I'm struggling with Harm OCD and feeling close to acting on my thoughts.

Hey y’all i need to know if someone relates to what I’m going through. I feel almost like if I wanted to act on my thoughts but I actually don’t because this doesn’t please me at all. So if someone told me “You have Harm OCD” I would be like “really? So I don’t wanna harm people? Neither am I capable?” I have no clue why would that be my answer when I haven’t desired anything. But somehow it makes me feel like I do, and consequently makes me feel like I’m in denial. So it feels like if an unconscious part of me wants to do it but I am just resisting. I literally can’t go anywhere, I don’t wanna live any second more, because I feel so disturbed all the time. I feel like I’m gonna end up doing it, I feel so overwhelmed by these feelings,thoughts, images, urges, that I would avoid everything, like going anywhere. I hate feeling like this but I feel like there’s no way back, i can’t picture myself being good in the future because I feel like “this is what i want” when it’s not. I feel like it’s a time bomb for me to do something. I do not tolerate this, every minute that passes by I feel it closer to happen. I feel like I’m gonna collapse and act on it. I don’t even know if that’s what I want, but I don’t think it is, I think it just feels like it. Help I don’t know what to do.

Does anyone else suffer with harm ocd the way I do, sometimes I feel like I don’t even have ocd and like these are my actual thoughts when I started ocd I would feel so bad for thinking what I was thinking and I would cry everyday but now I just feel numb and like I don’t feel nothing I can’t even cry I’m also on antidepressants so idk if that’s affecting it but it’s like the only thing holding me back from doing my actions is like thinking I could go to jail or ruin my life or regret it later in life & it’s like I tell my self or my mind that whatever it is and it like gets mad that like I can’t do it and it makes me feel worst because it makes me feel like I actually wanna do that and ugh it’s like a constant battle everyday because it like gets mad for not being able to do that because I obviously know it’s something bad and will ruin my life.

I am really struggling. I feel like I have a constant harm related intrusive thought in my head, causing a horrible intrusive feeling in my head. Even if I’m just simply scrolling and see someone sometimes this feeling of an intrusive thought becomes present, leading it to become horrid intrusive thoughts and feelings. I would never want to hurt anyone. Let alone do it and I’m struggling so much. I feel like I have a constant harm related intrusive thought in my head and feeling. Which is reinforced when I look at people. It goes when im distracted and then i remember the horrid feeling. I feel like bursting into tears, ive had enough. Can anyone relate? I feel like a constant intrusive thought and feeling IN my head im so sad :( I feel horrid. Scared ill go crazy.