OCD & DEATH

Have anyone of you experienced the fear of losing the loved ones ( the fear of losing someone you truly love ) ? If anyone of you has obsessive compulsive disorder OCD and has experienced this fear, could you please explain to me how does it feel like if you don't mind ? Recently i have been only thinking about my mother, while ago i dreamed that my oldest sister died, in the dream i was crying really really hard, i was literally crying my heart out, i felt every single emotion, every single feeling like it was all real happening in my real life for the point that i woke up crying and kept crying for hours, then i dreamed that my oldest brother died, after that dream i dreamed that my middle sister died and i was really sad in the both dreams, then i strated only thinking about my mother's death, not about when she will die or how she will die or where, I don't think about any of these things, i don't ask myself any of these questions because simply they're not like that important to me but i do think about the idea that she will be gone one day, gone forever! And i will never ever see her again, kiss her again, hug her again, laugh with her again, cry on her shoulder again ... That i will never ever see her again, not for only one more time no matter what! Recently i have been only thinking about this, and this intrusive thought keeps telling me that if my mother died, I'll go crazy, I'll go insane, I'll lose my mind, my control, myself and everything! The emotions and the feelings which i feel are too strong, stronger than my ability to stop my mind from overthinking, to stop myself from crying, to stop my body from shaking even my tongue shakes and it scares me in every single time... I know I'm not going crazy but what if i am wrong? What if my mother died and my grief made me crazy? Imagine that I'm truly thinking about dropping off university so i could spend every single moment, every single second with her before her death ! Anyone can relate?

d_p

Date posted: 2y

Awe I am so sorry that this is distressing I remember crying whenever I dreamt that my father or my grandmother have passed away. Actually I think in my culture they say if you dream about a loved one's d34th you are trying to wish better health for them. Idk how it makes sense but I think it's that you care so much about your loved one's that you wish for them to have good health even when dreams like that show up. But I hope you're doing better. I sometimes had dreams where my friend's siblings have d13d AND IDK WHY I HAD THOSE DREAMS but IF I was wishing them good health then I guess that's maybe what I did. Maybe you're wanting for your mom stay healthy and well for a long time 🙏🙏🙏

BeesanYusuf

Date posted: 2y

In my culture dreaming of death is a good thing, too. In general it means that the person who died in the dream will have a long and a happy real life, the meaning of death in the dreams depends on who died, where, when, who was there, how it was like and all these details but in general it means what i have just said. However, i didn't dream of my mother's death, but I'm too afraid that I'll, and I'm more afraid of it coming true sooner or later, and it will come true, like all of us are gonna die one day but i just cannot accept this fact when it comes to my mother . I'm Muslim, the death and the life after death are one of the most beautiful and most comfortable beliefs ever for a believer, but my ocd always stops me from enjoying it, always stops me from the fact that when my mother dies, she will be in a better place with better people, with her parents who she loved truly from the bottoms of her heart, she will be happier, so much happier i truly believe in this but what about me? Writing this and saying it out loud made me realise that it's all about me, am i that selfish? Am i a bad person for the point that I don't want my mother to die because i myself cannot even imagine my life without her? Am i too afraid of becoming lonely without her? Are these fears which make me feel like I'll go crazy?! It feels like having a conversation with myself, thank you and thank you for sharing::)

d_p

Date posted: 2y

@BeesanYusuf I don't think is selfish we were all born with our mothers beside us, so I think is normal to be afraid of losing mom because all our life she has been there for you. I wonder how Muslims would describe the afterlife I don't know much about Islam but It's a really beautiful religion from what I hear. The good thing is that your mother is now with you I am not sure if how her health is like but I think even if these thoughts come in I think it makes it all the more precious to be with your mom. I am sure your mom would love to have you in all her phases of life. May Allah take care of both of you 🙏

anonymous_5

Date posted: 23w

Current Obsession

Hi! Just got this app. I don't have an OCD diagnosis, but I have some traits, such as a constant obsession over a topic that causes me distress. Like, fears. It's been pedophilia, racism, global warming, death, secrets I've kept, suicide... Basically everything I don't like the idea of. Now, it's the obsession of my dad passing away. I've come to the realization that if my dad died right now - I'd have to move in with my mom, 2,000 miles away from home. Not only would I lose my district scholarship, which would ruin my plans of going to college, but the room at my mom's house would not be big enough to house all of my belongings, so I'd have to get rid of most my stuff. All of my dad's belongings (books, video games, clothes) wouldn't fit either. Not that my mom would be pleased with me showing up with all of my dad's stuff (they're divorced and not on speaking terms.) I try to counteract these thoughts with things like "dad is not under an active threat" or "even if dad died, I'd figure it out." But I'm still plagued with little jabs from my brain about it. Yesterday, my dad expressed his excitement for this year. He's gotten a new job, we're making more money, we're happy - having the last few years be ruined by my mom running away and other fun things along those lines; we deserve to be excited about this new opportunity. But then he said: "I think this year is gonna be our year." As his daughter, I should be thinking "yeah!" or "right on!", but the only thing that came to my mind was in season 4 of Stranger Things when Eddie Munson says "It's my year, '86, baby!" Before getting eaten by demobats in the upside down. This morning, while driving to school, my dad expressed his happiness about the VaultBoy bobblehead on the dash standing up (there's a magnet on the dashboard that helps him stand, and in our old car, it always fell over.) I just said normal things like "yeah, that's cool, I'm glad." But my mind told me "if dad died right now, would you have time to grab the bobblehead to keep to remember him?" which led to "if dad died right now, would you have time to say goodbye?" I try to push the thoughts away because I tell myself I'm gonna jinx it, and thinking about it manifests it. I try journaling and justifying why none of this would happen, but the thing is; if my dad died, I really would have to move in with my mom, wether I like it or not. I would lose my scholarship, wether I like it or not. Another thought process I have is: "I'd never expect it if my dad died, because in all the stories, it happens when you least expect it." It's like I'm playing a game with my brain, just waiting for the timing of circumstances to lead my dad to his death. I think about it - I manifest it, I don't think about it - it's gonna happen because I'm not prepared. How can I cope with this?

Boston Teach

Date posted: 22w

Intrusive Thoughts About Death of Mother

I had a really bad episode 2 months ago. Started therapy and meds and have been getting better. then this past weekend I was slammed with a completely new set of intrusive thoughts about my mother's mortality. She is alive and well and I see her often but yet I can't shake the idea of her death and how my life will never be the same and eternally broken when she dies. This feels unique because so much of my past OCD are things that either can't happen or are unlikely. But this is certain. We all die. And I have no idea how to start to deal with this.

Draykewampler

Date posted: 18w

fear of death and ocd

so i have ocd but this is the main theme ive been dealing with for the last few months, im obsessed with my mortality and i feel trapped by the reality of death. i dont really believe in an afterlife which makes it scarier, not that i dont wanna my brain literally just wont let me. but i have daily panic attacks thinking about death all day, its honestly the toughest thing ive ever dealt with. does anybody have any tips on how they manage this if they have ever dealt with it? not looking for reassurance, just some non compulsive ways to kind of lessen the grip of the fear.

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OCD & DEATH

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