confessing

i am having the most awful experience with feeling the need to confess to my partner something. every second that i don’t tell him the thing i did, i feel like a fraud and that he’s seeing me as a good person when i’m not. it’s eating me up and preventing me from sleeping. the thing i’d like to confess is that the other day i said something rude to him because i was feeling insecure. i told him his hair was greasy, and i can’t work out why i did it but i think it was so he doesn’t think he’s too perfect for me. like he’s human and i’m human and if i can accept his greasy hair then he should accept my flaws too. but it was so wrong to say something like that to him. he didn’t bat an eyelid as i sort of said it as a joke. i just can’t believe i said something with the intention of practically hurting his self esteem. so i feel awful as he doesn’t know the fact that i intended to do something like that. but i don’t want to confess as he might see me differently. i would never want to make him feel insecure; i’m usually always complimenting him. but for some reason that day i nearly did. on purpose! i feel so toxic and terrible. this whole thing is making me lose my appetite i feel so guilty. do i have to tell him or can i learn to forgive myself and move on? he sees me as a very caring person, which i know i am. i love the people close to me dearly, and i’ve never faked that to him. but i just feel so so bad. i can’t believe i could’ve hurt him. the thought of him being insecure about his looks because of me breaks my heart. i didn’t want that. i just wanted him to think that he’s not better than me…. but that’s because i was feeling like he was too good for me!! it was so wrong. what do i do?

cantstopthin...

Date posted: 2y

confessing only grows OCD. Don’t confess. If you need help, I suggest watching Nathan Peterson on yt. He’s an ocd specialist and has helped me a lot! Good luck!

garden

Date posted: 2y

@DillonLee don’t you think my boyfriend deserves to know though? i feel like i need to tell him or i’m toxic!

TheBigC

Date posted: 2y

Hello Garden, i feel how you're feeling, I've been in this spot lots of times before. Let me share things with you to help: 1) You are not toxic and are a normal person who can say things out of place just like anyone else, it doesn't matter if you intentionally or unintentionally said something like that, what matters is that you recognise that it made you feel uncomfortable and you don't have to do it again. 2) You're not a bad person because you care about your actions and words, you think about others, you hold yourself to a high moral place. You have to allow yourself room for error, you will say something else out of place in the future, its absolutely normal. 3) Remember 'intent'. Your intention was saying it as a joke. You didn't wake up that day saying 'you know what, today im going to tell him this about his hair...'. You can say these things again in the future in that joking way, if someones hair is greasy i might say that as a joke, its quite funny lol because it not that bad, and tbh it could be a good shout. Sometimes. Sometimes people don't notice things until you point it out, jokingly or not. Laughter is the enemy of anxiety. 4) Even if your intention was to make fun of him, your still not a bad person. Because of what i said in point 2. This isn't even a thing what you said because you haven't got bad intent (but i understand with ocd how it feels real because of the emotions behind it, and the judgement of our morals). Is this masking a bigger anxiety you're feeling at the moment, is there anything big going on in your life at home/work or personal life? I agree with the previous members comment. If you confess you don't help your ocd. I think its good to live with some discomfort, dont judge it, and that feeling will go. But the more you focus on it, it'll perpetuate. It will go, i promise.

garden

Date posted: 2y

@csavva thank you. i’ve been feeling off about our relationship all week because i’ve gone back to university so we’ve had to start being long distance again. on the facetime call where i said his hair was greasy, i was already in a bad mood with him. he’d started the facetime late and was going on his phone instead of talking to me which was annoying me. i think that i said the thing about his hair to sort of ‘humble’ him? like ‘hey, you’re not so great that you can treat me like crap and ignore me! your hair is greasy!’. immediately after i said it he asked if i actually thought it was greasy and i said no as i realised what i had done. i didn’t want to make him feel insecure and couldn’t believe i’d almost tried to. i just hate that i ever tried to hurt his confidence in the first place. it was a nasty thing to do! it was in attempt to feel better about myself. i think that i’m afraid of him getting super confident and then leaving me, but i know this is just my insecurities speaking. on the whole i love hyping him up and supporting his successes. this was just a terrible moment where i slipped up. i just can’t help feeling like i’m a toxic, narcissistic partner who belittles someone for control. and this is why i feel the need to confess to him, as i’m sad he still thinks i’m a good person.

TheBigC

Date posted: 2y

@garden Do you think a toxic narcissist person will be thinking the way you do now? They won't be caring about the others feeling and their actions. You're very aware of the potential reasons why you would say it in the first place. It could of been a power balance thing which is really common, you can notice this next time. Its good to know what leads us to say certain things so we can avoid doing it again. But something like this isn't bad anyway, its your choice to avoid saying something like this again, in a joking way i think its fine. My mum would say this to me lol You're doing what ocd does and picks at something very small and makes it huge. You're a great person for caring so much. You moving back to uni will undoubtedly increase some anxiety, and raise the volume on thoughts and feelings, it latched onto this. You have to try not to engage in it each time it shows up, the groove you've made in your mind is the groove of going into analysis, people with ocd need to create that new groove of being conscious and not latching onto their ocd thoughts as much. Of course there are times when we need to recognise actions when we do something really immoral, and fee it abit, but this is nothing Garden, i promise. I understand the way it feels. Tell yourself you'll be more aware of what leads you to say comments, this will make you redirect your map going forward.

garden

Date posted: 2y

@csavva your faith in me means the world honestly. all i can do is try to prevent this going forwards.

TheBigC

Date posted: 2y

@garden Anytime, i know you'll be fine

TheBigC

Date posted: 2y

*feel

savvyp

Date posted: 24w

Feeling guilt

I sometimes come back to this particular feeling and thought. So when I first met my partner I wasn’t immediately attracted to him. I don’t think I thought he was ugly by any means. I met him at work along with another new go worker and I thought the other co worker was cuter than my current partner. That alone fills me with guilt but what’s even WORSE was that I told a friend “Oh man I wish that guy was in our group instead of the other.” Something like that. I feel so much freaking guilt over that comment. I adore my partner and this always fills me with shame. I think my partner is the most beautiful man in the world and I kick myself that that was my first thought or worlds about him. I don’t know what to do. I want to confess but how do you even say that to your partner? I just feel so guilty and awful inside….

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 24w

I messed up :(

Tmi warning I was being intimate with my bf and I kept getting the name of someone else pop up, but I didn’t feel anxious. Afterwards, as much as I tried to delay confessing, I couldn’t help it. I confessed. My bf was fine he said I probably didn’t feel anxious because I’ve gotten used to the anxiety and it’s okay, it doesn’t define me any more than it would if I was anxious. A few minutes later, he got upset and said that the confession kinda ruined a blissful moment. I’m so upset that my head feels so turbulent I didn’t even notice it was a blissful moment for him and could’ve been for me. I feel so awful. I haven’t slept in a day, I can’t stop crying. My bf is afraid that because this specific name keeps popping up, it might mean something and he feels less than sometimes because of it. I know I shouldn’t have confessed but I felt so safe that it was like a dam broke loose. I feel so awful. What’s worse is that I’m still scared it means something, I’m scared that my boyfriend’s fear is right. He’s very understanding of OCD and how it manifests in me and everything, I think I just kinda messed up a sacred moment and I feel so much guilt and confusion and just horrendous. I’m not even fully anxious. I don’t know what to do. I apologized a lot but I feel like I don’t deserve him and so selfish

anonymous737...

Date posted: 22w

feeling like i did something

I often feel like i did something wrong even tho i am positive i didn’t, my boyfriend and i have been together for like 6 months and i’ve been completely loyal to him the whole time but recently i’ve been feeling the need to confess that i cheated on him even tho i didn’t and there’s absolutely no proof that i did something even close, i don’t talk to other men and if i do my boyfriend has full access to my phone and it’s usually a friend or me asking a simple question but i still feel the need to confess even tho i’ve done nothing wrong🥲 someone please help it’s so confusing

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