At some point withouth anxiety did you "came out" as your fear sexual orientation did any of you felt some sort of peace? Like it was true and you were ok with it, and not just for a second, like it lastes some minutes at least. I fear being gay but once I came out as bi and now that memory it's comming back to me (I don't wanna be bi either)
i feel you, i once told my friends i thought i might be bi because i found some girls cute or pretty. absolutely ridiculous when thinking about it…i still often think about it and get scared that it‘s actually the truth so i feel you..
Thanks, but my situation it's different, I mean I didn's say it to no one it was like a self comming out, like accepting I was bi but rather than anxiety I felt some sort of relief, and till this day that memory come backs to tell me that since I admited it, it's real
I am heterosexual but I’ve feared being bisexual a few months ago (my SOCD is all over the spectrum). It felt very ‘real’ and I “came out” in my head but it was unintentionally me doing ERP. I kept repeating the phrase “I am bisexual” until the anxiety faded away and I felt my normal straight self again. That’s when I realised that ERP really does work. Of course this is best done with a therapist in a controlled environment but that was my experience. It was really bad, like I stopped eating properly for days but doing ERP and getting my life together definitely helped with SOCD.
It's like people don't even read the post, I did the same, but I didn't felt anxious, I felt some sort of peace
Our experiences are nothing alike, I'm glad you are doing better man, but it has nothing to do with what I said
@Perzibal Are you talking about a temporary peace that lasts for a while until anxiety or intrusive thoughts come back?
@Keepongoing Yeah I mean, kind of, yeah, it lasted until I had intrusive thoughs
@Perzibal If I am understanding what you are saying correctly that you come to a conclusion and then you feel relief and happy until another intrusive thought that is ocds trap. It’s very common because ocd searches for certainly but ocd will never accept an answer. This is why people do compulsions because doing them makes them feel good for a while until ocd makes them doubt again
@Keepongoing Yeah I know but it felt different I guess, also is scary cause now my head says, well it's different cause you accepted bieng bi and then got intrusive thoughs about being gay, si maybe the first one it's true, buy I don't want that one either
@Perzibal I am not sure if you have tried erp or not but if you haven’t I would recommend it. Ocd will tell you anything to keep to paying attention to it just remember that your thoughts/feelings do not define you. If they are making you scared and making you pay attention to them that is ocd. Just remember your thoughts don’t control you and don’t mean anything. You are stronger than ocd :)
@Keepongoing And If I'm not scared then I don't have OCD?
@Perzibal If you feel like you don’t want to be a sexually that you don’t think you are and you need to figure it out then that’s a sign of soocd because those thoughts would be ego-dystonic. What makes you feel like you don’t want to be bi? And if you don’t feel scared or uncomfortable with your thoughts what makes you feel like they are intrusive?
@Keepongoing - I don't feel my thought are intrusive, I just don't wanna be bi cause I don't wanna be with men, I think it's not what I want but maybe I just hidding cause I don't want to accept the truth, and it's not that I don't think I'm bi, I didn't think it before, but it's more belieable everyday, I just don't wanna be it, but the second I say that my brain comes at me saying that I'm homophobic or that I think same sex relationship are not good, and it all feels real, like I actually think those stuff. So I'm completly lost right now, but for what I just said, sounds like denial, that's why I don't like talking about it
@Perzibal I know exactly what you are talking about. I think when we are talking about fear of something it doesn’t have to be that you are scared of it but like you said you don’t want to be with men. Ocd can make these things if extremely real. You don’t have to decide what you are now though. ocd will make it feel like you do or that you are in denial. I would recommend reading other people’s posts in NOCD because I have read some that sound very similar to what you are experiencing. With soocd ocd tells you “oh you don’t want to be with men that’s too bad you have to anyway you are just in denial” but you don’t have to be with anyone. You are not alone! Also YouTube channels like ocd recovery and the NOCD channel have a lot of helpful videos. I wish you all the best! ^sorry for the very long response
@Keepongoing - Thanks, but I dont' wanna "decide" what I am not now not in the future, I just wanna be what I though I was (which is straight)
@polishgirl Same
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How does it feel for you?
@polishgirl - I feel you, for real, and I'm sorry for that
I feel so sad, alone, scared and hopeless. Until two months ago there was not even the remote possibility of being anything other than heterosexual and now the idea that I could find out that I was lesbian or bisexual terrifies me to death. Everything was born from the fact that I didn't feel sexual desire towards my ex-boyfriend and I started to be afraid that it was because I was a lesbian... how can I be a lesbian or bisexual if everything was born from this? I would like to run away from myself and my head. I would really like to go back and go back to my life before. I can't take it anymore. I just want to live my life like before
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
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