Dothewalkoflife.

Date posted: 2y

In a bad place

Today was my first shift. I had feelings of ‘you like that girl’ ‘You don’t like them men. Because your gay’ (I’ve lost all attraction to men. Completely) It was just really hard Made friends with 2 lesbians and they invited me to pride festival and I was so triggered but played it off I’ve had the ‘realisation’ feeling about 3 times. And I didn’t feel attracted to any male there but it felt like I was to the girls and it was unsettling

Sexual Orientation OCD

anxiousmollusk

Date posted: 2y

Just keep pushing with the neutral statements. Stay in the maybe you were maybe you weren’t. Don’t try to force feeling one way or another. The most important direction is forward.

Nicolas:)

Date posted: 2y

She's not gonna tell you, but she hated that anwser

Givenup

Date posted: 2y

@anxiousmollusk I need help…

anxiousmollusk

Date posted: 2y

@Perzibal Well duhhhhh of course I hate it too. But we gotta get unstuck somehow right

Dothewalkofl...

Date posted: 2y

@anxiousmollusk I get that’s the right approach but it’s so scary

anxiousmollusk

Date posted: 2y

@Dothewalkoflife. It’s terrifying. I’m right here doin the same thing with ya. Each of those interactions is a good exposure.. so it’s okay to let yourself unwind and do something nice for yourself when you’re not at work. You can do it ♥️

Givenup

Date posted: 2y

@anxiousmollusk If you know perzibal he’s known for this kind of talk. He’s very confrontational and very triggering. That’s why I blocked him was because he triggered my HOCD and said that my worst fear (being attracted to a guy) did happen which was why I blocked him.

Givenup

Date posted: 2y

@anxiousmollusk I’m having such a bad day…

anxiousmollusk

Date posted: 2y

@Givenup Gotcha. It’s alright. It’s okay to have a bad day, I’m having one too. Try to find something to ground you. I would look up the processes of dropping anchor and urge surfing. Those things will help you get out of your head, I promise. Give it a chance

Nicolas:)

Date posted: 2y

@anxiousmollusk - And what if I'm not terrify of this and still feels real?

anxiousmollusk

Date posted: 2y

@Givenup All of these things are more than likely habits because of how attentive you’ve been to your own behaviors. It sucks, I know, I’m with you. You need to build up the habit of redirecting to the moment you’re in when you get the automatic thoughts. It’s like damn I did that but I’m gonna come back to the moment and just do the next thing.

Givenup

Date posted: 2y

@anxiousmollusk I hope I have HOCD… I don’t ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual in any way shape or form…

mrein280

Date posted: 2y

@Givenup I know him personally and yes he may be confrontational but he means well.

Givenup

Date posted: 2y

@mrein280 He triggered me by telling me that the worst thing to ever happen with my ocd came true while laughing at me on occasion and telling me to stop posting in a very rude way.

Nicolas:)

Date posted: 2y

I really understand that feeling, I'm sorry about it

Anonymous123

Date posted: 24w

Thoughts make sense

I've always found women pretty and admired them since I was younger, never wanted to be with them or anything. I always pictured having a boyfriend and my crushes were always boys. I have a boyfriend now but because this has happened I feel nothing towards him or any men. To be honest I'm so exhausted I don't feel much at all, there was so much anxiety at the start and now there is none. Does that mean I have accepted the thoughts. My mind keeps going you were suppressed all these years but I do find women pretty so that's what's making it worse. Am I just in denial and being delusional? I never doubted my sexuality before this I always considered myself to be straight but I feels like my mind has been twisted and can't remember any attraction to guys but can remember thinking girls are pretty? Does this mean it's all real? I don't know anymore

Anonymous123

Date posted: 23w

I'm so convinced it's just denial

I feel sick to my stomach, a few days ago I knew I was straight and could picture my life with my bf again. The anxiety has really lessend and Im more depressed now. I'm 100% convinced I am lesbian even tho I have never had sexual attraction to women, found them pretty but never wanted to be with them. My mind is only picturing me being with women now and it feels like a pit in my stomach. I don't feel emotion now, I'm also on my period. I don't want to be lesbian. I want to be with my boyfriend and have the life I pictured with him. My memory is so dissorted right now. I don't think there's anything wrong with being lesbian, it's just not for me and now that makes me feel like I'm homophobic.

Anonymous

Date posted: 23w

What the HECK?

what the hell? this entire day ive been trying to do ERP right? allowing the thoughts feelings, sensations be there with very little reaction, saying"oh that's a thought", "that's a feeling" don't care" etc. But it seems to be making it 100x times worse. Like its impossible to just"ignore" it, it feels so freaking real as if this was the truth, the doubts are real, the false attraction feelings and lip sensations are REAL and genuine attraction, feels ego-synotic, its impossible just to ignore or move on from it because I think I'm so hyperfocused on it all so it last the whole day. IDK right now it feels and seems as if I lost? like its not a what if but it feels factual like"I'm naturally gay, I'm gay" and it feels like normal and become ok with that. But I don't want that I don't want to be gay.

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