ROCD libido, compulsions

My overall root fear has been loss of libido. It triggered my hocd, my rocd, and my health ocd. I don't know how to get over it. I want sexual activity to be fun again and not a compulsion. I want my libido back and I think about it all day every day. I stopped taking my medicine in fear of pssd, and now it feels like it's actually happening to me. I pray that nothing is wrong with my brain, relationship, or physical body that's stopping me from having a normal sex drive. I would do anything for an answer.

Im in a really difficult place. I have had ROCD symptoms ever since dating my now husband. My doubts began to be about my love for him, is he the one, etc. When we got engaged and before that I was also filled with questions about what do I want with my life and fears of getting married keeping me from fulfilling/exploring my dreams. Fast forward and we have been married for 2 years. I still had those doubts but developed a fear of sex (had sex related ocd themes as a teenager) and this has made intimacy hard and put a strain on our relationship. We have been doing couples therapy for intimacy but it hasnt really helped. I am thinking I need ERP help, because even without physical intimacy, I am still filled with fears related to sex that I obsess over. The strain of all this and my intrusive thoughts have also led me to contemplate divorce. These intrusive thoughts have left me feeling depressed, loss of appetite, unable to sleep. Recently my husband expressed sadness about our lack of intimacy and my doubts about wanting to have kids (his big dream). It triggered even more anxiety and I kept thinking, should we just end this now? I have no energy to plan for kids and one of my obsessions is "do I really want kids? What if I dont?" I didnt dare say that though, I dont want to hurt him and I do love him, he is what I would want in a life partner. But I am struggling so much with my anxiety that its making it hard for me to function. How do I handle all of this when it feels so real and when there seem to be actual reasons for giving up on our relationship (fear of engaging in sex, not sure if I want kids). I would love to have the type of carefree life I see other couples have but I cant deal with all this. I feel stuck, dont want to do something I regret. My worst fear is hurting him. I have struggled to see all this as OCD since it overlaps with life things that feel so real. Wouldnt it make sense to call it quits if sex is problematic? But my thinking is obsessive and I have a history of OCD. Why do I keep feeling like giving up on us and how do I turn this around? Its hard.

Are you scared of intimacy due to ROCD? And do you use sex as a compulsion to "prove" to yourself that you have (sexual) feelings for your partner. I just recently discovered this pattern for me and it is hard to deal with and also I kind of feel sad for my past me in past relationships. I have an amazing partner that wants to help me, but I know it's mainly myself that needs to work through this. Also at the moment I try not to ruminate about the whole topic, which is hard. Any advice?