Conflict

everytime i go out with my bf, he annoys me so much, but i get easily annoyed, he is just being himself and im so so si irritated by him, and i act out and i am rude to him, today i have upset him and he stopped talking to me. i font know what is wrong with me, i dont lnow if i like him, if i still have feelings, if i only want the ideea of the relationship, what if im only attached to him. i dont know anything, i have so many doubts. im so drained, i diny even know if i care that i upset him. i dont know. what if i dont care???

I keep overthinking about the guy I go to church and stuff with and we have had talks about relationships and he’s aware of everything but I feel like I’m not being completely honest. He’s a great man but I doubt because of his looks. He’s not ugly but I’ll see another guy and find that guy super attractive. My heart is so heavy because of my anxiety. I looked on google if you should tell someone honestly that you don’t find them attractive. I don’t know what to do! I feel like crying because what if I’m leading him on. I see post that say looks don’t matter and I agree but I doubt this guy a lot. What if I’m not being completely honest with him. After church we held hands and we hugged. When I’m near him I want to be close and hug not too much touchy stuff though but when I’m at home I’m doubting everything. I feel like a horrible person. I feel like I’m just making excuses or not getting to the point I’ll call my mom when my anxiety and mind starts acting up and then I’ll be calm and now it’s up

I don’t want to break it off with him so why do I have this feeling in my gut that I need to and that it’s wrong for me