There’s been a lot of so-ocd posts recently, I’m so sorry you guys haven’t been doing well? I know you’re all looking for a clear and definitive ‘no’ when you evaluate your intrusive thoughts/feelings/ideas. They don’t align with how you define yourself, so why can’t you get a confident and resounding ‘no’ when you try to ‘test’ yourself against them? Why does there always seem to be a lack of confidence when you refer back to what you’ve always desired in your past? Why can’t you feel the same way now? What does that MEAN? It means you’ve failed to be at peace with a natural and normal state of existence: uncertainty. This state of being is perfectly safe, meaningless, and warrants absolutely no concern. Our bodies are reacting to it however, with a primal sense of danger that, in every other aspect of our lives, we usually respond to. This is where the ‘disorder’ portion of ‘ocd’ comes into play. An over-active protectant is deciding that uncertainty is a dangerous state of being that needs to be absolutely and 100% eradicated. This is NOT true and should NOT be believed or acted upon. Ocd’s response to these obsessions is anxiety and/or panic that is baseless. But if you’ve acclimated to them, you might not react to them at all. You could even be entirely confused about HOW you just reacted to them. Does THAT mean something? This ‘backdoor-spike’ is just another way ocd gets you to test certain ideas that might reveal something to you. Don’t fall for it. Once again, it should not be believed or acted upon. This simple ACT of testing yourself against your obsessions, or testing your reactions to the thoughts, tells your brain- ‘oh, these thoughts and ideas actually have importance!! Yea you’re sexuality is definitely up for debate. Test it again!! We need more tests. Nope wasn’t clear enough. Test again!’. Close the court. End the discussion. Terminate the dialogue. You can’t see it, but you’re on a hamster wheel! You’re the horse whose rider is dangling a carrot in front of them. You think you can have it-certainty- but it’ll never be yours. It’s not FOR you. It just makes sure that you’re running for eternity. Getting off the hamster wheel looks like broken habits, acceptance, and a new relationship with your thoughts/feelings/and realistic ideas. It looks like complete surrender. Stop the resistance. It’s the gigantic wall between you and the road of recovery. Acceptance of your obsessions plays absolutely no role in defining their validity, only in beginning your healing and peace. I could talk about this forever but just know I’m thinking of and rooting for you guys so so hard. Don’t let ocd catastrophize the moment of uncertainty or confusion- there is no danger. I promise you are safe, always!❤️