- Date posted
- 2y ago
struggling
really struggling tonight because i got triggered by something and started doing compulsions almost as soon as i could (bad, i know). what’s so frustrating is that during these compulsive “fantasies” i feel nothing. literally nothing. i even try so hard to make them as “desirable” as possible to give it a “fair shot” but it’s still nothing. despite that, though, the doubt doesn’t leave. the anxiety doesn’t leave. the idea that i’m wasting my life by refusing to figure this out as soon as i can doesn’t leave. at this point, i know it’s ocd, but i can’t shake the feeling that i have to keep doing this. i know the subtype doesn’t matter but it all feels so real. i’m so disappointed in myself but as much as i tell myself to let it lie and continue living life, i can’t. this feels so monumental. does anyone have any advice on how i can keep pushing through with treatment without relapsing like this?