentions are genuine, but I hate that everyone is so cynical and assumes they’re not just because my rocd and his emotional baggage created a messy situation. From the moment i met him I convinced myself it was too good to be true and my therapist even said I was self-sabatoging. But i hate not knowing if it is rocd and my insurance doesn’t cover NOCD. He is so patient with me and supportive but I keep hearing things like “the honeymoon stage is supposed to last 3 months” and “it shouldn’t be this hard with the right person” “you’re not good for each other” and my friends tell me i didnt do anything wrong etc bc he did at first say my ocd didnt affect him when in reality that led to him ending it initially. But he has been more upfront with his emotions but then my mom and people will say “more to come” “there’s so much more out there” and its just so isolating not having that support and wondering if im too young to settle and if I’m just an idiot convincing myself I have rocd when really i just don’t want to be with him/it is a toxic relationship. When in reality the only reason it is toxic is because i am so sporadic about whether or not I want him in my life because of my distrust in myself and my decisions. I love him but I know love isn’t always enough and I get existential fixating on what’s “meant to be” and what’s “supposed to happen” its like this debilitating urge to control everything and make everything go perfectly how it is supposed to go. Please help i just want to make the right decision and stop paralyzing myself with doubt

Lately, I’ve been feeling extremely confused and guilty. My boyfriend has been really busy with exams, and we haven’t talked much this past week. I don’t really feel like I miss him, and that scares me. It makes me think maybe I don’t love him anymore, maybe I’ve changed, and maybe this relationship doesn’t feel right for me anymore. A few days ago, a friend invited me to go to a club with her and another girl. I know that if I went without my boyfriend, he would feel bad — not because he’s controlling, but because in our relationship, we’ve always had mutual boundaries and respect. I decided not to go, but ever since, I’ve been spiraling. My thoughts keep going: “What if I didn’t go just because of him?”, “What if I actually wanted to go, but I stopped myself because I don’t really love him?”, “What if I’m holding myself back and this relationship is limiting me?” All of this makes me think I’m bored, that I don’t like him anymore, or that I’m staying out of habit. It’s hard to tell what I really want or whether these thoughts are part of ROCD or some deeper truth. I keep wondering if I’m just attached to him because he’s my first boyfriend and we’ve been together for so long. Sometimes I even think I wouldn’t care if we broke up, and that I don’t feel anything for him anymore — and that absolutely destroys me, because he’s such a good person who truly loves me. He doesn’t deserve to be treated with so much doubt and coldness. I feel miserable. I don’t know what’s real and what’s just obsession. It hurts that I can’t feel any clarity or peace. I just want to know if this is ROCD or if I’m in denial and refusing to accept the truth