- Date posted
- 2y
Ocd from someone that did a lot of healing
Hi, i'm here again after a while. Things went better for me; i started doing better with therapy; erp and life improvements. Not everything is perfect or good in my life tho; and lately; even with my improved communication skills days became harder. (Not even remotely close to the"deep low" of before tho). Anyways, today i founded myself doubting and doing compulsions around negative feelings. I already felt bad in thoose months obv; but i were able to manage it. Today; i gave up to complulsion and doubting; without even recognising it at first. One doubt lead to another; and unpleasant feelings made me overchecking and overthinking, compulsions made me even worried. My brain told me "you lost all your progress; you may have achieved nothing. You are starting to feel bad as before; everything will start again." I lost a lot in the past; from health to important relationship because of that. I started to be FUCKING TRIGGERED ngl. And that, my friends, that is the moment when i realized: this is a clearly ocd pattern. So now; after a deep breath, i want to try to go through it together; like old times. That is what i did. After the realization, i was scared my brain was right. But understanding it is ocd, It remembered me that i know how to manage it, even at the worst times. So here's 2 things i told me. 1) i must feel proud because i was able to recognise what was happening, it's not easy. 2) "you know ocd healing is a rollercoaster. It's kind of impossible to get complitely rid of it; but once you manage it it won't bother you. You know how to deal with it. Now that you were able to recognise what is happening; you can start to manage the situation in a healthy way." After that, i passed the next five minutes crying and answering every doubt "maybe yes; maybe no". It was really frustrating but after some times my mind started finally to clear up from all the mental compulsion. I EMBRACED UNCERTAINTY. i started tiding up my room; to keep me occupied and to feel proud of myself for doing something useful. I also told myself: "I know bad moments can happen; it's a rollercoaster. I am completely right to feel whatever i feel, i don't control it. Ocd can be really subsidious some times. It's okay i feel this emotion. I know what to do. I should sit with this bad feeling and FEEL it." I VALIDATED MY EMOTIONS. i didn't feel worried about feeling them; after. Just that; helped me getting ot of that "triggered state". I don't feel that rock on my chest; that explosion from inside anymore. Does that means my head is completely free from unpleasant ocd doubts? no absolutely, but i can deal with them, maybe they will be gone tomorrow, maybe they will stay. Does that means that i am free of compulsion? Nope, but i can stop them. Things are already better since an hour ago. Maybe tomorrow will be better, maybe not. Maybe in some days; when (and if) my mind will be more peaceful; i will be able to work on myself and find some painful event that teiggered me! Hopefully i will be able to work on it, healing another part of myself. I would be really happy. For now; i am happy i can share this with you. Thanks✨