- Date posted
- 2y
It’s happening again..
My ex & I have slowly become more serious and had a talk about how we can handle conflicts better. My guilt is starting to come up again about things from the past. I mean we didn’t officially date til end of 2020-2021 and then broke up in the beginning of 2022 due to my ocd bringing up every single thing I have lied about in our past and he got mad b/c I lied so he left me for being dishonest. Well, I remember small things I did when we were not together AT ALL and he once told me if there was anything else he should know I should tell him and I can’t tell what he needs to know and doesn’t need to know? I already confessed TOO MUCH. I mean so damn much. And all of the confessions were when we didn’t even date officially & he had done a lot of stuff too. It’s the details that my ocd is latching onto and feeling the need to tell him. Like for example, the time I attempted to make an onlyfans and gave up after an hour cuz I didn’t wanna risk it (and thank god I didn’t do it I would have regretted it badly) or the time I broke into a pool with a couple of guys we know and my friend and went “skinny dipping” I just was in my underwear and bra. It’s like do I need to tell him all this info? PROBABLY NOT. His whole thing with me too is he won’t tell me stuff b/c he knows it’ll hurt me so it’s best to just know yeah stuff has happened but we don’t do that anymore so let’s let it go. YES. That’s what I want! A normal brain would think that & that’s what I would think. But my ocd is itching to tell him every damn thing so that way he can fully determine if I’m worthy enough. ITS FUCKING MAKING ME SAD. I hate it. I just want to keep things for myself and I just ducking can’t. And I have not mastered this confessing compulsion at all. I’ve resisted with my bestfriend who I used to literally steal clothes from when we were like 13 but I can’t help but confess every other thing. It makes me so anxious to the point that I can’t function unless I spill my guts. And then I lose everything by doing so. Ugh idk what to do.