I had a thought about a week or so ago and it was “what if cheating is exciting” and “what if I want something more exciting than what I have now” and none of those thoughts are true! Ugh! I don’t want anything differently than my relationship now and I think it’s beyond exciting! I feel so guilty for even having that thought. :( anyone have any advice? I think it’s ROCD but what if it’s not?
no i totally relate, you arent alone in this. i often yet the thoughts of “what if i like this person more than my bf” or “i dont love him anymore “ which isnt true
@lmbolt They’re so debilitating! I just had another OCD thought where I watched a video and then rewatched it and my brain told me I did something terribly wrong because I shouldn’t be looking at someone more than once? 🙃
@gray1 yes!! mine currently are telling me that i dont have feelings for my bf anymore and that i dont want to be with him and its really hard. not only on me but for him too.
@lmbolt I’d love to connect more with you on this! It’s great to connect with someone who also struggles with the same thing I do.
@gray1 same! i always thought i was so alone in this.
@lmbolt Me too! We’re definitely not alone in this. I just never knew it was OCD until getting diagnosed.
I am sorry you are having a difficult time. OCD will go after us where we are vulnerable. Here is the thing - everyone has intrusive thoughts like this - those of us with OCD attribute the thought to meaning something. What I would recommend you do is allow the thought to be there and not try to “figure it out.” I am not sure how familiar you are with ERP I would recommend you try the following. When the thought comes in , acknowledge it and then do your best not do compulsions. Instead try saying maybe cheating is more exciting or maybe I am not happy, but maybe not. Maybe this thought meant nothing. It is hard to do and it will not take away the anxiety but sitting with it without compulsing will teach your brain that any intrusive thought is not important. Compulsing will make ocd stronger. Also, be gentle with yourself. OCD is very difficult and challenging to deal with. Do your best. Are you in therapy?
@Jeffrey Yes I am in therapy. The thing is that I am extremely happy in my relationship and I would never want to cheat! I also know that cheating isn’t more exciting. I just feel so guilty for having the thoughts in the first place especially when I don’t believe them.
@gray1 I am glad that you are in therapy. Here is the thing - we all have these thoughts. I have been in a relationship for 32 years and I still get thoughts that someone is attractive and sometimes ocd will say wouldn’t it be great to cheat. I don’t like the thought but I remind myself that I live by my values and at this moment my values don’t include cheating on my partner - and if I ever did cheat - I will deal with it then. What OCD wants is a 100% guarantee what you would never cheat. We can’t be certain about what will happen in the future but at this moment you know you don’t want to cheat so you choose to live by your values today - because that it is all that we have. What is ti be who knows - and so we can’t care about that. Chances are your values are ti be a faithful partner and if that changes you will deal with it then and not before. It’s hard work - so be gentle with yourself. The more you practice the easier it will get.
@Jeffrey Is it normal with ROCD to have made up scenarios in your head? Like yesterday for example, my mind made up a scenario of dating someone else and I keep ruminating on it because it makes me feel terrible. I also feel even worse because my mind tried to like it but another part of my mind fought it back. 🙃
@gray1 Ocd will thrive anywhere we cannot stand it - so it is common for it to attack you here where ocd knows you are bothered by the thoughts.
OCD thrives and grows when we get wrapped up in our feelings of shame and guilt. But the truth is we can’t control our thoughts or our feelings, all we can do is acknowledge them and try our best not to engage with them. The more we fight them and say “but that’s not me!” the more the thoughts/feelings stay with us. Instead of fighting it, lean into the feeling/thought/uncertainty. That takes OCD’s power away. You can do this!
I’m sorry you’re struggling with intrusive thoughts. ERP helps us say, yeah maybe that would be exciting, maybe it wouldn’t be, then after the anxiety goes down we move forward in the direction that we want to go in that align with our morals 🙂
Try and remember that 'having a thought' and 'acting on a thought' are two very different things- just because you think something doesn't make it true and thinking isn't the same as doing. Many people with OCD struggle with this idea.
Is it normal to find someone else attractive. When I get this thought or feeling.. whatever it is.. I feel as though I’m about to act on something. Or I guess my fear is that I WANT to act on something even though I know I don’t want to because I love my partner and family and I don’t want to jeopardize it. But I still get this urge when I find someone attractive and so my best idea is to avoid them. Does this happen to anyone else in a long term relationship/married? It makes me feel horrible and I hate having to confess this.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year coming this May. I have never had feelings for someone like this and I genuinely see myself living the rest of my life with him. Talking to him comes effortlessly. He sees me for all that I am and works with me. My family has already begun developing a connection with him as well as I have with his family. I’ve never felt so at home until meeting him. Lately my ROCD symptoms have been playing on the narrative of him either finding a new girl that interests him and is somehow “better” than me OR me ruining our relationship because of potential cheating I have absolutely no actual interest in cheating because I know he’s my person and so am his. I know I’m going to marry him and I know that I want him to be the father of my kids. I want to see him grow and I want to build a foundation of unconditional love with him. So why do I shame myself? There’s this shop that him and I go to quite frequently, and the last time we went an employer that we typically see every-time we come began talking to me personally. We were all just talking about movies but my boyfriend mentioned that he felt like he was flirting with me. I begun feeling bad like I was doing something wrong. My mind started telling me that I liked having him “flirt” with me and that it made me feel desirable and confident in knowing that I was still considered attractive. I’m scared because now everytime we go the employee seems to be staring at me and when I went today he actually gave me something for free which led to me thinking I was playing into the flirting narrative and that this would lead to something worse (Though I still have no interest in doing so, just anxiety about that happening is the best way to put it) Has anyone else experienced something similar? Is there any advice that can be given? I don’t think anything’s going to happen, but what If I do like knowing someone likes me even if it’s not reciprocated? Does that make me a cheater? Or is that the product of unresolved self worth issues?
hi ! i am so happy with my relationship and suddenly i have thoughts and fear of what if im cheating in the future? what if i really want to do that ? i know that my thoughts is against my value and belief but these thoughts is going crazy everyday and it makes me believe that i will do it and i want to do it 😭 but the fact is i know i never wish to do that and it never popped up in my mind before this , this just makes me feel so crazy and extremely anxious that i cant sleep, i will going to University this October and i fear what if i accidentally like someone else ? what if i do that on purpose? plus my feelings is keep telling me to do that and it kinda whisper to my heart and makes me want to do that, i know that i never wanted to cheat or like someone else but it makes me feel so real 😿 i keep thinking is that mean i am a terrible person or i really want to do that? i dont know why it’s kinda gives me the wrong feelings and informations to myself . Pls dont judge me when you read this and i hope someone could help me if this also what you feel or any tips to deal with this. Thank you
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