- Date posted
- 2y
Recovery help please
I am not sure if the thing I was doing is a compulsion (testing myself) or Exposure. My intrusive thoughts always start when I was out with friends drinking. Endig up with thoughts like "Did i cheat?, Can I trust myself?, Am I flirting?" To me as a person, I am very talkative and love to connect. So before meeting up with my friend (last saturday) I thought, wow if i can handle that evening and even drink a little maybe thats exposure. I was checking my feelings, desires and sensations when out asking myself if I would do something. When a guy came up behind me trying to hug me or whatever, he came close. I totally freaked out and said that he does not have to touch me etc.. I am feeling worse again even though I was on a real good way in recovery. Now I feel like I am at the beginning just not with the event 7 months ago but with last saturday :( asking myself maybe he tried to kiss me, maybe he did....that makes me shrink. Well I guess my belief is absolutely cheating is the worst thing. So i have a huge fear of cheating and being unfaithful. This probably arose when I was coping with one of my best friends cheating on her bf what really hit me hard. I want to lose that fear and start to trust myself again, no matter with or without alcohol. But I do not want to lose my value of being completely faithful and loyal. I am asking myself how to reach that goal. I also question my relationship because we are almost 8 years now and I constantly wonder about my feelings for my bf which I at the moment and since that real event 7 month ago cant put into words. I am desperate.